Well, the H4 spring campout was this past weekend and boy was it a hoot.  It all went down at an awesome place called MYBEACH1.com right on the San Jacinto river.  It had plenty of camp space, shiggy swampland, two beaches, a pavilion and lots of great people.

Here are some of the highlights that I remember (if you have more, let me know and I can edit this):

1.  Hanging out on Thursday with some of the “old guys” to set up and then chillin with Catcher drinking and looking at the “clouds” coming from one of the refineries.

2.  Prelaying Sunday’s trail on Friday and watching people come pouring in and heading right to the river.

3. Chorizo’s awesome food on Friday night and Saturday morning.

4.  Flip cup practice and the mosh pit on Friday night.

5.  Hanging out on the beach and the fire circle on Friday.

6.  Semper and Flatline helping me with the hash olympics.

7.  Team “Gay Canada” participating in the olympics.

8.  Someone somehow convincing UnLaidenSwallows to suck on a banana when she claims that black girls don’t do “that”.

9.  Napping on the beach to the sounds of a 3 hour zippy trail song circle (and sleeping for that long too.)

10.  Playing on the jet skis

11.  The official naming of Taylor as “Underboob” (you guys need to remember the song to Underdog better though.)

12.  AssGrabbers awesome dinner on Saturday night.

13.  SHOT BLOCK! (I got to take a shot of Flatline’s nipples. (A first for both of us!)).

14.  Whoever gave Tai Tai the opportunity to take a shot of their nipples.  I know he appreciated it.

15.  NAKED HASH!

16.  The hardest Jello shots I have ever eaten on a hash.

17.  The bonfire on Saturday with the official naming of Hole in One’s hole to “Jason’s Deli”.

18.  The renaming of Slut Laura to Jizzabel and the naming of someone else I think, I can’t remember.

19.  Finding body paint in my ears on Sunday.

20.  Snatcha sleeping on a picnic table on the beach and then moving to the picnic table by the grill to sleep on Sunday.

21.  Too Drunk’s pig monk birthday lazy himbo hash.

22.  The people that stayed for the regular Sunday trail.

23.  My Mismanagement Team.  You guys are awesome.

24.  The Hangover on Monday.

Those are the CLEAREST memories.  I know there are more but can’t remember them unless I’m that drunk again.  Thanks to everyone that came out and helped with everything.

Erections are in TWO weeks and then I’m outta here, bitches.

D.A.

So what was supposed to be the Leather and Lace hash really turned into the 2nd Anal Punishment hash for no other reason than the hares strange fetish for S&M and anal play.  The pack met up at Spotts park dressed in their Sunday’s best lingerie to a few strange looks from non-hashers coming to the park.  We were also lucky enough to have some spying eyes from the roof of the adjacent building.  One even flashed us as we waiting to start.   Finally the hares did chalk talk and we were on our way to the promised Alcohol check .   The trail itself ended up being just a bunch of straight lines along Washington and Allen Parkway with out any shade.  Finally, after almost melting, we made it to the Alcohol Check at Tony’s Corner Pocket,  one of the gayest bars I’ve ever seen in Houston.  There the hounds were provided with vodka any way they wanted or water.  The clients hanging out inside had no idea what to do with themselves when they saw the men in lingerie.  Lucky for them, there was a stripper pole in the bar and I was able to do a little do to show our appreciation to the bartenders.

After we left the bar, we ran down more unshaded streets until we came to a boob/jello shot check.  Thankfully we have awesome hariettes like Snatcha, Jordan and Laura that are both enthusiastic and busty to make boob checks worth the wait.  From there we ran through the Montrose area which caused many a googly eyes and dropped jaws.  I even got an entire bar to cheer as I ran past in my fishnest body suit.

Finally we ended up a Free Pussy’s backyard which was filled with Free Pussies.  There hares provided a refreshing keg of beer and plenty of melons.  Circle was called and the current mismanagement was given honorary dogtags for their awesome work this last year.  We made some nominations for next years mismanagement and started accusations.  Tale of Two Titties and C3PHoles were called in and recognized for the awesome Texas Beer Fest.  The hares at one point pulled out a whip but couldn’t quite get it to crack well enough so Just Jordan took a turn and silenced everyone with her skillz.  She was then pulled into circle and given the name “Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon”.  Finally the hares called in all of those dressed in lingerie for the best dressed judging.

Indiana Bones was there in her red teddy leading ButtChug by a leash and spanking unsuspecting hashers with a leather paddle.  Platterpuss and Just Laura were close to wearing matching outfits but Laura made it look so much better.  Spin Cycle had her maid outfit on, which is always nice and  Rain Bitch was there in an awesome leopard print outfit.   I myself was in “stiff” competition for best dressed against F*cking Tree Hugger in his lingerie.   And even though Whale’s Vagina said he couldn’t pull off a fishnet body suit with his body, he was very comfortable wearing a crop top and showing off his “abs”.  I was a little sad that ICP, after his enthusiastic approach to the red dress run, decided to attend the hash in regular running clothes.  The winners were decided with Rain Bitch winning a candy ball gag with free mask, Laura won a gas powered bullet and I won an egg shaped pocket pussy.

After all the competition, the keg had run dry but the hares pulled out a cooler full of awesome beer.  The on-after was back at Tony’s  but I didn’t go.

On-On to This cuming weekend’s  H4 Spring Campout.

