SUNDAY, JANUARY 18, 1997 RUN NUMBER 991 VENUE: BUBBA’S SPORTS BAR HARES: “SCUD”, “BALD EAGLE” & “VICKAR LICKER”  

 Start at Bubba’s bar, Houston Texas. The sun shines bright and the air is clear, dry and shirtless warm on this January Hash Day. This is also the Houston Marathon day, so many of the Hashers have been up and drinking since 8:00 A.M. as they cheered the runners at mile 24. And some, actually did the big run. Me? No thank you. I spent Sunday morning with Sam & Cokie and some leftover Cheezy Poofs.

So, it is three-thirtyish and “Scud” (the only hare to claim any responsibility for the trail), sends us Hounds off in the direction of Memorial Park. Some on-on’s are called out, but generally the pack is without flour and satisfied to track the walkers like so many stray dogs until we reach the park. An exception is “Shuttlecock” who sprints away like a greyhound possessed by a bee in his butt. “Saran Crap” is also FRB’ing and finding the fragments of trail that lead us in a zig-zag across the north side of the park. The general public is, of course, bewildered by this whistle blowing, shouting, running sweep of humanity as it moves herd-like, past them.

Then we disappear into the shig on the West Side of the park, a fine swampy mush from recent rains. Some flour is found on the railroad track. So are a couple of trains. One is bearing down behind a seemingly oblivious “Roller Balls” who is looking for the trail on the Katy Freeway Railroad Bridge. Several hashers are trying frantically to wave him off the tracks. He is smiling and waving back to his new fans. Fortunately, it  is a Union Pacific train, so the safest place to stand is in the middle of the tracks.

A false trail is found that leads south on the tracks and a couple spots of flour lead west along the Katy Freeway margin. Is there a check and a trail around here somewhere? It costs about fifteen minutes and the scattering of the pack to answer that question. Also it requires the blood sacrifice of “Wee Willie Wanker”. He literally tears into the briar patch and finds more trail on the shiggy side of the Polo Club grounds.

I abandon hope of following this swampy jungle trail and seek the high, dry and clear of the polo field. The lovely “Steaming Bush”, and ever-happy “Happy Dangler” are of a similar mindset and we finally break free, not on to  green pastures, but right into God’s own big, dry Horse Manure Mountain. Everything considered, this is not unpleasant. We three resolve to wind our way out along the Polo Club road and look for the On Home at the Full Moon parking lot. But then . . , LOOK FLOUR! “Licks His Own” speeds by (probably doing his second lap of the trail). And ahead is the pack, milling around a check at the Memorial Drive and West Loop intersection. From there the pack follows the fragmented trail south, then up the wooded hillside to the On Home at the old abandoned park archery range.

I like this On Home location. A remote clearing in the woods that is already buzzing with a crowd of FRB’s, Chevy short cutters and bone tired but happy to be alive marathoners. There are visitors (must be half of the New Orleans Hash) and re-boots (“Low Blow” and “Oh Shit”, who are fixated on a leaf rake that they alternately fondle and brandish) and even another “Magoo”, “Mrs. Magoo”, in from New Mexico and celebrating her birthday.

The only down-side to this remote spot is that the Hares did not haul in any water jugs or extra beer kegs. So “RA Tonka” takes command of the only keg and religiously guards it in the Circle for Down-Downs. Not good. We resort to stealth, lies and accusations to obtain beer (but what’s new?). The funniest is “Saran Crap” who, with his empty cup in one hand and the beer tap hose in the other, scampers in tethered laps around the keg and fills his cup, hotly pursued, but not caught by “Tonka”.

The sun fades into the west and the Hashers fade back to Bubba’s for the On-On-On. “Vibratits” is still glowing and going after accomplishing the Marathon that morning, “Clit Oris” is dropping his pants to demonstrate underwear design and user technique. And “Scud” is patiently explaining, for the umpteenth time, where the Hash Trail really was!
  Scribed By: “Dumpster Digger”

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