Well, the H4 spring campout was this past weekend and boy was it a hoot.  It all went down at an awesome place called MYBEACH1.com right on the San Jacinto river.  It had plenty of camp space, shiggy swampland, two beaches, a pavilion and lots of great people.

Here are some of the highlights that I remember (if you have more, let me know and I can edit this):

1.  Hanging out on Thursday with some of the “old guys” to set up and then chillin with Catcher drinking and looking at the “clouds” coming from one of the refineries.

2.  Prelaying Sunday’s trail on Friday and watching people come pouring in and heading right to the river.

3. Chorizo’s awesome food on Friday night and Saturday morning.

4.  Flip cup practice and the mosh pit on Friday night.

5.  Hanging out on the beach and the fire circle on Friday.

6.  Semper and Flatline helping me with the hash olympics.

7.  Team “Gay Canada” participating in the olympics.

8.  Someone somehow convincing UnLaidenSwallows to suck on a banana when she claims that black girls don’t do “that”.

9.  Napping on the beach to the sounds of a 3 hour zippy trail song circle (and sleeping for that long too.)

10.  Playing on the jet skis

11.  The official naming of Taylor as “Underboob” (you guys need to remember the song to Underdog better though.)

12.  AssGrabbers awesome dinner on Saturday night.

13.  SHOT BLOCK! (I got to take a shot of Flatline’s nipples. (A first for both of us!)).

14.  Whoever gave Tai Tai the opportunity to take a shot of their nipples.  I know he appreciated it.

15.  NAKED HASH!

16.  The hardest Jello shots I have ever eaten on a hash.

17.  The bonfire on Saturday with the official naming of Hole in One’s hole to “Jason’s Deli”.

18.  The renaming of Slut Laura to Jizzabel and the naming of someone else I think, I can’t remember.

19.  Finding body paint in my ears on Sunday.

20.  Snatcha sleeping on a picnic table on the beach and then moving to the picnic table by the grill to sleep on Sunday.

21.  Too Drunk’s pig monk birthday lazy himbo hash.

22.  The people that stayed for the regular Sunday trail.

23.  My Mismanagement Team.  You guys are awesome.

24.  The Hangover on Monday.

Those are the CLEAREST memories.  I know there are more but can’t remember them unless I’m that drunk again.  Thanks to everyone that came out and helped with everything.

Erections are in TWO weeks and then I’m outta here, bitches.

D.A.

So what was supposed to be the Leather and Lace hash really turned into the 2nd Anal Punishment hash for no other reason than the hares strange fetish for S&M and anal play.  The pack met up at Spotts park dressed in their Sunday’s best lingerie to a few strange looks from non-hashers coming to the park.  We were also lucky enough to have some spying eyes from the roof of the adjacent building.  One even flashed us as we waiting to start.   Finally the hares did chalk talk and we were on our way to the promised Alcohol check .   The trail itself ended up being just a bunch of straight lines along Washington and Allen Parkway with out any shade.  Finally, after almost melting, we made it to the Alcohol Check at Tony’s Corner Pocket,  one of the gayest bars I’ve ever seen in Houston.  There the hounds were provided with vodka any way they wanted or water.  The clients hanging out inside had no idea what to do with themselves when they saw the men in lingerie.  Lucky for them, there was a stripper pole in the bar and I was able to do a little do to show our appreciation to the bartenders.

After we left the bar, we ran down more unshaded streets until we came to a boob/jello shot check.  Thankfully we have awesome hariettes like Snatcha, Jordan and Laura that are both enthusiastic and busty to make boob checks worth the wait.  From there we ran through the Montrose area which caused many a googly eyes and dropped jaws.  I even got an entire bar to cheer as I ran past in my fishnest body suit.

