Hash Run 1571

Hash Run #1571:
Hares: Master Chugger / Hooter Bill
Date: June 1, 2008
Location: Lowes at Ella / 610
Attendance: 82+
Hash Shit Awarded to: Grind Slut


One of the largest packs to date gathered to celebrate Hooter Bill’s 70th Birthday Run. On a “flaming hot” Sunday afternoon, 82 hounds met at the Lowe’s off of Ella and 610 just inside the loop. Our hares, Hooter Bill and Master Chugger, had promised a moderate length trail with a perfect shady ending.

After a very brief chalk talk by Hooter Bill, the hounds were off in the direction of Ella within the loop. We quickly crossed Ella to run in between some office buildings, where Ass Grabber was seen already resting on a bench, and then into Little Thicket Park where there was moderately challenging shiggy (say that 3 times). There was no warning of Poison Ivy on trail, but there were many groans when it was encountered inside the shiggy!

After coming out of the park, we headed out to the 610 feeder, passing the Boy Scouts of America, then crossed under 610 on TC Jester into another office building complex that offered a very welcoming amount of shade.

Back into some shiggy we went and out into a neighborhood we came where those of us in the back ran into Grind Slut, who was kind enough to admit they just ran a big circle and to follow the direction he was headed…Thanks Grind!! What a kind hound! Your secret is safe with me…

Anyway, along the shaded streets we went till we crossed back over Ella (is there a pattern here?) and into a field, coming out yet again onto some streets that led back to the 610 feeder outside the loop. We saw the muchanticipated BN with an arrow leading back under 610 on Ella and found the pack assembled in a very nice shaded area by the Harris County Democratic Party Office (sorry WHP!)

Once the pack was in, or we thought anyway, everyone quickly washed off the PI thanks to the water hose provided by the Democrats (the only thing they are good for….there ya go WHP). Mama’s Boy entered the circle, without his cheat sheet this time, and began by abusing our Hares Hooter Bill and Master Chugger. Next we welcomed our new boots Jennifer and Jason (I think), then roughly half of the circle entered as re-boots were called on for being MIA. There were numerous birthday’s this month, too many to remember other than Hooter, being this was his day! Master Chugger brought out his “special” cake, in the shape of a penis, and lovingly CUT into it for the group to snack upon! Transfers were introduced, which Deep Black Hole from Boston considers herself a new transfer EVERY week….she really just wants the attention and needs to do a down down beer! I guess she thinks no one will accuse her of anything! Your time is coming sister!!

Anywho, accusations began with McPisser calling out our new JM’s, Pipes and Ménage Myself, for being over achievers by purchasing a new Uber Tap for the Hash that is pretty much indestructible. And I might add very powerful!!

Grind Slut came into the circle next with cake in hand and a black garbage bag concealing a secret and calling on Hooter Bill. As Hooter entered the circle, Grind pulled out “The Hooter Bill Award”! Yes one and all, it has been found by Grind Slut….then BROKEN by Gind Slut! What?? Why would Grind do such a thing?? Without any
warning, Grind just beat on poor Hooter and broke his head off his little legs. The circle couldn’t believe what they had just witnessed. So shocked was Will He Peter,
current owner of the Hashshit, he came out and immediately handed it over to Grind Slut! After everyone had calmed down from the abuse of the “Hooter Bill Award”, Grind Slut explained Hooter Bill’s obsession with smashing a cake on his birthday. Hooter
proceeded to get down on his knees and smash that cake to smithereens!! Looking rather like a mad man I might add!

After enjoying several accusations and assuming that everyone was in, Butt Pirate shows up and was immediately harassed by the group. First of all, he was wearing a “race” shirt (so was I, but I always manage to get away with that!). Secondly, NARC accuses BP of calling him while on trail to find the ending because he was so miserable. However, BP had his counter accusation ready and accused NARC of obviously
answering his cell phone during circle. Down Down’s for both!!

After a few more lame accusations, draining a keg and several cases of Lone Star (thanks to Tonka for the beer run), the pack headed to Marty’s Bar for a Birthday
Celebration that only Hooter can provide! The group was treated to a great Zydeco band and an all you can eat Crawfish boil on the patio of Marty’s.
Those unable to attend the run showed up for the party at Marty’s. Several new faces to your scribe appeared and I tried to make it around to meet everyone. However, as
I’m sure Pussy Checker and Smooth Stroker will attest since they watched me trip over my own two feet (and one of those parking thingy’s), I was a little tipsy and can’t
really remember their names! Such is life!

Thanks to Hooter Bill and Master Chugger for a great hash! And may you have many more great runs Hooter Bill!!

Faithfully submitted and ON-ON,
--- On Sec ---
8” Crack

Hash Run #1570 Hash Trash

Run #1570 hared by Stuck on the Bone, McPisser and Semper Bi
Date: May 25, 2208
Location: Northwest Houston 290/Barker-Cypress

A sizable pack convened for a late summer start on the northbound service road just past the intersection of Barker-Cypress and Highway 290.

