1998 Pooper Bowl Hash: Pictures
The great “Pooper Bowl” run of 1998 started at 2:00 . . Hash time . . Which means the actual start was 2:45 . . . from the American Bank parking lot on Buffalo Speedway and 610. I missed the start since the On Sec graciously volunteered me to write the “Hash Trash” at 2:44. When the run started, I was busy scurrying around trying to find a pen and paper . . . . I can’t remember this bullshit without taking notes! The first half of the trail was very similar to one set by “Heartache” and “The Worm that Turns” a few weeks ago. The trail started with a check and false trail that immediately inverted the pack . . . for a while. That was the last I saw of the FRB’s until the keg. The scenery never changes for a slow “ole fart” like me since I am not the FRB. The only thing that changes is the asshole in front of me. The trail went through some shiggy and into the abandoned “Hazelwood Oil Field” with its collection of spilled oil, abandoned tanks, and oil field trash . . . meaning equipment . . . not people! ! ! Including the same half-torn down oil tank that still had Hash footprints in it. Just when we thought we were in for a repeat trail . . . I guess the Packers were hoping for a repeat to ! ! ! . . . by going out of the oil field and turning right along the railroad tracks and running for about 20 miles of railroad tracks . . . the hares tricked us and put a back check in the tracks. Trail was soon found off to the right in the middle of shiggy and continued on into a residential area. The trail crossed under 610 and would up at a favorite Hash location at the corner of 610 South and 610 West. We just barely had time to start enjoying the two kegs of beer and delicious food (including chicken legs, ham and cheese and tortilla roll up things, and of course the Hash staples of tortillas, bananas and peanut butter) before the Religious Advisor started her lame whistle to call the circle . . . which of course everyone promptly ignored her until they were good and ready for a circle. The circle was unusually quiet with everyone waiting for the big announcement of who would be the new “Pooper Bowl” Queen or King. Of course it started with the traditional hare down down. There were four new boots, Christi (“Dr. Strangehash’s” friend), Michelle, (who shares the “Token Virgin” along with “Low Profile”), and Joey and Jason who are friendly with each other and also with Dave Gilbert. There was one visitor, Penis-ill-in, from Oslo. Ms. RA either forgot or did not bother with the reboots, and birthdays. The accusations were unusually few and lame. Even the Love triangle of “Roller Balls”, “Manhandler” and “Saran Crap” could not come up with one. The most notable accusation was “Half Moon” whining about his arms being tired from having to hold up a “Go Juna” sign. The purpose of the sign was not clear . . . something about cheering her along in the Marathon, or cheering her along in bed because either she is bored with “Half Moon” or he thinks anything more than 5 strokes is a sexual Marathon! ! The much discussed and anticipated “POOPER BOWL” ceremonies had finally arrived with everyone, except Green Bay ! ! ready for the big moment. “Such-A-Puss started the “Pooper Bowl” by honoring all the past recipients who were present or had stand ins, and then proceeded with a “name the Turd” game where the panelists tried to guess the lucky winner. And the winner is “PIPES”. . . . Speaking of “Pipes” . . . “Pipes and his buddy, G’day Mate, were cruising the Australian Outback one day when they came upon a poor hapless sheep with his head stuck in the barbed wire. G’day Mate, being of fine Australian / Kiwi mix wasted no time “ramming it home”. (Editorial note for all fair feathered females . . . ramming is a pun since it refers to both the sex act and a male sheep) G’day Mate asked “Pipes” if he was interested. “Pipes” was hesitant and G’day Mate said, “go ahead an try it, you may like it”. So, “Pipes” walked over next to the sheep, dropped his drawers, and stuck his head in the barbed wire ! ! ! Anyhow, back to the “Pooper Bowl” . . . the theme for this year was pancakes . . . and “Pipes” was promptly anointed with orange juice, cooking oil, eggs, flour, syrup, and what ever else the chefs could find. After basking in the “glory” for sufficient time, “Pipes” decided to turn the tables and clean himself on the chefs. “Slick Fifty”, being slow afoot, was the first victim . . . and soon became “Slicker Fifty” after a liberal dose of cooking oil and eggs, etc. . “High Maintenance became the second “roll in the grass” . . . (after making a good chase of it and showing us some new fearful facial expressions). “High Maintenance” was so excited about rolling in the grass with “Pipes”, that he did not even have to borrow “Half Moon’s” sign ! ! The On-On-On was at Woodrows Ice House where we were able to watch the real “Pooper Bowl” . . . but the best entertainment of the evening was watching the one time braggart “Cheese Heads” with the strange triangles on their heads, tuck tails and leave after having been thoroughly disgraced by the boys from Denver. . . SCRIBED BY: “VICAR LICKER” |
“POOPER BOWL 98” SUNDAY,
JANUARY 25, 1997 RUN # 992 VENUE: AMERICAN BANK, BUFFALO SPEEDWAY @ LOOP 610 HARES: “SUCH-A-PUSS” & “SEMEN”