Finally we ended up a Free Pussy’s backyard which was filled with Free Pussies.  There hares provided a refreshing keg of beer and plenty of melons.  Circle was called and the current mismanagement was given honorary dogtags for their awesome work this last year.  We made some nominations for next years mismanagement and started accusations.  Tale of Two Titties and C3PHoles were called in and recognized for the awesome Texas Beer Fest.  The hares at one point pulled out a whip but couldn’t quite get it to crack well enough so Just Jordan took a turn and silenced everyone with her skillz.  She was then pulled into circle and given the name “Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon”.  Finally the hares called in all of those dressed in lingerie for the best dressed judging.

Indiana Bones was there in her red teddy leading ButtChug by a leash and spanking unsuspecting hashers with a leather paddle.  Platterpuss and Just Laura were close to wearing matching outfits but Laura made it look so much better.  Spin Cycle had her maid outfit on, which is always nice and  Rain Bitch was there in an awesome leopard print outfit.   I myself was in “stiff” competition for best dressed against F*cking Tree Hugger in his lingerie.   And even though Whale’s Vagina said he couldn’t pull off a fishnet body suit with his body, he was very comfortable wearing a crop top and showing off his “abs”.  I was a little sad that ICP, after his enthusiastic approach to the red dress run, decided to attend the hash in regular running clothes.  The winners were decided with Rain Bitch winning a candy ball gag with free mask, Laura won a gas powered bullet and I won an egg shaped pocket pussy.

After all the competition, the keg had run dry but the hares pulled out a cooler full of awesome beer.  The on-after was back at Tony’s  but I didn’t go.

On-On to This cuming weekend’s  H4 Spring Campout.

50-60 hashers gathered on a downtown street side for chalk talk. I had gone for a little warm-up run (yes, I was made to drink for this) and saw that a cop car had pulled up asking questions.  Not sure what was said; the hash was subsequently left in peace to parade through downtown Houston.South, east, north, west, south again was sorta how the trail went.   Hares did a good job of keeping the pack together.   Trail was anywhere between 5.5 – 6 miles generally.  Great seeing veteran hashers still running strongly:   A. Wipe, Roller, and Saran Crap. 4 new boots: Rodrigo, Mari, her fiance and another guy.  Mari and her fiance expressed high interest in returning to the hash on a regular basis (they will be married this fall sometime; no date has been set).  And Shigmata and Death Cab for Bootie celebrated their one year of hashing.  The twins were there too – I think their birthdays are upcoming and they are hosting a run and/or happy hour.  One thing is certain: there is a keg of 1836 at the tennis center THIS Friday! Lastly, we had a visitor from the LA hash named I Did a Rod. He seemed to have had a really good time.