Hares McPisser, Sember Bi and Stuck on the Bone had planned a Marine-themed run to celebrate Memorial Day and promised via email and hash hotline for a pool ending. Unfortunately, the only marine-related portion of trail was a few small drainage ditches and a man-made fountain pond in front of a newly-built residential area. Temperatures in the mid-to-high 90s, combined with four miles of concrete and little tree cover meant this was one hot trail. In fact, as newly-elected On Sec I am officially proclaiming May
25th's hash as Hottest Trail of the Year. So Far. Officially.

The pack took off into a patch of trees just east of the start, a new office building, and headed towards H.E.B. before swinging northward into an empty field and then back south and west again under the highway. At one point we ran through a couple's backyard, past their mud-covered, collapsed above-ground pool. "Hi Stan!" several hashers yelled.

From there trailed looped around the edge of a golf course, into a series of nicely-manicured residential streets and along a few dozen backyard fences. I think. It turns out I'm directionally challenged and I also look at my feet the whole time I run, so I don't really ever remember exactly where trail goes. Lucky for me, this hash was well-marked and not too difficult to follow, and the checks were just challenging enough to break up the pack before allowing the stragglers to catch up.

About 3 miles in we rounded a sidewalk corner to see Stuck on the Bone in her funny hat handing out jello shots! Turns out the shot check was at SOTB's mother's house. SOTB's mom assured us trail was only about 1.5 miles longer and so we forged ahead, feeling refreshed.

From there trail rounded another man-made pond and headed along yet another brand-new street boasting brand-new houses. A little while later the final five hashers — Hooter Bill, Snatcha and Gus, Burning Rubber, Rain Bitch and Tits Ahoy see Muscle Phart running towards them! Muscle Phart encourages us to cut through a fence and follow a drainage ditch but most of us elect to follow true tail. Turns out Muscle Phart was right for once. But we didn't have far to go — past the neighborhood's security gate, cross the ankle-deep water in the ditch and emerge on the other side to find yourself just outside the backyard of our gracious hostess and hare, Stuck on the Bone. Trail was exactly as advertised and my iPod clocked the distance at 4.7
miles.

Something like 30 hashers must have washed themselves in Bone's beautiful grotto-like pool. Ass Grabber as usual had prepared a meat-lovers smorgasboard and two kegs were ripe for the drinkin'. Circle took place around the pool's perimeter, with down-downs occurring in the attached hot tub.

I learned the true story behind Twist-and-Shout's name when he showed up at the pool wearing a wisp of a gauze-like white baggy loincloth and called it a swimsuit. When he was made to drink for this crime he did a little hip twist and the entire circle shouted and covered their eyes in dismay.

Newly-elected Religious Advisor Momma's Boy was made to drink for his Decorate-It-Yourself drinking vessel, which he adorned with a cheat-sheet of hash lyrics. Yet he still couldn't start a single hash song, relying instead on Shuttlecock and McPisser to bail him out. Two visitors from Tampa were toasted who's names I don't remember but they were something like Smells Fishy and Hamburgler. (I just made that last one up.) Transfer hasher Hungry Hungry Hippo (I think?) was welcomed from Baghdad and Snatcha hereby predicts he will be popular with the ladies.

SOTB's sister (geek name Kotne), who only cums every once in a while, was named Clitopatra for her extravagant outfit during the joint Mosquito/H4 toga run. She was named twice in one night, in fact, because SOTB was giving a car-back and was not there the first time to witness it.

And in his inexperience, Momma's Boy called an end to the circle after only a handful of accusations, despite the fact that the two kegs were barely emptied. Many hashers grumbled at this, so once everybody had a bit of food in their bellies a degenerate circle was convened during which the accusations were lame and the songs were aplenty.

Other notable memories: a moment of silence was had for Beloved Coney; and Son of Coney, Coney Jr., was seen looking forlorn and lonely, lounging beside the pool all by himself. Spot on the Mat and her spawn were honored for making special Coney drinking vessels from which most of the pack drank. And since it was Memorial Day, the veterans of the hash were also honored
and remembered. The end.

— Snatcha promises to take notes next time

Dress Red Run #1555

On a beautiful cool spring Sunday in February, 42 hounds gathered at Terry Hershey Park on Dairy Ashford for the Dress Red Run. Red dresses were not mandatory, that will cum later in the year, but, this being the closest run to Valentine's Day, red garments were the theme of
this run. Parson's Nose, a hare, was sporting a bright red lace slip and Juices Flowing was clad in red undergarments.

A beer crisis the night before was averted by the gallant Pull the Plug who arrived just before chalk talk with a Budweiser keg from Beverage King of Pasadena. Yea. PTP!

