Weekly reports from the trails we’ve run. For hash trashes before 2008, click here.
Hares: Geek, Horsefli, Heartache, Too Drunk to Fuck, Dick Assley, Catcher in the Brown Eye, Flatline, the rest of Mismanagement and anyone else that helped run things.
Well, the H4 spring campout was this past weekend and boy was it a hoot. It all went down at an awesome place called MYBEACH1.com right on the San Jacinto river. It had plenty of camp space, shiggy swampland, two beaches, a pavilion and lots of great people. On-on for more…
Hares: Vanilla Starfish, Free Pussy
So what was supposed to be the Leather and Lace hash really turned into the 2nd Anal Punishment hash for no other reason than the hares strange fetish for S&M and anal play. The pack met up at Spotts park dressed in their Sunday’s best lingerie to a few strange looks from non-hashers coming to the park. We were also lucky enough to have some spying eyes from the roof of the adjacent building. One even flashed us as we waiting to start. Finally the hares did chalk talk and we were on our way to the promised Alcohol check . On-on for more…
Hares: Death Cab for Bootie, Platterpuss*, Duke of Puke (as a stand-in for Platter)
50-60 hashers gathered on a downtown street side for chalk talk. I had gone for a little warm-up run (yes, I was made to drink for this) and saw that a cop car had pulled up asking questions. Not sure what was said; the hash was subsequently left in peace to parade through downtown Houston.South, east, north, west, south again was sorta how the trail went. Hares did a good job of keeping the pack together. On-on for more…
Hares: Platter-Puss, AssSwipe, Guest Hare Ez to Please and Twinkletoes
(picture courtesy of C.C.)
What a fantastic day for a Red Dress Run with such a large group of hashers. I think the final number was 99 total hashers including quite a few reboots and more than enough new boots. One particularly awesome reboot was Hash Royalty, Miss TXIH Ez to Please, in from Boston. We also had Semper Pie visit us from San Antonio!!!! The pack met up at the Flying Saucer for some Texas Pints prelubing and by the time I got there, I could tell I had missed out. The place was packed. It was so full that half of the hashers had to hang out on the patio in their pretty red dresses while the hares “finalized their plans”(drank). On-on for more…
Hares: CSI and Picunte
This trail had a lot of things; Shiggy, urban shiggy, great views of downtown and a virgin ending. The one thing it lacked was flour. You may remember flour as that powdered substance we use to mark trails. There was so little of it on trail that whenever I saw some I knew instantly how twins feel when they finally see their sibling after years of being apart. The connection is that intense.
Lack of trail aside it was nice to end at CSI’s swamp on the edge of 45. The hash was treated to the first week of a two week piss mist from ATV. She decided to christen CSI’s neighbors yard with her nectar.
Oh fuck, I nearly threw up writing that.
Hares: Master Chugger, Emeritus, Hooter Bill, Slumbag
What a fun time and a great turnout for MC’s 30th year of hashing celebration!
If you weren’t there, you missed a fast trail, plenty of heat and food at the
On-In, and a hilarious circle!
Here are a few of my memories: On-on for more…
Hares: I F*cked Your Dad, French Drip, Toolbox
(Thanks for writing the hash trash Brrrrrrggghhh)
GREAT being back to the Houston hash! As McP mentioned, we did get stopped by a warden who mentioned it’s a Class B Misdemeanor for our trespassing. Thankfully, and according to McP, she gave him only a warning after he showed his peter to her. She stood stunned and speechless.
Two kegs….we think they were full kegs…simply vanished just before accusations. Nonetheless, thanks to Second Hand Job for handling the beer wagon.
IFYD, French Drip and Tool Box laid a most fun shiggy trail! 5 miles in length. Two virgins. And many reboots. Here is my quick recap:
1) The walkers were out on trail for a solid THREE hours. Lost, like the crew from Gilligans Island. Hooter, in a most adamant and concerned tone, stated that someone needed to look for the walkers. Il Castrato and I laughed at Hooter’s concern as Il C. stated, “Hooter — the walkers’ rights activist.”