Accusations and the On On On: 1) Tender Vittles showed up within 5 min.of the pack taking off! And finished well before yesterday’s DFL. Yep. It was a good day for Tender. 2) Hooter Bill wore “new” clothes yesterday. A dingy yet non-torn hash shirt and shorts that fit him appropriately. 3) Nappy Headed Ho’s chest and arms showed us all how to NOT apply sunscreen! He had spots of lobster red and white all over from his day at the beach on Saturday. Truthfully, I thought he had a bad case of PI or psoraisis. lol! 4) Snatch modeled a gimmie from this year’s H4 campout beautifully. Krusty did the same, except he showed us all his hairy right cheek while running through the circle. Our visitor, I Did a Rod, couldn’t stop laughing. 5) Juices Flowing managed to still smile while selling her new and snazzy womens’ cut tees. She had fallen on Tues. while riding her bike through Terry H. Park. Apparently, a squirrel jumped in front of her and down she went in hopes of saving its life. 6) Boudin bits were brought to the “snack table” (which was in fact a curb).  A hasher claimed these tasteless boudin bits were made of the squirrel that caused Juices’ fall! 7) Road Kill ate the rest of the boudin links! Whale’s Vagina brought to the circle a bag of Christmas goods to hashers. I Did a Rod said, “I LOVE that name!”. 9) I Did a Rod was called in for running with his shoes in one hand and his “coffee” in another for the first mile! I Did a Rod claimed that Dip Sh*t generously gave him a beer and said that the LA hash always drinks a few before their trails. Why break tradition? 9) Did Sh*t was called in a few times…for being a true Dip Sh*t. He stood in circle, belt unbuckled and zipper down and drank. Meanwhile, I Did a Rod said, “I LOVE that guy! He’s my soul mate!!!”. I called him into the circle for expressing feelings for another male. 10) Platter called Geek into the circle for running into branches and trees. And for making THE former Mr. TXIH drive them back to Houston. At this point, Rancid A. says, “Sasquatch prevails!!!!!!!!”. 11) Catcher in the Brown Eye was the only reboot. Loser.   He had been training and racing in triathlons! (so has A. Wipe and Flatliner and they keep hashing with us!). Unacceptable excuse. 12) Catcher was called in for gingerly stepping through and around a water crossing (near the shot check) and only to find out the water was 1 foot in depth. 13) Duke of Puke was called in for providing the shot check — I didn’t have any but was told it was nasty, horrible and downright disgusting. 14) Unladden Swallows screams while running through the circle, “New shoes b*tches!!!!!!!!!!”. Shigmata was called out for wearing his new Vibrams; he had purchased them 4 hours prior to yesterday’s trail. 15) At the Mothership (F. Saucer), Nappy Headed Ho was talking with a TJ, a potential new boot. TJ looked up our site and said he loved the names of McPisser and Reverse Cowboy. Reverse was present and I made the introduction. TJ knows Platter through the Saucer and expressed high interest in coming out! Overall, trail and circle were both fun and good…even the part where we ran through Hooter’s stomping grounds — homeless, stinky and half-naked men roaming three city blocks. (“Poo-cunte” sidestepped what was probably someone’s breakfast). Light sprinkles fell during part of the trail; otherwise, it was bone dry yet humid. We floated the keg by 6:30ish and ended circle. On-on to a great week! Brrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

***Dick Assley Approved Hash Trash – 4/16/12***

(picture courtesy of C.C.)

What a fantastic day for a Red Dress Run with such a large group of hashers.  I think the final number was 99 total hashers including quite a few reboots and more than enough new boots.  One particularly awesome reboot was Hash Royalty, Miss TXIH Ez to Please, in from Boston.  We also had Semper Pie visit us from San Antonio!!!!  The pack met up at the Flying Saucer for some Texas Pints prelubing and by the time I got there, I could tell I had missed out.  The place was packed.  It was so full that half of the hashers had to hang out on the patio in their pretty red dresses while the hares “finalized their plans”(drank).  At one point a few police officers pulled up and tried to arrest some people for soliciting.  Luckily Pull The Plug went over and told the cops that we didn’t charge for our services.  They warned us that we needed to follow the lights and avoid jay-walking.  We did.  For one block.  Or until they all left.

The trail led us in and around downtown and I was lucky enough to be just far behind the front of the pack that every check was solved by the time I got there.  We ran down towards Discovery Green where a bunch of kids and their parents were witness to the sexy legs and lacy ladies.  I heard a bunch of laughs and saw WAY too many cameras as we ran around.  I did get some nice compliments on my purse though.

As we left downtown and headed out to the east, a bunch of hashers figured out that the ending would be the old grain silos used many times recently.  How ironic that a bunch of men in dresses feel comfortable hanging around some big silos.  I doubt they were filled with grain…

The hares provided a great keg of Karbach and a keg of Lone Star.  The visiting Brass Monkeys had a cooler full of Brass Monkeys and as soon as some hashers knew it, I saw cups being emptied as they begged for that delicious orange nectar.  There was a competition for the best dressed men and women.  I F*cked Your Dad came in second for the women for her awesome little hats and her cartwheels but it was Hole In One’s lap around the circle that won her the coveted beer tasting.  As for the men, ICP was so eager to win the prize that he actually got himself waxed AND a mani/pedi.  I think he was wearing a pair of Slap Dat Ass’s undies and I saw more man parts than I wanted.  That being said, congratulations to ICP for winning the other tasting.  I tried my hardest by running topless like Hole in One, but it just didn’t have the same effect.

After that, Just Miriam was called in for a potential naming and she came out with the name Weapons Of Mass-Terbation.  We also named Just Dillan(?) “Mommies Little Accident” after having his car hit more than once at the same location.

