 RUN NO. 1003 VENUE:
RICE UNIVERSITY HARES: "JOHN
BOY" & "STOP-N-BLOW"
THE WEATHER:
A warm spring day (80 to 85 Deg. F), humid (in true Houston
form), windy with gusts, and partly cloudy with some potential rain clouds.
PRE-RACE (I MEAN RUN) PSYCHOLOGY:
Never before have a pair of hares and a run theme been more
mismatched. You might expect these hares to title a run “Slip, Slide,
belly-crawl, dog-paddle or stumble swamp-fest” but a bike & blader friendly JB
& S-N-B run? Where were they going to find a deer lease near Rice U? … Or
inbreeds with guns? These are the kind of questions I’m sure people were asking
themselves as they descended upon Rice parking lot # 13 for the 3pm…
…START:
The pack left the parking at exactly 3:30. I know this
because I was driving up as they dispersed (I graduated from the Hooter Bill time
management program). As a concerned John Boy implores me to hurry, I reply, “
Ah…it’s OK, the FRB’s will need a head start on me.” To which
John Boy responds in kind promising me a down-down in the circle. As I’m taking
my time getting ready another hasher drives up. John Boy with a shitty grin on his
face says, “… looks like you get to run with Letch.” Now in a hurry,
I slip on may hash shoes throw down my hash bag and bolt off in search of the pack leaving
Letch and the hares behind.
THE TRAIL…
…. Leaving the parking lot meandered through the
well-to-do neighborhood north of Rice Campus. After a check or two I caught up with
the walkers just north of Bissonet. The trail then turned west and after rejection
from several other walkers (bloody wankers), Sweet Seat (good girl) revealed which way the
pack went. I caught up with the back of the pack at Poe Elementary. It was
apparent to me at this point how many people had donned blades or a bike for this hash
(cheaters!). There were a couple of more checks to the west then trail headed back
south to the northwest corner of Campus. I had been paralleling a couple of blocks
to the east of trail and as I crossed Rice Street I could see the long line of runners,
bladders, and bikers fighting the gusty wind across the parking lot to the beer check
south of the stadium. Fortunate for everyone’s personal safety, Cum’s
Daily was in not in attendance; the wind would have rendered her hair a lethal
weapon. However, the wind did serve a useful purpose at the beer check cooling
hashers as they enjoyed a cold one.
The second half of the trail found us exploring the
well-to-do neighborhood south of the Campus. We then headed east through the Medical
Center crossing McGregor to Brays Bayou. Here were given the option of crossing the
Bayou via bridge or wading. I, as most sensible people did, chose the bridge
crossing. Now wait a minute…I know what you’re thinking…. But
I’m not a wanker. I didn’t wade because I believe the bayous are polluted
enough without hashers running through them. But anyway, a few brave souls- Fed Ex,
Saran Crap, and Pipes-did brave the waters to horrific consequences. According to
these guys the bayou was full of five-pound man-eating piranhas. Fed Ex and Saran
crap barely made it out of the bayou alive; whereas Pipes couldn’t get the
carnivorous fish to come anywhere near him. Anyway, It was good to see that JB & S-N-B
could inject some element of danger into a non-shiggy run. From the bayou
crossing the trail headed east finishing on the southwest side of 288 and McGregor.
After nearly five miles of running in the heat JB’s red Nissan was a welcomed site
(IT’S BEER TIME!!). The FRB’s were Ass Grabber, Eraser Head, PP, Low Profile,
and myself. Muscle Phart earned DFL honors and was heard muttering a standard Phart
phrase, “I ran trail were trail should have been.”
THE ON-ON,…
…adjacent to 288, was set up on an unkept lot with slabs
of concrete left from whatever was previously there. All the traffic entering 288
could view the finish and I had noticed several cops buzzing around in the area.
There were two kegs of beer: one piss and one Brew U dark with “mild” written on
the keg cap. The hares also provided homemade salsa and Popsicle’s.
Saran Crap, apparently starved for entertainment, found much
pleasure in playing with the dry ice used to keep the Popsicle’s cold. He first
put the ice in his beer to cause a volcanic-like foaming beer mixture to be extruded from
his cup (FREAKY DUDE!), and, once bored with this, he sealed the dry ice in plastic
bottles until the expanding gas would burst the container with a BANG! Kind of
reminded me of the shotguns ringing out at these hares last run.
Noticeable missing from this run was Hooter Bill. We
had nobody at the end spastically trying to figure out were the trail had gone and where
he had gone wrong.
THE CIRCLE:
I don’t remember much about the circle except there were a
couple of decent accusations: Will He Peter accusing Pipes of having a K.D. Lang haircut
and Roller Balls busting Manhandler for driving his car near the end and running in like
he had run the whole trail.
Oh yeah, it was cool that JB forgot to get me for bragging as
he had threatened.
THE ON-ON-ON:
A few non-wankers made their way over to Brew U for the
ON-ON-ON, and some who didn’t do the run-Bush Snapper, Grind, and Gaslight.
Grind and Gaslight opted to do their own shiggy run on the bike trails at Memorial
Park. Late arriver Geek described how the police showed up at the ON-ON (after most
had already left) curious about what was going on, but soon had their curiosity satisfied
and then some after Geek submitted to a full cavity search. In an attempt to leave you
with a better visual image, Sweet Seat and Red Snapper put on a sultry display of Woman to
Woman dancing.
IN CLOSING:
For a untypical JB & S-N-B run the hares still managed to
incorporate a few of their old tricks- gun sounds (thanks SCrap), cops at the end, and
bayou crossings. Good Hash and thanks to the hares for stepping up to the plate.
On On Limp Noodle
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