Houston Hash House Harriers

Hares: Horse-Fli Drive-by, Spin Cycle

The thing about Horse and Spin if you’re not careful you may end up with them fucking on top of you if you’re not careful.

At last year’s InterHash I was nearly fucked on by these two ‘perfect race’ hashers and honestly I’m pretty sure I would have been ok with it in the long run. That night I wasn’t into it. It seemed like the safety committee met a lot that night, we had so many safety meetings I could have prevented the BP oil spill. I was alone, in my hammock dreaming of playing shuffleboard with Salma Hayek on the deck of my big yacht and by playing shuffleboard I mean hiding my dingus in her who-ha. Where was I? Oh yeah, the fuck twins. So there I was in hammocks up to here when I hear some shuffling of a drunken couple ‘It’s just over here. Ok, be quiet.’ The cocoon of my hammock flung open to looks of surprise from HFDB & Spin. I could hear HFDB’s nut slink into his stomach as he walked away dejected. The next day I swear I saw HFDB carrying a bed post around with the amount of places these two fucked. Put it this way, if you weren’t almost fucked on then you were doing it wrong.

Anyhoo, this trail probably had sex remnants on it from scouting, live haring and post run coitus. I’m saying they fuck a lot.

Hares: Dangle Berry, Cream on My Back, 8″ Crack

I remember one night Madlib was in town promoting absolutely nothing with J Rocc in tow. CREAM, 3 in the Stink  and me were there, trainspotting from the front of the stage. J Rocc played an insane set filled to the tits with J Dilla tracks. Rare and unreleased stuff, the kind of music that makes heads melt, if you’re into that sort of thing. We were. Anyway, long story short Madlib took the stage and was handed an ‘Art teacher’ cigarette from his manager. A couple puffs and it was passed onto J Rocc and then back to the manager. At this point I hear an ear bursting ‘Hey, mother fucker, over here. Give me that shit.’ An elated and extremely perturbed 3 in the Stink was chastising the manager for not passing us the laugh dart. Us, who paid cold hard cash to be at the show. ‘They owe us!’ The manager was eager to please the fans and please he did.

It was a great night. It wasn’t this night but CREAM was there and I love that guy.

SPF 50 gets defloured

Quote of the week-
Hooterbill (upon the collapse of his competitor’s tower): “Ooooh! JENGA!!!”

Euro Triplets Run

6-Mar-11

(3) Hares – Parson’s Nose, Hindlegs & Infested

The hares chose to start the hash on the west side of town for a 3:00 pm hash. Terry Hershey Park is a familiar and friendly location for a “Point A”. The hares promised us good shiggy and great beer at the end of the run. The pack gathered up with civilians milling about, trying to analyze our group. The hares gave chalk talk and announced the identity of the mystery hare as being “Infested”.

The Euro Trash hares for the day were Parson’s Nose (Brit), Hindlegs (Frenchman) and Infested (Scot). Three worldly hares, what could go wrong?

Chalk talk provided the pack with several options. The hares announced a Turkey trail and an Eagle trail. The Turkey trail was said to be friendly enough for the walkers. The eagle trail would provide both a WET and DRY course.  A beer check was also to be offered on the eagle trail. Most marks would be in flour, but toilet paper would be used when needed.

The hares sent the pack off with a smile in their eyes. Trail began down the Terry Hershey trail, but the hounds ran into a back check almost immediately.  Very Clever.  Trail was then found to go through a small subdivision, and then follow a Bayou along the cemetery. Trail seemed to be marked well. We crossed I-10 by going below an overpass. Soon we were at the Addicks Dam Reservoir and climbed that small hill to follow trail. But now we seemed to lose trail.  Where was the Turkey-Eagle split? Most did not find it and ended up doing the Eagle trail.

Once down the hill, we heard a haunting noise that sends a shiver down the back of most hashers.  Gunshots.  With a few comments amongst the pack, we decided that we must be near the shooting range. But we were not comfortable, so we got out of that area as fast as we could!

Trail continued with a nice mixture of terrain. Dirt paths, vines, small shrubbery led us to the most challenging of all, an area of water that we had to cross, ice cold and chest deep.  There was a Dry path around, but was it worth the distance?

After the cold water crossing, we were close to the end.  On-In was at an opening big enough for the hash, but surrounded by trees. This was a perfect ending spot, about one half of a mile north of the start. We could walk back to the start.  The hares provided us a keg of Lonestar, but had a malfunction with the tap. Because of this, we started with cans of beer while waiting on the backup tap to arrive.

The hares paid for their crimes in circle. Of all of the wonderful Eurpoean beers that they could have offered us, they chose Lonestar.  Although most of us love the Lonestar, we thought that our illustrious hares would have had some European beer! The hares thought that this was really funny.

The hares announced the On-on-on to be at Watson’s, an English pub not far from the start.

On-On

Old Faithful

H4 1722 Pisces

Please click on the red magnifying glass on the map for a full screen scrollable view.

Legend:

McP = red

Heartache = black

Dumpster = Purple

Roller = dark blue

Krusty = neon green

Snatch = light pink

CSI = Green

Rancid Ahole = Shit Green

Horsefli = White

PP = Light Blue

Hooter = Orange

Vote For Pedro = Yellow

Catcher = Gray

Vaguerant = Maroon

Infested = Neon Pink

Pisces Run

19-FEBRUARY-2011

5 hares

63 hounds, including 2 virgins

Two kegs of beer! That will bring the hashers out.  The Pisces run was sure to be a success with two kegs of beer and five very distinguished hares.  Many reboots came out to celebrate the birthdays with the hares.

The pack gathered up in a parking lot on the southwest side of town, near Stafford actually. There was plenty of parking and lots of happy hashers, ready for a four mile trail, birthday cake and lots of yummy beer.

Tiny Bubbles gave chalk talk On-on for more…

PooperBowl – 6-FEB-11

Hares: Rain Bitch

Hounds: 99, including 2 new boots

“I am SOOO happy you made it today” were the first words that our hare, Rain Bitch, said to me as I arrived at the hash. I am always happy to see her, but this time she seemed a little over-enthusiastic to see me. I don’t check my yahoo groups often enough, and heard that there was much going around the week prior to the Pooper Bowl as to the intended recipient. Rain was happy to see a lot of hashers there, including Dick the Boy Wonder, Horsefli Drive Bi and Ass Grabber.

Rain Bitch started the hash at a very convenient location in the Heights, at a park not far off of I-45. The parking lot soon filled up with hashers anxious to hash a fine trail and find out who would be the recipient of the celebrated Pooper Bowl this year. Rain Bitch had a glory year On-on for more…