The English hounds led chalk talk while Roll Model was taking care of the keg and he warned the hounds that this trail was laid in the best English fashion.

The running hounds, according to Parson's Nose, ran east from Dairy Ashford to Kirkwood by the golf course and then looped back to Dairy Ashford, then northwest to a beer check on enclave Parkway, then north to Memorial and west across the bayou and past Eldridge through glorious shiggy to Southmayde Creek, then south again to the dead-end and on-in.

I understand Roller Balls and Polly crossed the deep bayou twice, purely by accident. The trail ran through some excellent shiggy and scenic woods but the runners were never actually expected to cross the bayou. McPisser, thinking he would short-cut the trail by running straight to the end, ran right past the keg and Pipes, who was VERRY quiet, and eventually came in after the pack.

The walking hounds had a scenic tour of the middle third of Terry Hershey Park, then met at the beer check on Enclave Parkway. Walkers then covered more of the scenic views of the park before surfacing at the TransOcean building at the dead-end of Southmayde Creek for the on-in.

The circle, RA'd by Wad to Blow, indeed had ice and many hares and hounds left the circle with wet bottoms and cold asses. The peanut butter pretzels were a big hit.

Roller Balls, the last recipient of the Hashit, bestowed the honor of carrying it to an expecting though worthy soul.

The Derby Girls were putting on a roller skating show at the roller rink emceed by Will-He Peter and refereed by Rubbin' da Boy Wanker just up the street from the official on-on-on location, Big John's on Dairy Ashford. See if you recognize any of the Houston Hashers in the photo of the Derby Girls below

Hash Trash #1552

Hash #1552: Pooper Bowl 2008
Date: Feb 3, 2008
Hares: McPisser, Cums Anyway, NARC
Location Start: Westview and Blalock

H4's 2008 Pooper Bowl Hash #1552 was hared by the effervescent Cums Anyway along with live haring supplied by non-other than N.A.R.C. and the ever-svelte McPisser. It was a quick trail, punctuated by an early beer/water stop from the back of WillHePeter' s car, then on-on through the pastoral splendor of Spring Branch. The prediction for rain gave way to high humidity and the steamy 3-3.5 mile run was over soon enough to guarantee sufficient mayhem in the Reverend's bucolic backyard. Actually, multiple parties were going on simultaneously with the occasional spill over of the odd civilian. It was a great recipe for a party.

And speaking of recipes, Heart Ache became the main ingredient of a haggis "cook-off" as the proud recipient of this year's Pooper Bowl award. McPisser broke with the "sorta" tradition by not bestowing the honor to an opposite sex member (unless there are things about Heart Ache that are as yet undisclosed) , but I digress... Word is that at least one of the new boots appeared to be just a little horrified at the spectacle of Heart Ache being slathered in haggis ingredients. The worst haggis was yellow and in liquid form and poured directly over HA's head. HEAD! who...? The excitement made us hungry and fortunately. ..

A bountiful table was offered with to-die-for brisket, beans, trimmings AND the winning haggis, skillfully prepared by Grind Slut and cooked in the stomachs of a goat. Yum! Party lubrication for the sizable crowd was in the form of fine St. Arnolds amber as well as a keg of Lone Star, some wine, plus margaritas from somewhere in the front yard.

As the sky darkened, Half Moon's technical wizardry came into play with high-definition TV projecting some kind of sports event onto an amazingly good surface, probably a white sheet but it looked as good as any big screen TV in a bar. The stunning upset was inevitable with the passing of the St. Arnold keg and eventually the game ended too. It wasn't until the bitter end that your scribe learned of the trash writing task at hand. Otherwise he might have paid more attention. Sorry if I missed you.

buSh sNapPer

Hash Trash #1548 McPisser version

#1548 King Cakes in Kingwood
Hash: #1548 King Cakes in Kingwood
Hares: Rain Bitch, Wet n Dry, Spot on the Mat
Date: 1-6-2008
Location: Kingwood Drive, Kingwood, Texas

The hash line offered rather ominous directions, but 69 die-hard hashers made their way to the far back of Kingwood to run the King's Cake in the Woods in Kingwood hash. King's Cake is traditionally eaten on Jan. 6 on the first day of Mardi Gras.

Rain Bitch led the chalk talk and promised us several checks, more than one back check and water crossings. Trail started in the woods and crossed a bayou. Most hashers walked across the stones to cross the bayou while a couple of short-cutters had waded though a deeper part of the bayou. Then long straight-aways through developing neighborhoods for the walkers, while the runners trail ran through a GLORIOUS peace of shiggy that you just can't find in the city. The walker's trail got lost because the one who had verbal directions, Frannie Panni, abandoned them for the runners so the walkers were the last in.

