Hares: I Am Cumstain and Just Ryan
It was a great day for hashing. With temperatures in the 70s, order sixty or so hashers showed up for the Save the Shiggy run in Humble. Even though hare I Am Cumstain had been running a fever for two days before the run, order he and co-hare Ryan laid an interesting trail, capsule which confounded a lot of veteran hashers. Maybe the fever explains the beginning of the trail where the runner’s trail was indistinguishable from the walker’s trail. Or later, it could explain two competing arrows only a couple of blocks apart each pointing at the other arrow. In between the arrows, there were marks on all four corners of the street intersection…..what did that mean?
After spending 10 or 15 minutes trying to solve the dilemma, someone, I believe it was Lube Job, finally found trail behind a fence leading into more shiggy. From there, trail alternated between shiggy and mega-mansion streets until we reached the beer check that could only make Hooter Bill happy since the beer was Keystone Light.
The hare at the beer check warned us to tighten our shoelaces for the next half of the trail. And he wasn’t kidding. We ran through plenty of mud, marsh, and knee-deep water before ending the run on a dirt road near a mega-mansion subdivision. Short cutter Estrus was the FRB with Geek coming in second. Some of the much faster runners, such as Saran Crap, McPisser, and Saltwater Taffy came in much later than most of the pack. McPisser thought he was close to being FRB, and couldn’t believe it when he found so many people already there.
Mamma’s Boy led an interesting circle. Tasty Snatch, who was visiting from San Francisco, was recognized along with her brother Just John, who lives in Houston. Tasty Snatch was wearing her “Bay to Breakers” tuxedo hash shirt and a pair of black tights. Boy did she have a nice….oops, I guess I can’t say that since her brother was there.
Visitors Garden Gnome Shagger from Calgary, Canada and Great Balls of Fire from Vermont were recognized. Then, New Boot Philip, a former Marine from Alabama and New Boot Susan from Washington, DC were called to atone for their sins. Transfer Ffigawi from Sakhalin, Russia was called upon to explain his presence.
When accusations began, the hares were immediately called into the circle for numerous infractions. I Am Cumstain was sporting his new Mullet hairdo. After a plethora of down-downs, he probably couldn’t remember how his hair got that way.
Spot on the Mat was called into the circle to show the huge swollen spot on her foot where she claimed a giant water roach had bitten her. Then the hares were called back to explain the Water Moccasin snake that they had killed on trail, and then threw flour on, to use as a trail mark.
When the keg provided by the hares finally went dry, Hind Legs brought out a partial keg that was left over from happy hour, so the circle continued, lambasting Hooter Bill for being DFL among other things.
Before the run even began, Can’t Hound showed his age by locking his keys in his Lexus, then having to call AAA to get home. I never saw him at the circle.
The On-on-on was at Hoot County where the usual debauchery took place. The bikers were glad to see us, the waitresses were cooperative, and the music was good. The harriettes were trying to get Cumstain to dance on the stripper pole, but he didn’t comply. At least, not before I left.
Your Guest Scribe,
Pull The Plug