McP = Purple

Rancid = Red

Le PC = Black

PP = Yellow

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PC AUG Heartache

Pussy Checker = Yellow (Hare)

McP = Black

Rancid= Red (Way off)

Click the red magnifying glass to Enlarge

FM Aug

Red=Stuck on the Bone

Yellow = McP

Click on the red magnifying glass to enlarge:

H4 1693 Monday Night

Hash Trash #1693 – Deep in the Shape of Texas

Hares: Master Chugger, Dumpster Digger, and Roller Balls
Hounds: 87
Virgins: 7
Visitors: 1

Quote of the Run, “Guess someone’s wedding didn’t go according to plan!” –Master Chugger about the appearance of On-In wedding cake.

Given that many out of town hash events were going on the weekend of August 14 – 15, the Houston Hash was treated to an old school hash – running on a Monday night! And given the heat lately, it was a welcome return to running on a Monday evening. Our seasoned hares gave us a great fairly easy run running a twisting, winding, curving trail that took us through Rice Military skirting the eastern edge of Memorial Park and back across Washington Avenue.

The pack met at what was once Otto’s BBQ on Memorial Drive, just east of Memorial Park. The pack met at 7 p.m., the hares gave us the usual chalk talk, and the pack was off at 7:30 pm! Many of us tried to second guess where the trail would take us. Would this take us into the Ho Chi Minh Trails? Nope! Would we run on the pedestrian bridge crossing I-10? Wrong again!

After running near Happy Meal Park, we crossed back over Westcott and ran through the neighborhoods surrounding the Washington Corridor. Several front runners, like Low Profile, paralleled true trail for a while, then figured out where trail was ultimately going and ended up back in the front. For once, McPisser actually ran true trail, while some others shortcutted some of the doo loops.

Buttery Nipples, our prodigal harriette, returned from working in New Orleans for a while and brought her new friend with her, whom we named Ass Sole Man, given that he ran barefoot. ASM even did a barefoot shake with Twinkle Toes, his shoeless compadre in the circle.
As it turned out, true trail was roughly the shape of the state of Texas. Very creative, hares! Trail ended up just off Memorial Drive near the Depelchin Center on a Spaceway. We had a few new boots, a few reboots, and a great circle. Somebody even brought leftover wedding and groom’s cakes that was enjoyed by the masses.

On-On to more cake!
Rain Bitch & the MM

Hash Trash  #1692

Stumble through Humble Hash

3 hares

10 virgins

126 regular hashers

It has been a while since we had a “Stumble through Humble”, so the hash was excited to take the journey up North East for a fine shaggy hash. In fact the last time that we had a Stumble up there was when we had our “I am Cum Stain” in town. Sure wish that he could make it to the hash. But wait! He is here! It’s a hash miracle. Cum Stain is in town for the Rumble through Humble hash!

The hash met in the Lowe’s parking lot on 1960, very close to Beltway 8.  We were gathering up for the start of the hash when, boom! the clouds opened up and soaked us! I borrowed a hat from MOM, Cum-puss borrowed my shoes, and I wondered how much other stuff was borrowed to make hashers comfortable to run in the rain.

About the time for the start of  The Stumble, the rain came to a drizzle.  Heartache, NARC and Twinkle Toes were our wonderful hares. Heartache announced the trail marked in flour and orange (biodegradable) tape.  One dangle for “on”, two dangles for “check”. And even better, no falses!  A trail of about five miles was announced. And yes, a yummy beer check would be on trail, advertised to be around the half way point.

Trail had all kinds of wonderful terrain; dirt trails, streams, uneven land, tree roots, utility lines, vines, swampy land, and a much unexpected sandy area. There were a few chances for a little shortcutting, but not a lot. The turkey-eagle split came just in time to allow for the back of the pack to catch up with the front runners. Another fine opportunity for the pack to come together was at the beer check.

One of my favorite checks of the trail was with two pieces of orange tape dangling above an abandoned upside-down car. At this point, I think that the hares also offered a shortcut across a lake, but luckily we found the trail thanks to Pull the Plug. The muddy/swampy area was tough to wade through but knowing that there was good beer at the end made it all worthwhile.  Toward the end of the trail there was a clearing that stumped MOM for a long time, but luckily with a few more hashers looking, we found trail. Those sneaky hares had trail continuing on the same path and not going out to the clearing. They fooled us!

Trail ended under a bridge. And here we go again. It seems like we have quite a roll going with NARC having to defend us innocent hashers from the police. NARC said those magic words and made it all fine again.  We must be getting awfully comfortable with the law, because while NARC was busy defending us, we had a fairly new hasher walking around with a jug of vodka, pretty ballsy.

As we are gathering up before circle, I also hear rumors that someone was upset for us crossing private property. Sorry, I did not get details on that entire story. I have a feeling that we might upset someone again soon

The hares did us right by providing two kegs of beer, St. Arnold Brown and Lone star. After a couple of carbacks, circle starts.  A toast to G. The hares are brought in circle to defend their trail. Ten virgins were made to pay for their crimes. Birthdays, anniversaries, visitors, reboots and we are ready for accusations.