The ON-ON had a great circle RA'd by Wad to Blow. Visitors included the entire Galveston crew, Santa Claus, Pearl Necklace, Can't Touch This, Pleather Balls and Living Proof from San Antonio. We celebrated Will-He Peter's 54th birthday and Spot on the mat gave him beer goggles.

This run also brought out quite a few re-boots we haven't seen for a while like Chicken Choker and Pump Me, Turtle Brains and The Pitts, DoppleGangBanger and Bleeder, to name but a few. Pearl Necklace brought a new boot as did NARC.

I remember a good accusation of Tai Tai Toy against Womb Service. Something about throwing his glasses. The hares were recognized for having 69 attendees. Grindslut stood in for Gaslight on one accusation and McPisser stood in for Cums Anyway (Giggles), who was glaringly absent, on another. And then it got lame…

Before the circle was officially over, several bored hounds started circling the excellent stew provided by Rainbitch like vultures. We had Beef Stew and Vegetarian Stew. All yummy!

The hashers retired to Hoot Country on Greens Rd. on the way back to town for another attempt at ON-ON-ON of the year, where there was pole dancing again , just like last time!! Just good friends, laughter, good beer and line dancing.

Faithfully submitted and ON-ON,

--- Roll Model & McPisser ----

Hash Trash #1551

Hash Trash #1551
Hares: Cock Broker, Pipes
Date: Jan. 27, 2005
Location: Heights area
End: Pipe's House
On-On-On: Shady Tavern

The tradition of noticing 26 January began early in the nineteenth century with Sydney almanacs referring to First Landing Day or Foundation Day. That was the day in 1788 Captain Arthur Phillip, commander of the First Fleet of eleven convict ships from Great Britain and the first governor of New South Wales, arrived at Sydney Cove. The raising of the Union Jack there symbolized British occupation of the eastern half of the continent claimed by Captain James Cook on 22 August in 1770.

Pipes' much-anticipated Australian Day Hash started at the Big Lots on N. Shepherd. The OTR had run in this same area just two days earlier, so Pipes introduced a new mark during chalk talk: the chalk line that said, "Don't go past this point!"

The hounds were off in a northwestern direction through the Houston Heights. Mc Pisser was seen coming back on a check and many hounds assumed he'd come across a false. "No," he remembered in the circle later, "that was true trail. I just didn't want to get my feet wet in the bayou!"

A couple of bayous and warehouse alleys and neighborhood streets later, the hounds converged on Pipes and Cock Broker's house off T.C. Jester. Lone Star was served and Cock Broker's excellent chili and spinach dip went quickly.

The circle saw many accusations and then Polly knocked over a pitcher of beer. Bad Polly!!! Roller Balls was issued the new Hash Shit for that…a ghastly back pack retrieved from the bayous of the last hash and given away by the last recipient, Power Tool, who had adorned it with a condom that expired in 1999. Roller drank from the vessel attached to the Hash Shit while Polly smirked.

Asswipe made a new boot, Kevin, cum, and he was recognized as were birthdays and anniversaries (Roll Model – TEN YEARS OF HASHING!). When the beer was gone, the hounds left for the on-on-on, announced to be at Marty's Bar at 23rd and Ella. A private party called for a new location, the Shady Tavern on 20th. A great turnout called for a HUGE bonfire, more beer and much rejoicing.

Happy Australian Day! Thanks, Pipes and Cock Broker!

---- Faithfully submitted by Roll Model ----

Hash Trash #1550

Hares:
Eight Inch Crack, Steps in Shit, Pull the Plug
Date: Jan 20, 2008
Location: Pasadena, TX

The aforementioned virgin hares, for inexplicable reasons, decided to lay a trail and for inexplicable reasons forty hashers showed up. The virgins went partners with Pull the Plug to lay the trail in the newly suburbanized part of Pasadena, the part where subdivisions are gradually replacing the horse pastures and light industry. The RA had arranged clear weather but as the wind picked up, it got chilly. Then it got cold. Then it got colder, especially the part of the trail which was knee deep in the previous day's rain.

There really wasn't any way to run the trail with dry feet, not even if you bypassed the beer check or the stretch of swamp which followed it. Hooter Bill was spotted setting down an unopened can of beer after the beer check, rather like a squirrel caching acorns for winter.

Pull the Plug was concerned that a train was sitting on the railroad tracks along Old Galveston Road, where the hares had scouted trail. At the chalk talk, he warned the runners to go behind the train rather than in front but by the time we got to the tracks the train had dropped off so many cars it was down to the size of a Metro commuter train.

You couldn't really fault the hares for much on this trail, so we seized on the fact that the Beer Near mark was NOT near. The trail was about the right length and though Blue Balls and Hooter Bill competed fiercely to be DFL, in the very end Geek and Lorna Doones came walking in just as the sky was turning dark, accusations were going from lame to WTF and hashers were leaving for fear of frostbite.

Yours,
Silent Dick