The two kegs were finished and the hashers piled into the back of The Golden Dildo (Twinkle’s Van) and we were taken back to the Saucer to continue our Red Dress Festivities.  There were beers had, a shot or two of Bushmills courtesy of Donnie the Retard and chess games played.  All in All a great day.

Thanks hares for such a shitty trail.  My dress is ruined because of you.

On-On,

Dick Assley

This trail had a lot of things; Shiggy, urban shiggy, great views of downtown and a virgin ending. The one thing it lacked was flour. You may remember flour as that powdered substance we use to mark trails. There was so little of it on trail that whenever I saw some I knew instantly how twins feel when they finally see their sibling after years of being apart. The connection is that intense.

Lack of trail aside it was nice to end at CSI’s swamp on the edge of 45. The hash was treated to the first week of a two week piss mist from ATV. She decided to christen CSI’s neighbors yard with her nectar.

Oh fuck, I nearly threw up writing that.

What a fun time and a great turnout for MC’s 30th year of hashing celebration!
If you weren’t there, you missed a fast trail, plenty of heat and food at the
On-In, and a hilarious circle!

Here are a few of my memories:

1) Slumbag, a co-hare, shared with me that she bought her plane ticket to
Kenya! She’ll be hashing there in May.
2) WHP, Digital Input, Poison and his wife, Lover Legs, were a few reboots.
Poison and Lover L. haven’t hashed in years. When asked why they don’t hash
anymore, Poison said, “Look at us. We’re old!”.
3) Horsefli called out Ramrod, 3 in the Stink and Urban Cocksucker for
representing the bank robber and child molesters!! You had to be there!!!
4) Saran Crap wore a Hamburger Helper hand as his beanie! Again, you had to be
there!
5) Dick Assley called out Horsefli for giving Spin Cycle the worst case of
herpes known to mankind! (Spin went spinning out of control during Lube Job’s
cycho hash on Saturday and fell face first).
6) Blow Hole called Lube Job into the circle for attempt to injure the Houston
Bimbos! (Blow Hole apparently fell face first too but while running the Ho as
Lube J. passed her on the bike).
7) Horsefli THEN called Blow Hole into the circle for wanting to have sex with
grannies!!! LOL! All Blow H. wanted to do was take care of hash cash and get
home to watch the Grammys!!!
Hooter Bill wore his sweater once more….as ICP said, “From Baby Gap” and
was called into the circle for his homeless appearance. One accusation was
while Hooter was laying trail with MC and Slumbag that a passer-by asked, “Who’s
that homeless guy with two hot chicks?” Then Small Johnson, who was credited
for not giving a typical lame accusation and in under 30 seconds, informed the
hash that Hooter Bill, in the same Baby Gap sweater and hole-filled pants, was
given free service at a Starbucks the day before!!! (Hooter seemed really proud of
this moment!).
9) The On-After had 1836. Wow. Very tasty.
10) Small Johnson, with sincere sentiment, thanked me and other hashers for
being a part of his 20 years of hashing. I think he owes us a keg!! (I reminded
Small J. of how he makes a beautiful bride. Yes, he still has that elegant
white dress that probably makes most women a bit envious).

I enjoyed seeing the old pics from way back when….of when Hooter had brown
hair and of a pic printed in the Houston Post (1980s) of MC laying trail. The
pic caught her tossing flour and smiling.

The Houston hash is very fun and thanks to all who made yesterday a special day
for Master Chugger!!

I also loved seeing all the wonderful photos from the hash’s past of a young Hooter and Lovely Master Chugger.

On-on,

Dick Assley (Hash Trash Officially stolen from BrRRRRrrrggghh((again.))

(Thanks for writing the hash trash Brrrrrrggghhh)

GREAT being back to the Houston hash! As McP mentioned, we did get stopped by a warden who mentioned it’s a Class B Misdemeanor for our trespassing. Thankfully, and according to McP, she gave him only a warning after he showed his peter to her. She stood stunned and speechless.

