Author Archives: Cream On My Back

Hash #1839: The Easter Hash

Hares: Twinkle Toes, sale Shigmatta, Meatbox on snacky-poos?

Rogue: Tender Vittles & One Eyed Snake Charmer

Easter Sunday was a hashing day. Starting at an earlier than normal time of 2pm the pack joined up at the Full Moon parking lot of Memorial Park, everyone except for Blowhole who doesn’t know how to use the hash line or the internet just yet. The hares, I mean the real hares not the two hashers in bunny ears, decided to lay trail in easter eggs. The easter eggs were cans of Lone Star that were spray painted pink, blue, and poop and avoided any cold ice at all. Trail started into the outer rims of the Ho and was very well laid. This means there were tons of hot beer eggs to drink and not enough hashers drinking them as this was the freaking point! CSI made a valiant effort to drink every egg but complained that his prelube beer of Santa Fe Java Stout was filling up too much of his beer belly. In the internet this would be called a 1st world problem. So a short cutting he and Pogo went. Roadkill also did his part but woefully complained the he had drank colder coffee than these beer eggs. He told this joke 3 or 4 times and it got incrementally funnier to almost Jay Leno level but not quite there. Hopefuly he will refine it and add some new levels to it and then I will supply a purely complimentary guffaw.

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PP’s Birthday Hash Dribble Trail # 1838

Hare: PP

The pack flowed into I-45 & Spring Stuebner for what was promised to be a very shiggylicious hash, salve a taste of PP’s world famous artichoke dip, symptoms and a meet & greet with the local authorities. Success at every level! Well-travelled faces were a plenty: Louisiana, pills College Station, Fort Worth, and probably other visitors as well but I don’t know this because I did not attend circle. So if you were a visitor who cares! On On to the rest of the story.

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Hash # 1829 – Can’t Hack The Sack’s Birthday Hash

Hared by Shitdickassballs & Can’t Hack The Sack

It doesn’t matter where you start a hash right? Hey let’s start at the White House during President Obama’s inauguration! Sound good ok bring your hash bags then. Well since we’re in Houston and not Washington let’s start at the Houston Zoo on a beautiful Sunday, meet in the parking lot. Done. Ohwaitaminute. Hashers are EN ROUTE and there’s zero parking and it’s a zoo at the zoo, email me a new location over. WillHePeter to save the day. Go to an elementary school. Don’t worry all hashers know where they are. Crisis avoided. And so it was.

The pack amassed and hung out and took things cool, you know, only heckling the frantic hares a little bit. Young Shitdickassballs grabbed his sack o’ flour and ventured off on the live lay. Ramrod did his best Richard Simmons impersonation and stretched the 1 muscle that he has. Duke of Puke kept shouting that he was going to be FRB and catch that wascally wabbit. Rancid Asshole snuck off 4 mins before the pack. Death before honor. Several hashers replaced their wristwatches with the warm Big Flats and drank a pull every minute until the 10min lead was done and then off they went like a dress on prom night.

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Hash # 1827 – Dick Assley’s Birdday Hash

Hash # 1827 – Dick Assley’s Birdday Hash

Courtesy of:  Notorious Goose Grinder, Dick Assley, and Whale’s Vagina

Dick Assley got older so he thought it would be a good idea to corral up some Bad Company and lay a confusing trail. Well mission accomplished brother. Not totally true but some of it.

Trail started near (I never delete emails. Take that Hotmail!)(.)(.) Minding my business I was the lone dude to run right at the very first check. Rancid Asshole screams at me they’re on over here! They’re on over here! Which they weren’t. And since I get confused when men scream at me I followed his pointless directions.

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Hash #1822 – Hangover Hash

Hares: Snatch Trick and Urban Cocksucker

Sometimes things go together like peanut butter and jelly, or anal & lube. This day was fashioned like an old fashioned. Your city of Houston put it together like Free Pussy & Griff’s. Silly Similies and Smiles. Unadopted pets. Drool. Feces. I watched a building implode downtown that day and that wasn’t even the highlight of my day (no it was Roadkill. Always is.) What I’m saying is you hear the words Hangover Hash and you think oh my geeze a boring A to A with slow wits. And you would be wrong you Forrest Gump motherfucker. Because this is the Houston Hash House Harriers and surprises come like crabs to a prostitute (hi Rain Bitch!), 1 billion served McDonalds style. Recognize your hares Snatch Trick and Urban Cocksucker. They put about 60 hungover suckers in East Downtown near Navigation and Bohemeo’s. Right now the kids call it Eado. City slang.

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Hash 1819 – Insanely Slap Dat Pussy Hash

Hared by ICP and Slap Dat Ass

ICP and Slap Dat Ass brought the pack together for a Montroseheyyyy! urban noshiggy hash to celebrate their 69th year of analversarying together. We hung out at Walgreens as ICP donned some used surgical gloves to make flour angels on the ground. Then we ran away from him and tried to find more of this pac man dust throughout the hood. Lots of circle jerks occurred and I’m not talking about the fun kind. If you didn’t know your way around Montroseheyyyy! you do now bc you saw every square inch of it. Including ICPs house where we paused to drink some beer. Later on we saw McPisser and Urbancocksucker running the damn hash backwards. Apparently they knew we would end at Griff’s (spoiler) and heard about the righteous beer check. Buffoons I say.

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