Church service over, hidden eggs found, and chocolate bunnies half way eaten, it was time to get to the real business of this beautiful Easter day – HASHING!
The sky was blue, the air was warm and the freeways were cluttered as we drove to the Clear Lake park and ride for the 3 p.m. start of the Easter hash. At this time of the day the park and ride held fair resemblance to a cast iron skillet over a raging campfire and many waiting hashers sought shade until the hares felt the time was right to set the pack free. With the arrival of 4 p.m. and Hooter Bill, the now heat-challenged pack headed south across Bay Area Blvd in search of trail. The hash was immediately sucked into the hares’ evil plot, following a westbound false after we crossed the bayou (via bridge) and then began scrambling for true trail again. The pack was then guided to true trail which zig-zagged south and east until we hit the southbound power lines and the bayou. Our portion of the pack found relief in the cool waters of our next crossing of the bayou (no bridge this time) and ran along the backside of an apartment complex until we stumbled upon Ass Grabber on the bayou in his boat. He wasn’t giving rides but he directed us back across the bayou (swim #2) to true trail.
We followed Slick Fifty and Mt. Ahjima through some brush and were then faced with the bayou again and a huge iron fence/gate blocking our way to true trail. We slowly made our way across the bayou using the gate, slid through the bars and found trail (bayou crossing #4). We made our way through the backside of NASA which included the sighting of a parked blue camouflage F-18. Heading south we crossed NASA Road 1, meandered through some business offices and then headed east. We followed trail down a dirt road for what seemed like forever (SOS’s GPS was no longer working after two wet bayou crossings) until we came upon a check and Hooter Bill yelling at us “Are you? Where’s the flour? There was a check?” With the great trail finder Thai’d One hashing with us, it was mere moments until we were back on track – looking for the end and a nice cold beer.
Within one-quarter mile we came to the end of land and were again greeted by Ass Grabber, accompanied by his first ships mate Group Sex. This time he was giving rides. Option 1 – Swim about 1/8 mile in the water and wait on the other side of the waterway to be picked up by the boat and shuttled to the end (reason given that we couldn’t swim the waterway due to high traffic and definite death by power boat). Option 2 – Jump in the boat now and get a ride to the end (wanker solution) – draw back being that only two people at a time could catch a ride. Smelling the beer and not wanting to stand around waiting, EZFag, Smooth Stroker, Fire Tunnel, SOS, Can’t Hound, Roy Orifus and Thai’d One took to the water (swim #3) and headed for the end – ice cold beer, here we come! We reached the pick up area and began the shuttle across the waterway to the on-on. Two at a time took a while and by the time poor EZFag finally got a ride in, he had missed the beer hunt and most of the food – he should have risked death and swam across the waterway!
The on-on was set on a sandy sticky-outy thing complete with a shade cabana, lounge chairs and the proud flying of a beautiful hash flag from an un-named neighboring hash. The hash was treated to cold keg beer, an Easter beer hunt, yummy snacks, stolen baked turkey and entertainment supplied by the locals and their water toys. A great circle started with a toast to ‘G’ and accusations O’ plenty including down-downs ‘honoring’ bald men, women who are better on their backs (and their friends), the ‘slope up’ theory, harriettes promising to ‘not be naughty, the Gordon’s fisherman wanna-be, the naming of Pimp Doggy Dog, and thievery at it’s best (worst?).
Neither one of us attended the on-on-on but rumors have it that all had a great time.
See you at the next hash!