Two kegs….we think they were full kegs…simply vanished just before accusations. Nonetheless, thanks to Second Hand Job for handling the beer wagon.

IFYD, French Drip and Tool Box laid a most fun shiggy trail! 5 miles in length. Two virgins. And many reboots. Here is my quick recap:

1) The walkers were out on trail for a solid THREE hours. Lost, like the crew from Gilligans Island. Hooter, in a most adamant and concerned tone, stated that someone needed to look for the walkers. Il Castrato and I laughed at Hooter’s concern as Il C. stated, “Hooter — the walkers’ rights activist.”
2) Someone set up a hanging shower in the woods. All hasher dogs joined in howling unison as they extolled Closet Freak in her pure and nekkid beauty.
3) Refer to Point #2 – Closet Freak in the nude. Pimp Dawg was called into the circle for cleansing in the above said shower and expecting that Closet F. was next to him. He saw a nude back and longer, curly hair. Imagine his surprise when his shower partner turned to face him and it was Tree Hugger!! (Insert “Sodomy” song here).
4) Butt Pirate sported his new ironman tatoo on his right calf. Quite unique. He is scheduled to do IM Texas again!
5) I congratulated Dangleberry on his marathon debut! 2:58:01. Outstanding! !!!
6) The game warden imposed her authority of our trespassing by stopping the 2nd hasher, Tender Vittles. At this point, Saran is well ahead and speeding down the embankment. Tender then yells, “Saran!! Saran!! Come back!!” Game warden says, “What’s he doing down there? He could get hurt!!!”.
7) Saran called out Just John for coming up short of tip money at the Yardhouse bar a week or so ago. Saran gave Just John the money he lacked/needed. Saran proposed the naming, “Short Tip”. Great idea! However, “Tipper Whore” was claimed as his hash name. (Which BTW, he despises…) .
At the On On On, I’m waiting for a beer at the bar while Parson’s Nose is making new friends within a few feet. One of the regulars asked me (pointing to PN), “Is he your husband?” I laughed heartily and asked PN for his answer. He replied, “Not tonight”.
9) An official paddle was given to various hashers to spank the girl whose bday is tomorrow. Closet Freak gave a whopping blow to IFYD that I think sent her to the heavens. It was harsh.
10) Many of you missed this, but about 5 hashers were pushing French D.’s vehicle from the front as it was sorta stuck in the mud. All who were pushing gave a heave-ho. One who gave an honest and all-out effort was Urban Cocksucker. He pushed and fell face forward in the mud! Everyone else kept their balance, except him. It was a complete riot to see.

Trail was great, circle was fun and there are many more stories to share….but this harriette has to hit the hay!!

On-on to more hashing and Pooperbowl next week!!!

Brrrrrggggggggggghh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhh

(Verified Official Hash Trash by Dick Assley, 1/30/12)

H4 #1774

Heartache = Yellow

Krusty Kreme = White

Rancid Asshole = Red

Blow Hole = Purple

Pull the Plug = Green

H4 #1773 PTP & 8 Bday run

Pull the Plug = Green (HARE)
Blow Hole = Blue
Reverse Cowboy = Yellow
Krusty Kreme = Red

Click the red magnifying glass to full screen.

Click through the jump to read about how Hole in 1 found a human femur on trail!

So there we were, in shiggy up to here (for real this time, as 8″ Crack traditionally loves to lay a deep shiggy run on her birthday).(FORESHADOWING!)

At the start of the run, the parking lot of Burlington Coat Factory near I-90 and I-10, Crack mentions to me that as they were laying trail that morning they found construction workers clear-cutting trees towards the end of the run. “It wasn’t like that when we scouted,” she said. How funny, I reply, since that’s the exact same thing that happened to her birthday trail last year. (FORSHADOWING!)

The pack of about 60 takes off, through a dense bit of shiggy just northwest of the Burlington parking lot, on what should be a five mile trail. I set my sights on McPisser’s neon yellow tech shirt and zen behind him straight up a power easement and directly to the beer check. Awesome. After the beer check I follow true trail into what I later find out is Herman Brown Park (not to be confused with Hermann Park).

