Hares: Grind Slut and I Am Cumstain
Sunday got off to a slow start! Campers gradually got out of their tents after a LONG night of partying, making their way over to the main tent for some much needed breakfast! Menage Myself (chef extraordinaire) whipped up some eggs, ham, and other breakfast taco items. He also had an assortment of “Continental Breakfast” items such as donuts, muffins, and yogurt. Food for every palate. Mimosas topped it all off for getting us tired hashers up and going.
It didn’t take long before I hear (at 11am no less) “Tippy Cup” screamed by McPisser! We decided on naming Team Captains. Those being McP and Baby G. Teams were chosen and we played to single elimination. I can’t remember who it came down to against McP, but I’m pretty sure he ended up winning.
Sadly some hashers had to leave early to get home at a decent hour for work the next day. I had an “informant” tell me that Xena had actually gotten into McPisser’s unlocked car and stole his silver engraved mug that Mismanagement had bought last year’s MM for Christmas gifts. I was NOT going to let Xena steal McP’s cup knowing he got into the car and took it. Now if he had left it out…..that’s another story! Soooo…..Xena and the crew he rode down from Dallas with had to leave. I mosey over to Skippy and tell her I want that mug back and asked where it was. She told me, and I was off to the car to “steal” it back! Several minutes later, Xena proudly announces to the group that he had taken a precious item from a particular hasher…that being McP. Me loving to be a bitch….especially when Xena is involved….just laughed and said “ummmm…I don’t think you have anything”, and held up McP’s mug! McP rejoiced, and of course we all laughed at Xena for his failed attempt! And Xena, that is why you don’t steal!!!
Things calmed down again for a while. Hashers were seen making their way over for a last minute shower before they were taken down. Tents were slowly coming down and cars packed before the 1 p.m. start of the regular running of the Houston Hash.
Our hares for the day were Grind Slut and I Am Cumstain. Now what was so damn funny today was that Cumstain was seen sitting around the campfire all morning. Wait a minute…..shouldn’t your ass be out laying trail?? He explained that according to witnesses, Grind went looking for him when the horses arrived. He was no where to be found, so Grind went along with Sham and laid trail without him! Seems Cumstain WAS where Grind looked, he’s just so damn skinny that Grind couldn’t see him in his cocoon of a hammock when looking for him!
So, about 1:30 or so, chalk talk was done. I was so tired….or hungover…whichever, that I can’t remember much about it other than it was roughly 4 miles. So MOM and I took off and started running down the road towards where the TXIH campout was located. We cut off on one of the roads and found trail leading to the horse trails. Trail winded in and out of some amazingly pretty trails, then to open road where we ran into Mark, the owner of the land with his dogs. ON ON we went when we caught up to the walkers. How could this be?? They swore they were doing the full trail, not a shorter version! Now considering MOM and I had been on trail the entire time, I think Lorna Dunes, Geek, and Hog Straddler had some inside info on shortcuts!!
Trail finally came to an end on Sham’s property where several hashers admired Lehigh’s antique cars and the horse they had out! Oh….and Snatcha was seen playing with the dogs again!
Circle got started quickly as everyone was tired and ready to head home! It actually ended up being a VERY funny one. Horsefli Drive-bi brought his sister to the run with him that day. And to say that she was pure entertainment is an understatement! Of course we had to sing the “Incest Time in Texas” song just for those two! Accusations were numerous, mostly to do with Cumstain not “really” laying trail. McPisser was rolling….literally….all over the place to get from here to there in the circle. And no, from what I understand, he didn’t do trail that day, so we can’t blame it on him being tired from trail!!
Anyway, I can’t remember much more about accusations….again, hangover and all! I do however, remember the interesting bit of entertainment that occurred once we got back to the Flying I ranch to start cleaning up. Since we all love abusing I Am Cumstain, someone found black duct tape and decided it would be fun to tape him to one of the poles of the tent. Then to add more insult….he pants were gradually taken down. But no, we didn’t expose him completely! he he he…ha ha ha!!
So we gave out the remaining food to hashers, to “nature” as Pussy Checker said, and to anyone that would take the stuff to the next hash! Finally got our own tents down…then off to home I went! Tired, exhausted, but happy that we had a FANTASTIC time at the Houston 30th Anniversary Campout! I would have to say a GREAT time was had by ALL!
I Am Cumstain has an addendum to this hash trash:
First of all let me say excellent write up by 8″ Crack and awesome weekend. By far my best hashing experience to date with much more Houston fun in the future. I don’t think I’ve every laughed more in my entire life. If I may add one thing that you may have overlooked from the hash trash is as follows.
Picking up where 8″ left off:
One by one as hashers stumbled away from the still roaring campfire. Then there were three: McPisser, Klosi7 Phreek, and myself. During the midst of our discussion (no doubt about politics and pomegranates) McP caught a nasty case of the hiccups. KP being a nurse, prescribed that McP drink from the top lip of his vessel to cure himself. To demonstrate, KP leaned over to show how one should drink. McP, following by example, leaned over and upon having a sip of beer, lost his balance and fell face first into the corner of a log protruding from the fire. Magically, it worked and the hiccups were gone. As an unprescribed side effect, McP was left with a nasty black eye which was a constant reminder the entire weekend. Unlike the cock which was able to be scrubbed from Xena: Warrior Douche’s face, there was nothing McP could do but put ice on it.