Hash #1821 – Hashmas Party Trail

Hares: Ass Grabber & Palm A Lay

Yea, hashmas was upon us and it was time to imbibe the spirits of the season. Drunk on Christmas cheer, Ass Grabber convinced Palm A Lay that helping him lay a trail would be fun. And by all accounts, it was! They started their dead lay at the Federal Reserve Bank on Allen Parkway, who must have been very excited to see all the white powder outside their property. After ample time to vote on the best and worst trails of the quarter and year, the pack was treated to easily the most confusing chalk talk of the year. Trail was to feature dollops, falses, Be Karefuls, back checks, stars of David, arrows, bible verses, and no boob checks! Loosed to the south, the hounds and harriettes sought their elusive prey, flour. The trail looped down to Wiley Park and Fa Realz honky tonk then back towards the parkway. After krossing karefully, flour led across the bayou on the pedestrian bridge to a check where some parkour enthusiasts were cavorting in the perfectly ordinary December heat.

Dollops were found to the east and directly followed. The pack then found their way under Memorial parkway and thence ascended to grade, to use the “sidewalk” overhanging the bayou with minimal clearance from traffic and obstructed by orange cones. It made for a hairy crossing, one of the more dangerous parts of trail in recent memory. All arrived safely at the other side, however. The half minds then furiously followed flour around the HPD memorial ziggurat, which Dick Assley zenned past. Thinking themselves at a beer check, the pack instead found the On In. Whilst waiting for the DFLs to arrive, Heartache entertained the lot with tales of hashing in the most dangerous ghettos in town. There was also cake. Now, if you read these trashes frequently, you may have noticed the third person omniscient point of view. Well time out for a personal notice. I thought that cake rocked. It was literally the best I ever ate. Even though it was left over from the night before. It was sooo good, dude. If it was darker out, I may very well have put my penis in it. Enjoy eating your holiday baked goods now!

CIRCLE

A thirty-something turnout made for a lovely, intimate circle. Duly erected Religious Advisor Ramrod began proceedings with The Hash Family. After fêting and flagellating the hares, the reboots were reintroduced. ATV had been learning to fly (tongue-tied and twisted, an earthbound misfit, she) and Shuttlecock was experimenting with bi(cycling). After celebrating the birthday of Stinky Lips, usual business was over. Huzzah! Accusations began with Palm A Lay coming on to Heartache, mentioning that they were both silver foxes after her virgin-lay deflouring. Getting back to the traditional, dishonorable fare, ATV was accused next. Upon entering circle, she asked casually “is it okay if I take my shirt off now?” Let it be known far and wide that the answer to this question is always, and unequivocally, yes. It seems she could not handle a hot pocket properly and burned her tummy after it slipped from its microwaved sleeve. Hot pocket? Hot vagina for your breakfast. Swish. Tender Vittles then drank honorably for picking up several free kegs from hasher-owned Lone Pint brewery for the day’s festivities. In pedo twinkie news, Pull The Plug and Parson’s Nose and Hind Legs were wearing matching Santa running outfits. It’s a great way to get kids on your lap. Following, Whale’s Vagina drank for breaking a great hash rule and using logic. If the wheels on the bus go clunk-clunk-clunk, they must be triangular and not square, duh. Late arrival and immediate DFL Hooter Bill arrived in his usual fashion, from the other side of the bayou, from the splendid domain of Jandom. Tender Vittles was then accused of animal husbandry and exciting Merlin too much. [Copy] [Paste] [Joke about peanut butter] (Or cake!) The hares drank for not announcing the PI on trail. Despite being an urban trail, there was some, and it was the characters made in spray paint. The RA then drank for playing solo King of the Hill to make a booty call to hashers zenning way off trail. After Moobs Like Jagger drank for playing his keytar with no hands, it was time to swing low and GTFO.

ON AFTER

The On After was several hours later, at the H4 Hashmas party. But that is another trash…

ANNOUNCEMENTS

  • Did you think this trash sucked? Do something about it by laying an interesting trail. You can start as early as January 13!

On On me droogies,
Your ‘umble narrator,
Whale’s Vagina