The second half of trail runs through a massively overgrown part of the park for about 2 miles before popping out on Maxey Road (this is where we see the Hermann Brown Park signs and the heavy machinery used for the clear cutting.) This portion of trail is pretty cool — marked with orange biodegradable flagging, with some small thorny vines, trees felled by the drought, and lots and lots of palmettos.

A few FRBs and short cutters pop out of the woods and follow trail north along Maxey, under I-90 and into a junk lot on the banks of Green’s Bayou where there are trash-filled shipping containers, hundreds of tires and the beat-up hammer board of an old piano. I conduct circle, we run out of beer (Bombshell Blonde) too early, and most of the pack goes home. Krusty and I get into the second-to-the-last carback, leaving only Twinkle Toes, Reverse Cowboy and their dogs behind, with promises that the hares are on their way back to pick them up. As we pull away, we spy a group of locals on four-wheelers making their way to the lot. (FORSHADOWING!)

But this hash trash really isn’t about trail. It’s about what Hole In 1 found on trail.

As the hash was just getting settled into the on home, changing clothes and checking for ticks (Heartache found one on his face!) Hole In 1 holds up a bone found in the deep undergrowth of the last part of trail. “Check it out!” she says.

“Oh wow,” I reply. “That is a human femur.”

Hole In 1 holds the bone up to her leg. “Looks like it!” she says. But other hashers are dismissive. “It’s too big.” “There’s no way.” “It looks like a cow bone.” For some reason, none of us thinks to call the cops. Well, I do, but a few things are flashing through my mind: tampering with a corpse, trespassing, public consumption. And also the seed of doubt that maybe it’s not a human femur, even though it really, REALLY looks like one.

For the record, here is what a cow femur looks like (right). And here is what a human femur looks like (left).

And here is the femur found on trail, with Snatcha’s size 10 foot in it for scale.

Anyway, we hold circle and run out of beer early. Most everybody gets a carback before the sun goes down. Hole In 1 leaves the yucky bone sitting in the middle of the dump.

Meanwhile, back at Casa KrustySnatch, I am troubled. I am convinced the bone was human remains, and I cannot sleep. At 11 p.m. I text Hole In 1. At 2 a.m. I still can’t sleep, so I wake up Krusty. That could be someone’s loved one, I thinks, remembering the incident just a few years back when Hooter Bill came across the body of a man’s brother in Memorial Park.

The next morning at work, I resolve to call the cops. The discussion with the dispatcher is awkward, to say the least. I try to explain the situation, how the bone was found and where it ended up. This is complicated by the fact that our ending spot had no street name. I give the dispatcher GPS coordinates. The dispatcher is clueless as to how GPS coordinates work. I give the dispatcher my nerd name and cell phone number, and Hole In 1′s name. The dispatcher apparently writes down my phone number incorrectly, because a few hours later Hole In 1 gets a call from a Detective French. So she calls me. So I call Det. French.

Det. French wants to meet the two of us out at the on home. He says they’ve found the femur, and the cadaver dogs are on their way. “Man, what were you guys doing out here last night,” the detective asks. “It’s a long story,” I tell him. “I’ll explain when I get there.”

Neither one of us girls wants to go alone, so we decided to meet each other there. We arrive to find Det. French and his partner, about three other officers and two awesome-looking cadaver dogs at the dump. One is a bloodhound, which I thought was just a stereotype. Det. French tells us the ME has already been there and taken the bone away. “He took one look at it and said ‘Yep. Male. About 50 years old.’” (FORSHADOWING!)

We explain how the hash works to the cops, and Hole In 1 tries to explain where she found the bone. To be fair, it was actually Steps in Shit who found the bone, but Hole In 1 was the one who grabbed it. They are amused but dubious regarding the hash. I explain that due to the nature of where we like to run, the hash is no stranger to finding dead bodies in the wilds of Houston. We decide to carpool, Hole in 1 and I in the detectives’ car, the mile or so to the part of trail that popped out of the forest and do trail backwards. Until one of the officers starts shaking his head.