Ewe do Her was called in for an honorary down-down for hosting a hash keg. Digital honored her with a hash necklace. Estrus was called in to tell a story for the hashit and awarded it to Ball Barker, who seemed way too eager to carry the thing. The new hashit is very empty and we can’t wait to see what Ball barker will adorn it with next week.

During circle, we were trying some new songs, a perfect opportunity for McPisser to sell some songbooks. I think by next week, we are ALL going to know the words to ALL the songs. Beer kegs ran out, but a beer run brought back some more cans to keep the fun going a little longer.

The on-on-on was announced as Hoot County, a hash favorite. In usual manner, the waitresses seemed very hash friendly. Hooter was honored by a motorboat from a rather busty waitress that was not wearing undergarments. Hooter medley broke out. Another fun favorite was Saran crap on the stripper pole. Who would have known?

It was a fun night for the hash. On-on to next week’s hash!

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H4 1691 Leather n Lace

Hares: Pearl Necklace and Vanilla Starfish
Hounds: 89
Virgins: 7
Reboots: 13
Visitors: 2
Quote of the Run, “Why is there a fire going? Because we realized it wasn’t hot enough.” – Vague Rant

Heat. Leather. Lace. The ultimate feeling of being inside a large woman’s corset at the Renaissance Festival. Last Sunday, nearly 100 hashers set forth onto the screaming pavement of downtown Houston in record heat. Luckily for us, it was the only theme run where we could legitimately wear next to nothing.

We arrived in a parking lot that reflected the heat just at the right angle to make all our lovely ladies’ skanky makeup melt. Many of the hashers began to strip before the run took off. Vanilla and Pearl showed up in true leather and lace fashion, and the hash gasped when Chief Wounded Weiner popped out of his car like a bondage Pillsbury biscuit. Deeeeelicious. EZ Fag came in a close second. And let’s not forget Comma Sutra, stepping out of her car dressed like Lady GaGa in her red lace outfit from the MTV Music Awards. It. Was. Sick. The hares helped our scared, and yet seemingly curious virgins, and off we pranced! Into the field of sunflowers and…THORNS! We weren’t prepared for THORNS! Lace ripped, tights were splintered, and the hounds lost trail in a small thicket overlooking downtown. All the men in slips bemoaned their silk and the ladies minded their fishnets.

Somewhere in between finding the next part of trail and coming across a hobo game of craps, we managed to pass a water check? Many of the hounds joked that it must have been the rainwater collection from the overpasss run-off, but later confirmation proved that there was, in fact, a water check somewhere along Buffalo Bayou. And collectively we said WTF? Dick Assley took his apprehensive cousin Just Mark along an abandoned train crossing to anticipate a bank switch, but ended up jumping back to the left hand side once he realized we were running straight by the downtown police station. That’s right. Straight by probates and cops alike, our trannies and sexy beasts streamed past the station as Just Cathy (named: see below) screamed, “I’M NOT A WHORE! I DON’T ALWAYS DRESS LIKE THIS!” Little did she know, the crack addicts along east downtown weren’t listening to her – they were adding her to their masturbatory fantasies, covered in coke, holding a Rueben sandwich and a 40 of Steel Reserve.
To be fair after that moment upside the street, I nearly blacked out. This is where the Hash Trash gets a little fuzzy. The heat was so intense, the water check so hidden, and the checks seemingly out of reach, that most of the pack began to walk and bitch and moan. Except for Tap Dat Ass, but please. We all know that braud never walks! We bounced and flounced down Navigation towards the old grain silos and caught wind of walkers. Without water, we begged for hints until 8″ Crack and C3PHoles let us know that we were headed towards the runner’s trail. On-on down another winding street for a little shade, a rare commodity found only along train tracks, and we saw a familiar sight. The grain silos! For those wankers who didn’t attend the Bayou Clean – Up, the silos herald our adopted bayou stretch. Legend tells of a naked hobo who lives in one of those silos, but to this day we have not seen him or any butt nakedness.

Many of the women changed including Ass Grabber who turned, as always, into a delicious cook. A fire was started that made many groan – we didn’t think it was possible, but the run did become 10 degrees hotter. Vanilla and Pearl made some sinfully delicious snacks and sweets and many changed into dry clothes or even less clothing. Tap Dat Ass put on heels! Just Cathy re-applied make-up! Big Wet Hole pulled out a thong wedgie! Loofah tounged Mammaries of a Geisha. It was official. The whore-off was on.

