The Death and Taxes Hash

Hares:  Death Cab for Bootie, Platterpuss*, Duke of Puke (as a stand-in for Platter)

50-60 hashers gathered on a downtown street side for chalk talk. I had gone for a little warm-up run (yes, I was made to drink for this) and saw that a cop car had pulled up asking questions.  Not sure what was said; the hash was subsequently left in peace to parade through downtown Houston.South, east, north, west, south again was sorta how the trail went.   Hares did a good job of keeping the pack together.   Trail was anywhere between 5.5 – 6 miles generally.  Great seeing veteran hashers still running strongly:   A. Wipe, Roller, and Saran Crap. 4 new boots: Rodrigo, Mari, her fiance and another guy.  Mari and her fiance expressed high interest in returning to the hash on a regular basis (they will be married this fall sometime; no date has been set).  And Shigmata and Death Cab for Bootie celebrated their one year of hashing.  The twins were there too – I think their birthdays are upcoming and they are hosting a run and/or happy hour.  One thing is certain: there is a keg of 1836 at the tennis center THIS Friday! Lastly, we had a visitor from the LA hash named I Did a Rod. He seemed to have had a really good time.

Accusations and the On On On: 1) Tender Vittles showed up within 5 min.of the pack taking off! And finished well before yesterday’s DFL. Yep. It was a good day for Tender. 2) Hooter Bill wore “new” clothes yesterday. A dingy yet non-torn hash shirt and shorts that fit him appropriately. 3) Nappy Headed Ho’s chest and arms showed us all how to NOT apply sunscreen! He had spots of lobster red and white all over from his day at the beach on Saturday. Truthfully, I thought he had a bad case of PI or psoraisis. lol! 4) Snatch modeled a gimmie from this year’s H4 campout beautifully. Krusty did the same, except he showed us all his hairy right cheek while running through the circle. Our visitor, I Did a Rod, couldn’t stop laughing. 5) Juices Flowing managed to still smile while selling her new and snazzy womens’ cut tees. She had fallen on Tues. while riding her bike through Terry H. Park. Apparently, a squirrel jumped in front of her and down she went in hopes of saving its life. 6) Boudin bits were brought to the “snack table” (which was in fact a curb).  A hasher claimed these tasteless boudin bits were made of the squirrel that caused Juices’ fall! 7) Road Kill ate the rest of the boudin links! 8) Whale’s Vagina brought to the circle a bag of Christmas goods to hashers. I Did a Rod said, “I LOVE that name!”. 9) I Did a Rod was called in for running with his shoes in one hand and his “coffee” in another for the first mile! I Did a Rod claimed that Dip Sh*t generously gave him a beer and said that the LA hash always drinks a few before their trails. Why break tradition? 9) Did Sh*t was called in a few times…for being a true Dip Sh*t. He stood in circle, belt unbuckled and zipper down and drank. Meanwhile, I Did a Rod said, “I LOVE that guy! He’s my soul mate!!!”. I called him into the circle for expressing feelings for another male. 10) Platter called Geek into the circle for running into branches and trees. And for making THE former Mr. TXIH drive them back to Houston. At this point, Rancid A. says, “Sasquatch prevails!!!!!!!!”. 11) Catcher in the Brown Eye was the only reboot. Loser.   He had been training and racing in triathlons! (so has A. Wipe and Flatliner and they keep hashing with us!). Unacceptable excuse. 12) Catcher was called in for gingerly stepping through and around a water crossing (near the shot check) and only to find out the water was 1 foot in depth. 13) Duke of Puke was called in for providing the shot check — I didn’t have any but was told it was nasty, horrible and downright disgusting. 14) Unladden Swallows screams while running through the circle, “New shoes b*tches!!!!!!!!!!”. Shigmata was called out for wearing his new Vibrams; he had purchased them 4 hours prior to yesterday’s trail. 15) At the Mothership (F. Saucer), Nappy Headed Ho was talking with a TJ, a potential new boot. TJ looked up our site and said he loved the names of McPisser and Reverse Cowboy. Reverse was present and I made the introduction. TJ knows Platter through the Saucer and expressed high interest in coming out! Overall, trail and circle were both fun and good…even the part where we ran through Hooter’s stomping grounds — homeless, stinky and half-naked men roaming three city blocks. (“Poo-cunte” sidestepped what was probably someone’s breakfast). Light sprinkles fell during part of the trail; otherwise, it was bone dry yet humid. We floated the keg by 6:30ish and ended circle. On-on to a great week! Brrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh


***Dick Assley Approved Hash Trash – 4/16/12***