Hares-Hindleg,Barbie and Keezer The Sleezer
Run# 1186
The hash faithful assembled on Addicks-Howell road, near Barker Reservoir, for what promised to be a truly glorious shiggy run. The last time we started from this particular spot the hares did everything in their power to avoid the shiggy. Surely this time things would be different. Obviously we would soon find ourselves twisting and turning through the undergrowth and splashing through the bayous. What could be better hashing than running through some of the best shiggy in Houston? Apparently the feeling is not universal.
After a long and involved explanation of the trail marks we were off down the levy. While most of the pack stayed up high, a few adventurous (or desperate) souls headed directly into the shiggy. P.P, Puppy Prick, Roller Balls, Ass-Wipe, Such-A-Puss and myself searched high and low but all we got for our trouble was the sound of whistles fading into the distance.
While we were exploring the awe inspiring foliage in Barker Reservoir the trail unfortunately was headed under Addicks-Howell road and into the neighborhoods on the other side. We followed the pack to a back check and soon found trail leading to a small patch of woods, false trail. Heading on back to the check we continued deeper into the majestic urban shiggy. Ass-Grabber, P.P., and Clark Kunt lead the pack through the twisting and turning asphalt labyrinth that was true trail. From this point on, the hare's evil, twisted, insidious design became clear. Each check seem to have a false trail that led just far enough into the shiggy to get your hopes up and then crush them to ashes as you hit a false trail or a back check.. Then it was back on the road, another check, a little shiggy, a false trail, with the occasional back check mixed in for a change of pace. The trail featured two water stops, ironically both in small patches of shiggy. In all fairness if you did the manly trial you did get some good trail running towards the end of the hash. Considering the potential though, it was to little too late. The vast majority of the trail was on city streets and consisted of at least nine false trails and two back checks. Having seen them all I can verify these figures as at least a minimum.
Shortly after the second water check Clark Kunt and I were finishing up the manly trail when we ran across Estrus coming from the opposite direction. Having seen precious little trail he was happy to have run into us. After a short discussion we determined that there was only one way the three us had not already covered. We were quickly ON-IN.
Upon arrival we found the walkers, some people who had done the short trail and curiously Heartache and Grind-Slut. Since we had not noticed these two hash luminaries on trail we respectfully enquired about their route to the finish. They laughed and said that they had headed into the shiggy and found the You Been Fucked at the beginning of the trail. Realizing that drastic measures were going to be necessary to catch the pack, they did the only logical thing, (CONSIDERING THE TRAIL). They found the biggest street headed in the opposite direction and ran down it. They soon found themselves at the trails end and FRB'S. A true exhibition of superior hashing skills or something like that.
Since the trail was pretty easy to follow it was with some surprise the pack noted the absence of P.P, Gaslight and Catamite as we sat around drinking beer and eating chips. It turns out that Salt-Water Taffy, tired of getting outrun by P.P., attempted to break his ankle on trail. Although somewhat depressed after the run by her failure she was encouraged by the fact that the sprain would slow him down for a while. Gaslight and Catamite appeared about twenty minutes later, apparently having blown through a back check against the advice of a walker they were passing. From all available reports, after they lost trail, they took a tour of the greater Houston metropolitan area, then doubled back and found trail.
In the absence of Easy Fag, the R.A. duties passed into the more than capable hands of Roller Balls. Displaying the surgical precision, overwhelming skill and lifelong experience of a hashing legend the circle rolled along like a well-oiled machine. Well it could have been that way, maybe? Sorry Roller, I'll give back the twenty bucks. In reality the circle seemed to lurch along like a drunken crack whore on Bourbon Street. Staggering first one way and then the next but somehow continuing to move under her own power. The highlights included the disclosure of Hershey Highway as Heartache's bastard son, the Nordic sexual fantasy of Grind Slut, involving Mo Better Ho and Chuy Bush and Slumbag's failed accusation about Silent Dick and his hat. While the circle continued, Mo Better Ho seemed to be drinking for everything and everyone. We said goodbye to one of our Nordic beauties, Chuy Bush, and hello to our newest German, long-legged import Lick Her Hard. When the circle began to slowly break up in favor of the food, Rain Bitch finally caught Toe Jam and forced him to do a down-down for giving Ally, Man Holer's wife, a ride on his shoulders but having her facing the wrong direction. It's well known that Rain Bitch is concerned with what everyone eats. If you could pass Hindleg's class, Taco 101, the hares provided some tasty food during, and after the circle. The On-On On was at an old favorite, John's Ice House. A good time was had by all. Thanks for putting on the hash gentlemen. If you didn't make it, hey it's O.K. WE TRIPPED THE URBAN SHIGGY FANTASTIC AND DRANK THE BEER WITHOUT YA!!!
Your Faithless Scribe
WOMB SERVICE ON-ON!!!