“I wouldn’t leave your cars here,” he says, looking around at hundreds of tires and other junk. “Not unless you want to come back to find them stripped.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” I say. Then I remember the two yokels on four-wheelers we spied as the final carbacks were leaving, and I am glad Twinkle and Reverse made it back to their cars safely. So instead we all caravan to the edge of Herman Brown Park. When we get out of the car one of the officers says, “I know this place. We found another body in here a few months ago.” (FORSHADOWING!)

Oh, AWESOME, I think to myself. The hash isn’t exactly known for hanging around the nicest parts of town, but here we are romping through a known disposal site.

Hole In 1 and I find the flour arrow and start leading the cops into trail, backwards. We show them the orange flagging and give them some background on the hash. They are downright floored that we do this every Sunday. Meanwhile, Det. French is on his cell phone to HQ, trying to get info on the body that was found in the park previously. We walk about a mile in, get as close to where Hole In 1 thinks she might have picked up the bone. It’s starting to get dark, so we decided to head back out. On the way, about 300 feet off of true trail, one of the officers spots yellow flagging to our right. Sure enough, it’s the old crime scene tape, from the previous body discovered. There are about 30 evidence flags and tape enclosing a wide swath of trees.

As a runner on true trail it would be fairly easy to miss, since the growth in that part of the park is so dense. But as hares scouting trail, I’m surprised 8″ Crack and Pull The Plug didn’t see it on any of their previous trips. I take a picture and send it to Krusty Kreme, who replies, “Oh yeah, I ran by that!” Apparently even he didn’t stop to read the words on the tape: CRIME SCENE. Oddly enough, the tape leads several hundred feet back out to the street, about a quarter mile south of Maxey from where our cars are parked. It’s now obvious that this “trail of tape” was stretched through the forest to help investigators find their way through the thick vegetation to crime scene. I even passed it on my way to meet the cadaver dogs, but seeing the clear-cutting going on near that part of the park, assumes it was construction flagging.

Back at the cars, Det. French confirms his hunch. The previous body discovered there in September was a male, roughly 50 years old. “Most likely a homeless man,” French says. “This was probably just an animal carry off.” He looks at the notes he’s taken from his various phone calls. He’s got an ME number and a case number, a date of birth. The guy was identified by some of the objects found with him. He rattles off a name that I don’t quite catch. But I feel good, knowing it is an already-dead person, not a new dead person. And I’m glad I called the cops.

The next morning, I google “body found Herman Brown Park”. Sure enough, here is the story, from September. It is weird to see the man’s face, which just a few days before I was looking at his decomposing leg. A few hours later, while I’m at work, it occurs to me to Google his full name, just to see what I can find. Maybe an obituary, I think. Instead, I come up with this link.

The really weird thing is that just a few days before the hash I had read this story. How could I not click on the headline that called him a cat-loving loner? And who knew that two weeks later the has would be running through the same park, blissfully ignorant.

So it was murder. Gunshot wound to the head. Only 80 percent of his body had been recovered. Well, now, 81%.

What can you say? He ran the marathon and then live-hared this run. I think he ought to be publicly pissed on, he ought to be publicly shot.

Bang Bang.

I love this guy but I’ve seen his dick more than I’ve seen my own.

This was somewhere south and the weather was really nice. I walked most of it with my On-Sec counterpart Dick ‘the clown from midtown’ Assley (I don’t know if he lives there) There was a golf course and sewage. DA kept trying to grab my peenie but I wasn’t having it. Seriously, if you’re ever on a trail with Dick ‘Ball Fro’ Assley wear a cup. Ol’ grab hands can’t get him enough testes. I hope that’s all changed. I wouldn’t know, I can’t look him in the eyes to this day.

Enough about Dick “Bleached Anus’ Assley, this run was fun and I couldn’t understand a word the hares said.

Also, interesting fact; the White House got it’s name because some Brits and Canadians burned down your presidential mansion in 1814.