First a few accusations and MORE attempts to name Just Eddy. Haaaaaay-seus, Tool Fairy, etc. Nothing stuck again and we moved on to picking on Just Cathy. The name Spank Bank was suggested while others offered Table Whore. The RA’s decided that the matter could only be settled by a drinking contest. As NARC pointed out, an extremely loaded and biased drinking contest, but a contest none the less. Spank Bank won and while she stood there awkwardly, the hash had yet to realize that formerly Just Cathy had no idea what a spank bank actually was. We shall refer to the urban dictionary for this one, so that everyone will have the correct definition:
“Spank Bank: A mental collection of visual images one stores in ones mind to remember later for purposes of ‘self pleasure’ see: masturbation. Entered into the spank bank are an array of images of people (usually ones you want to bone) in either suggestive or totally non-sexual situations generally seen in real life.”

Oh the fun! Ewe Do Her and Vanilla re-enacted a make-out scene between Loofah and Mammaries, Chief Wounded Weiner took home the gold in the nasty outfit contest (EZ Fag had already changed), and Comma Sutra’s Lady Gag Gag outfit won her some sexy prizes. There was some marital discomfort when Semper Pi Do or Diet handed out whipped cream moustache rides and an offended No Head Tonight shoved cream down his woman’s butt crack. In the end, everyone was a winner because she showed the hash her whipped cream laden thong. Holla! Afterwards, accusations and a parade of sexy wommens strutted their stuff to the On-On-On.

A better On-On-On was never seen (until Hoot County). There was head-banging, photo booth raping, chess, an On-On-On-On at the Flying Saucer, and Just Marie getting pulled over for going the wrong way down Main Street. Ah, memories.

On to next year’s Saucy Fest!
EZ to PLZ

Legend:

H4 1690 Pussy Pleasers

Stuck on the Bone = YellowHeartache = GreenPP = PurpleMcP = Red

Run #1690 Pussy Checker & Easy to Please Hash

25-JUL-10

2 Hares, 6 virgins, 95 hounds

Happy Hash Day to you! Happy Hash day to you!

There is no better way to celebrate a birthday or hash anniversary than to be a hare and set a trail!

Easy to Please celebrated one year of hashing and Pussy Checker celebrated his birthday by haring a most excellent hash. Who needs birthday cake when you have a birthday keg?!

The hares chose a wonderfully convenient start, the Lowe’s at 610 North and Ella. Start time was at 4:00 pm. We hounds found a little shaded spot to gather up before the run, while 8-inch crack displayed the haberdashery.

The hares gave chalk talk with perfect chalk markings. They announced flour marks on trail and a welcome turkey-eagle split.

Trail started off through the parking lot, then wandered through some urban shaggy. It would have been hard to do trail without getting your shoes at least a little wet. We had everything on trail; sidewalks,  park areas & a little shaggy. All was great hashing terrain. Toward the end of the trail, we were passing a park-like area. That is where I, Old Faithful, jumped a mile high when a kid threw a bottle rocket out of a passing car. It landed near my feet, and made me move as fast as Speedy Gonzalez! Finally, the end is near, Beer Near that is!

We ended beneath an overpass, Shepherd  drive was right above us, being just north of I-10. Two kegs of cold Lone Star welcomed thirsty hashers. As the pack came in, a police car came on close to the ending. Our usual hero, NARC, saved us from harassment. We were able to continue enjoying our cold and tasty beverages.

Rain Bitch and HorseFli DriveBi were our honorable Religious Advisors for the circle. A toast to “G”, and circle began. The hares were honored for the milestones that they were celebrating. We had virgins that were called in the circle next.

How many times have you been following trail and a civilian yells out “ what are you running for”.  After a few smart-ass comments, someone will eventually yell back something about the hash, and “check us out on-line”. Yeah, right, that will happen.  Well, virgin Nicolas did just that. He saw the hash running through The Heights one day, asked what we were doing, found us on-line, and came out to the hash!

Adam was called to the circle. A story was told of how he loved to stop at garage sales. Perfect for a naming,  “Second Hand Job”.

Jason was named at the on-on-on the previous week. To make it official, and we all know how important that is in the hash, his naming was confirmed in the H4 circle. His hash name is now “Too Drunk to Fuck”. This was provoked by the Karaoke song he bellowed at the bar.

Tiffany played with a golf ball all during circle. Her hash name is now “Hole in One”.

Please be sure to ask each one of these newly named hashers the full story of their names. In proper hash behavior, they should have many more details and lies to add to the story!

There was a flurry of announcements.  So many events coming up! We will be having a fall campout, more details to come on that. Also, since August 15^th is the New Orleans Red Dress Run, Doggie Daze in San Antonio and Campout in Clear Fork, the hash run that week is moved from Sunday to Monday, August 16^th.

The on-on-on was announced to be at T-Bones, formerly known as KC’s. A great sports bar with food and reasonable beer, and very close to the start. A fun addition was a punching bag in the back.  DangleBarry and Just Val challenged civilians to a contest for high score on the boxing machine.  Val hit the high score and now has bragging rights.

Now we are waiting for the fun and festivities that next year holds when these two hare and excellent trail for us again. Please, please, will you hare again?

On-on to next week’s hash.