2) Someone set up a hanging shower in the woods. All hasher dogs joined in howling unison as they extolled Closet Freak in her pure and nekkid beauty.
3) Refer to Point #2 – Closet Freak in the nude. Pimp Dawg was called into the circle for cleansing in the above said shower and expecting that Closet F. was next to him. He saw a nude back and longer, curly hair. Imagine his surprise when his shower partner turned to face him and it was Tree Hugger!! (Insert “Sodomy” song here).
4) Butt Pirate sported his new ironman tatoo on his right calf. Quite unique. He is scheduled to do IM Texas again!
5) I congratulated Dangleberry on his marathon debut! 2:58:01. Outstanding! !!!
6) The game warden imposed her authority of our trespassing by stopping the 2nd hasher, Tender Vittles. At this point, Saran is well ahead and speeding down the embankment. Tender then yells, “Saran!! Saran!! Come back!!” Game warden says, “What’s he doing down there? He could get hurt!!!”.
7) Saran called out Just John for coming up short of tip money at the Yardhouse bar a week or so ago. Saran gave Just John the money he lacked/needed. Saran proposed the naming, “Short Tip”. Great idea! However, “Tipper Whore” was claimed as his hash name. (Which BTW, he despises…) .
At the On On On, I’m waiting for a beer at the bar while Parson’s Nose is making new friends within a few feet. One of the regulars asked me (pointing to PN), “Is he your husband?” I laughed heartily and asked PN for his answer. He replied, “Not tonight”.
9) An official paddle was given to various hashers to spank the girl whose bday is tomorrow. Closet Freak gave a whopping blow to IFYD that I think sent her to the heavens. It was harsh.
10) Many of you missed this, but about 5 hashers were pushing French D.’s vehicle from the front as it was sorta stuck in the mud. All who were pushing gave a heave-ho. One who gave an honest and all-out effort was Urban Cocksucker. He pushed and fell face forward in the mud! Everyone else kept their balance, except him. It was a complete riot to see.
Trail was great, circle was fun and there are many more stories to share….but this harriette has to hit the hay!!
On-on to more hashing and Pooperbowl next week!!!
Brrrrrggggggggggghh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhh
(Verified Official Hash Trash by Dick Assley, 1/30/12)
Heartache = Yellow
Krusty Kreme = White
Rancid Asshole = Red
Blow Hole = Purple
Pull the Plug = Green
Hares: 8″ Crack and Pull The Plug
Pull the Plug = Green (HARE)
Blow Hole = Blue
Reverse Cowboy = Yellow
Krusty Kreme = Red
Click the red magnifying glass to full screen.
Click through the jump to read about how Hole in 1 found a human femur on trail!
Hare: Dangle Berry
What can you say? He ran the marathon and then live-hared this run. I think he ought to be publicly pissed on, he ought to be publicly shot.
Bang Bang.
I love this guy but I’ve seen his dick more than I’ve seen my own.
Hares: The Ree-Ro Crew. I don’t know all of their names. Look it up if you’re that curious, asshole.
This was somewhere south and the weather was really nice. I walked most of it with my On-Sec counterpart Dick ‘the clown from midtown’ Assley (I don’t know if he lives there) There was a golf course and sewage. DA kept trying to grab my peenie but I wasn’t having it. Seriously, if you’re ever on a trail with Dick ‘Ball Fro’ Assley wear a cup. Ol’ grab hands can’t get him enough testes. I hope that’s all changed. I wouldn’t know, I can’t look him in the eyes to this day.
Enough about Dick “Bleached Anus’ Assley, this run was fun and I couldn’t understand a word the hares said.
Also, interesting fact; the White House got it’s name because some Brits and Canadians burned down your presidential mansion in 1814.
We hash every Sunday in the greater Houston area (and some days in between). Call our hotline at 71-DIAL-HASH for daily run info, or join our Yahoo Group. What is hashing? Find out here.