H4 #1782 – Vague Rant and Reverse Cowboy

Dumpster Digger = Yellow 4.53 mi

Pull the Plug = Red 4.23 mi

Reverse Cowboy (Hare) = Green 5.75 mi (did some circles)

50-60 hashers gathered on a downtown street side for chalk talk. I had gone for a little warm-up run (yes, I was made to drink for this) and saw that a cop car had pulled up asking questions.  Not sure what was said; the hash was subsequently left in peace to parade through downtown Houston.South, east, north, west, south again was sorta how the trail went.   Hares did a good job of keeping the pack together.   Trail was anywhere between 5.5 – 6 miles generally.  Great seeing veteran hashers still running strongly:   A. Wipe, Roller, and Saran Crap. 4 new boots: Rodrigo, Mari, her fiance and another guy.  Mari and her fiance expressed high interest in returning to the hash on a regular basis (they will be married this fall sometime; no date has been set).  And Shigmata and Death Cab for Bootie celebrated their one year of hashing.  The twins were there too – I think their birthdays are upcoming and they are hosting a run and/or happy hour.  One thing is certain: there is a keg of 1836 at the tennis center THIS Friday! Lastly, we had a visitor from the LA hash named I Did a Rod. He seemed to have had a really good time.

Accusations and the On On On: 1) Tender Vittles showed up within 5 min.of the pack taking off! And finished well before yesterday’s DFL. Yep. It was a good day for Tender. 2) Hooter Bill wore “new” clothes yesterday. A dingy yet non-torn hash shirt and shorts that fit him appropriately. 3) Nappy Headed Ho’s chest and arms showed us all how to NOT apply sunscreen! He had spots of lobster red and white all over from his day at the beach on Saturday. Truthfully, I thought he had a bad case of PI or psoraisis. lol! 4) Snatch modeled a gimmie from this year’s H4 campout beautifully. Krusty did the same, except he showed us all his hairy right cheek while running through the circle. Our visitor, I Did a Rod, couldn’t stop laughing. 5) Juices Flowing managed to still smile while selling her new and snazzy womens’ cut tees. She had fallen on Tues. while riding her bike through Terry H. Park. Apparently, a squirrel jumped in front of her and down she went in hopes of saving its life. 6) Boudin bits were brought to the “snack table” (which was in fact a curb).  A hasher claimed these tasteless boudin bits were made of the squirrel that caused Juices’ fall! 7) Road Kill ate the rest of the boudin links! Whale’s Vagina brought to the circle a bag of Christmas goods to hashers. I Did a Rod said, “I LOVE that name!”. 9) I Did a Rod was called in for running with his shoes in one hand and his “coffee” in another for the first mile! I Did a Rod claimed that Dip Sh*t generously gave him a beer and said that the LA hash always drinks a few before their trails. Why break tradition? 9) Did Sh*t was called in a few times…for being a true Dip Sh*t. He stood in circle, belt unbuckled and zipper down and drank. Meanwhile, I Did a Rod said, “I LOVE that guy! He’s my soul mate!!!”. I called him into the circle for expressing feelings for another male. 10) Platter called Geek into the circle for running into branches and trees. And for making THE former Mr. TXIH drive them back to Houston. At this point, Rancid A. says, “Sasquatch prevails!!!!!!!!”. 11) Catcher in the Brown Eye was the only reboot. Loser.   He had been training and racing in triathlons! (so has A. Wipe and Flatliner and they keep hashing with us!). Unacceptable excuse. 12) Catcher was called in for gingerly stepping through and around a water crossing (near the shot check) and only to find out the water was 1 foot in depth. 13) Duke of Puke was called in for providing the shot check — I didn’t have any but was told it was nasty, horrible and downright disgusting. 14) Unladden Swallows screams while running through the circle, “New shoes b*tches!!!!!!!!!!”. Shigmata was called out for wearing his new Vibrams; he had purchased them 4 hours prior to yesterday’s trail. 15) At the Mothership (F. Saucer), Nappy Headed Ho was talking with a TJ, a potential new boot. TJ looked up our site and said he loved the names of McPisser and Reverse Cowboy. Reverse was present and I made the introduction. TJ knows Platter through the Saucer and expressed high interest in coming out! Overall, trail and circle were both fun and good…even the part where we ran through Hooter’s stomping grounds — homeless, stinky and half-naked men roaming three city blocks. (“Poo-cunte” sidestepped what was probably someone’s breakfast). Light sprinkles fell during part of the trail; otherwise, it was bone dry yet humid. We floated the keg by 6:30ish and ended circle. On-on to a great week! Brrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

***Dick Assley Approved Hash Trash – 4/16/12***

chat today. This was seen at TXIH final pubcrawl bar…

Mononucleosis,
mcp

H4 #1781 – PP’s Bday Hash

PP (Hare) = Orange ~6mi
Reverse Cowboy = Light Green 5.12mi
Pull the Plug = Blue 5.14mi
Krusty Kreme = Yellow 5.21mi
Rancid Asshole = Red 5.23mi

H4 #1780 – Shiggy BOOM – Nappy & Ill

Pull the Plug = Blue 2.60mi

Parson’s Nose = Green 2.71mi

Hare U Hash

Pull the Plug = Blue 4.34mi

Heartache = Green 3.72mi

Dumpster Digger = Orange 4.82mi

Krusty Kreme = Purple / Light Blue 5.15mi

The Campout will take place May 4-6 at 18935 Van Road, Houston, TX, 77049.

Want to know more? Read on.