Hared by Shitdickassballs & Can’t Hack The Sack
It doesn’t matter where you start a hash right? Hey let’s start at the White House during President Obama’s inauguration! Sound good ok bring your hash bags then. Well since we’re in Houston and not Washington let’s start at the Houston Zoo on a beautiful Sunday, meet in the parking lot. Done. Ohwaitaminute. Hashers are EN ROUTE and there’s zero parking and it’s a zoo at the zoo, email me a new location over. WillHePeter to save the day. Go to an elementary school. Don’t worry all hashers know where they are. Crisis avoided. And so it was.
The pack amassed and hung out and took things cool, you know, only heckling the frantic hares a little bit. Young Shitdickassballs grabbed his sack o’ flour and ventured off on the live lay. Ramrod did his best Richard Simmons impersonation and stretched the 1 muscle that he has. Duke of Puke kept shouting that he was going to be FRB and catch that wascally wabbit. Rancid Asshole snuck off 4 mins before the pack. Death before honor. Several hashers replaced their wristwatches with the warm Big Flats and drank a pull every minute until the 10min lead was done and then off they went like a dress on prom night.
Trail zipped right on back to the zoo, the original start, as if SDAB was saying SEE I TOLD YOU SO. It was quite the clusterfuck scene of Zoobies. Hashers ran through the busy parking lot as if everyone was in a giant Frogger game. Remember when George Costanza played Frogger in the street with an actual Frogger arcade game? Meta man. Trail took us through a really rad community garden, there was hanging fruit everywhere. The 2 security cameras were sure to have captured stills of Whale’s Tail grabbing that giant melon. Mmmmmm. I hope it also caught footage of Comma Sutra deftly running into a low tree branch. Whale’s Tail’s reenactment at circle showed us that it knocked her right on her tookus. Comma Sutra showed everyone her bump and ice was sensually applied like you see in those foreign movie sex scenes you watch when your parents are asleep. That’s why you’re bilingual.
Trail ended at the pavilion that everyone knew it would. GREAT snacks where there, a deliciouso keg provided, and a game of dodgebeer went down. Circle was fun and our RA Ramrod showed off his songbook skills by singing to Brady’s Bitch her theme song of “Brady’s Bitch” to Brady’s Bitch the theme song “Brady’s Bitch” helpmeican’tstoptypingBrady’sBitch. The talkative types were properly iced with a topper of Coney. The hares drank early for their shifty start. Shitdickassballs was then called out by his brother for placing his brother with beer check duty and not having a beercheck. For shame. Ramrod, Duke of Puke, and Rancid Asshole drank for being wannabe racists. Unladen Swallows drank for being a S&M know it all and for working in both a church store and a porno store, which was clarified not to be in the same shift.
The swing low happened and then people made their way to the Alabama Icehouse where I’m sure everyone behaved and spoke with their inside voices.