#1842 Hash Trash – Texas Revolutionary Hash

Written by “Tastes Great/Less Filling” aka “Mini Pearl Necklace”


Let us begin this trash with a reading from the Gospel according to Ramrod, advice second chapter verses 15-17:

15Austin sucks balls.  16Whale’s Vagina is from Austin. 17Therefore Whale’s Vagina has a mouth built to suck balls.”

The word of Ramrod.


As the On Sec is sucking balls somewhere adrift in the Gulf of Mexico our Grump Master in training asked if I would share my experiences from this Sunday’s run with those who were in attendance and the lazy hashers that thought Pasadena was too far to drive on a Sunday.

Being the 4/20 hangover hash, diagnosis the hounds assembled at the appropriately named location, buy THC hospital known for its world class dispensary. Once the usual chalk marks were explained to the hash we were on-on!  A quick search lead us to the first marks and we took off into the neighborhood.  At the end of the street we found the first check.  Across the street we spied a small patch of white.  Surely the hares were crafter than this, I thought.  We continued down the street a bit further and lo and behold, a second and a third, ON ON!!  This pattern continued for several more checks and four miles of pavement pounding when we came to a small park where the local civilians were enjoying their Sunday.  A little jaunt through the park we came upon Butt Pirate and 8” Crack who bestowed upon us water, Gatorade (what flavor is blue?) and beer flavored water.

Once a beer like substance had been consumed, we resumed our pavement pounding.  We turned to corner to discover a check.  Surely the flour mustn’t be far!  We looked left, we looked straight and finally right.  A white blob, then another and another and then an F.  Fuck.  We began our search anew.  Straight it was followed by a left, a right and then another check.  A little jaunt down a dirt road along a drainage ditch rewarded us with a dollop of flour leading us to a choice to make; a: try to scale a razor wire fence or two, b: follow the flour on in to a dark, dirty, wet hole or c: turn back because we are afraid of the dark.  All except Hooter chose to face their fear of dirty wet places and enter the tunnel.  Upon our exit from the tunnel of toxic waste we finally found the glorious shaggy that had been promised.  Follow the fence down into the woods and back out to the fence again.  Follow the fence a bit further and another check.  McPisser being the shortcutting zening master that he is, boldly shouted “you’re not falling for that again, are you? Bwa ha ha.”  So we followed the fence as long as we could and once again found flour leading to a meadow for skipping through a final left turn and the on in atop a bridge to nowhere spanning the Sims Bayou.

At the on in the hounds devoured a wondrous spread for the hash feast and washed it down with the nectar known more commonly as Shiner Bock.  Once most had found their way in, Ramrod announced “Circle up in 8 ½ minutes!!”  Twenty-five minutes later he shouted “Circle up in 3 minutes.”  After another 10 minutes McPisser decided enough with Ramrod’s shit, I’m getting EZ Fag and we’re gonna get this shit show on the road with or without the RA.


Circle began with the hares Butt Pirate, Dickrectionally Challenged and Pull the Plug drinking for their shitty trail.  There was a virgin Marrianna who drank for being a virgin.  One visitor claiming to be from Sydney came forth.  Burn the f’n lot!  Reboots appeared from far and wide and drank for their laziness.  Snatch Trick and others drank for their birthdays along with Man-witch for surviving his first year of hashing.  Hound tags were bestowed upon One Eyed Snake Charmer for 50 runs and Dumpster Digger for 666! Get a life.

The accusations began with McPisser alleging that Dickrectionally Challenged relieved himself of some spicy juice on the bridge whilst McPisser was working on his tan just a few feet away.  GUILTY! There were many more accusations for the hare’s shitty behavior, the virgin for being a virgin and Parson’s Nose for trying to blend in despite being a foreigner.  Our auto wankers (Booby Trap, Just Katherine and Just Chris) drank for their pitiful performance.  While attempting to catch the pack they found Andrew who warned them about the territory ahead and if they found anyone that gave them trouble just to sat they knew him.  Seems legit.  At some point, Just Josh noticed a Pholcus phalangioides crawling across Just Katherine’s back.  He immediately sprung into action, screaming like a girl and slapping it away.  Once order had been restored and the spider safely released into the wild, Just Josh began to recount his tale of his brush with death to McPisser and how he vanquished the might Daddy Dong Legs [sic] spider.  He was immediately called into the circle and the name “Daddy Dong Legs” was proposed and a vote taken.  Also of note, “Speed Bumps” was another option for his defensive moves in the roadway during Thursday’s PC Hash.  On your knees, cuntgratulations to “DADDY DONG LEGS”!!

Circle continued to be entertained by  8” Cracks enthusiastic rendition of “Swinging Tits” so she was made to emulate Saran Carp’s version of the “Banana Song” much to the amusement of the hash.  Once the keg was given its last rites, we swung low and returned to the start.

We gathered at a delightful little establishment named the Park Grocery (saved as “1811 On After” in my GPS) to continue our festivities.  McPisser and Ramrod entertained all in attendance with their massive music libraries and Party Boob entertained with her massive dream library.

If I’ve forgotten anything, too bad.


Mini Tastes Pearl Great, Less Necklace Filling