Allow me to introduce myself.  I am Cleotus. We've never met before, probably due to the fact that I have not been born yet.  I sure you are confused, so allow me to explain.  For now, my home is in the womb of Cums Daily.  From the day I was conceived, I was self aware and soon became aware of the world that existed outside of Cums Daily's body.  I am not the only one here either.  Festus shares the womb with me.  Festus was conceived on the same day that that I was - sired by none other than The Manhandler.  That being the case, it is no wonder that Festus in not as intelligent as me.  Please don't misunderstand, I love Festus.  We share the common bond of twins, something that nothing can interfere with.  I will care for and protect poor, simple Festus, much like my father protects Festus' father from harm.  You may wonder who my father is, if not The Manhandler.  All I can say on that subject is that my father is one of the most intelligent, athletic, handsome men in the world, which accounts for my grasp of language at age -6 weeks.  Oh, I have said too much - by now you have figured out that I am taking about Saran Crap.  I am sure this no surprise to you.  Now that you know who I am, allow me to tell you a story.  It is the story of my first hash.    

I was feeling hungry again that day.   I used my influence over Cums Daily to tempt her to consume a hickory swiss bacon burger, but it didn't work.  Damn!  I was so sick of veggie burgers that I felt like hurling.  So, I did.  I determined then and there that it would be my life goal to get her off the veggie wagon, starting right then.  Exercise, I thought.  That's what she needs.  I need to get her out into the fresh air, get the blood pumping, the stomach going, and then get her to throw a steak down her throat while she is weak.  I had heard about this hash thing and it sounded like the perfect vehicle to achieve the steak dinner that I craved.  I again used my influence to convince Mom that she wanted to hash today (she is so easy on some things), and we were soon on our way.

Trail started, promptly 28 minutes late, in the vicinity of Wilcrest and Memorial.  The day was a beautiful hashing day, complete with sunny weather, recent rains and a fair temperature, although the humidity was pretty high where we were.  The hares, Thai’d One and Can’t Hound, were quite enthusiastic about the trail, probably because they knew what was in store for us.  Can’t Hound Apparently had just finished relaying the trail, and was such a mess, Zit Sucker thought he was a homeless guy and gave him a blanket, two fudgecicles, some Retin-A and a stale bagel she found in Such-a-Puss’s car.  Can’t Hound never let on and thanked her profusely, but never could get any spare change from her.  The hares then pointed the way and we were off.
After a quick backcheck, Saran Crap somehow managed to find the trail and was FRB for mere moments before Geek flew passed him.  (I guess the portapotty was in view and there was no stopping him)  After winding through the neighbor hood for a few minutes, we quickly moved to the shiggy.  Semen immediately made an impact, namely by impacting the ground with his ass while going down the muddy bank.  Manhandler then did the same by taking a header into the creek.  Cool.  After milling about for a bit, someone found trail and we were off.  What glorious urban shiggy it was too.  Eventually we came out of the shig and lo and behold, a water check.  Estrus and Heartache were overheard bitching about how old they were, but they were born old, so who cares.  
After the water check, we trampled through some of the most glorious mud: it must have caked on 6 inches thick to the bottom of our shoes.  Trail headed out to Beltway-8 and then through the waste water treatment plant before we were once again up to our necks in shiggy.   On we ran, the trail alternating between asphalt and woodland territory, until at last we reached the On Home at a dead end road that backed up to the bayou.  The circle was as entertaining as I had heard that it could be, my father was witty and vibrant, while on the other hand, Festus' father hurled 3 times during the course of the circle.  

Following down downs, we retreated to Thai'd One and Can't Hound's home to enjoy their hospitality, which included a pool and good food.   We didn't stay for long though, because with the smell of the food and a little help from me, Cum Daily suddenly had a craving that could not wait.  Within five minutes we were in the drive through at  Whataburger and she literally inhaled a box of deep fried chicken tenders and onion rings.  Not exactly, the meal that I had hoped for, but a step in the right direction!
  On-On "Cleotus"