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Rogue H3 Sat Dec 26 in a larger map

In Hooter’s absence, here’s an attempt at hash trash for Goldilock’s rogue Galveston hash:

About a dozen hashers showed up to celebrate Goldilock’s pending departure for the Bahamas Islands. The hounds were Pearl Necklace, Ass Grabber, Vanilla Starfish, Pleather Balls, Santa Claus, Beat My Meat, Really?, F*ck, Dick the Boy Wonder, Just Emily, Pull the Plug, and Platterpuss. Since this was a live hare run, Goldilocks got a 10 minute head start. As soon as the hounds left the parking lot the trail headed into the shiggy along one of the tributaries of Clear Lake. The pack stuck together as we plowed through briars and tall saltgrass in the sweltering heat. We dodged hurricane Ike debris and barbed wire fences before coming to a watercrossing through the most awful smelling mud that I have ever encountered. We sank knee deep into the mud and crotch deep into the black water. As we emerged, one by one, the pack began to spreadout a little bit.

The first two miles were pretty much all shiggy. As FRBs Vanilla Starfish and Platterpuss exited the shiggy and entered a residential street, they caught the hare. So they waited for a few minutes while the rest of the pack caught up with them. Once we were all back together, we stayed pretty bunched up for the rest of the trail. Especially since the checks were harder because the hare didn’t want to be caught again.

Things went smoothly until we neared the Kemah Boardwalk area where our hare erred good judgment and laid the trail through back yard of some unappreciative home owners. As the hounds came through, we were stopped by the Kemah police and warned not to trespass again and to stay off the roads. So we tried to stay on sidewalks until the hare erred good judgment again and laid trail through and around a very crowded boardwalk. The trail led us through the fountain area where a live “Rock the Dock” concert was in progress.

As we exited the Boardwalk and headed toward the marina, we were stopped again by the cops and this time they were REALLY unhappy. They explained to us that it was really stupid to be running through a crowd and throwing down flour, in this day and time. The hounds explained that we were only following trail. The Kemah police officer said that he didn’t care who did it and that we couldn’t leave until it was cleaned up. Goldilocks eventually emerged and admitted that he was the culprit, and he was ordered to clean the boardwalk of all of he flour. So with a broom and bucket of water in hand, he proceeded to clean up the trail, while the hares continued to the end aboard the boat “Iron Maiden” which was moored in the marina.

After Goldilocks finished his clean-up duties, the circle commenced aboard the Iron Maiden. Dick the Boy Wonder and Goldilocks took turns as RA. The accusations were plentiful as we enjoyed the boat and the pleasant surroundings. Several attempts were made to name Just Emily. Chum Bucket and Chum Bait were among the names suggested before the group finally settled on “Thar She Blows”. So she went down as Emily, and came up as “Thar She Blows”.

After the circle ended, stories were told, lies were explained, the perfect breast size was discussed, and suggestions for the upcoming 100th Galveston H3 run were thrown out. Thanks to Goldilocks for the shitty trail and great adventure. Life is good.

On-on
Pull the Plug

Brrrr gave us a good live hare run on Monday June 15. Start was Full Moon Parking Lot. Here’s Hooter’s map of the trail of a little more than 4 miles.

Brrr ran out of flour at one point and talked some young guy into giving her a ride back to fetch more flour. But the pack never knew it, until we were told at the end, and it never interrupted the pack’s progress. Beer Check (Ass Grabber) was at entrance gates to Picnic Loop. Trail ended in the (dark) parking lot next to Texadelphia. About 16 souls in all, at Hooter’s count: Drive Bi Fly Bi, Pussy Checker, Wad To Blow, Who The F**k Are You,
child Arkin, Il Castrado, Vaseline Queen (Kathryn), Low Profile, Roy Orifice, Dumpster Digger, Dick The Boy Wonder (conducting brief downdown for our modest Hare), Susie?, Hooter Bill, and ??? (who else?).

Edited to add:Estrus

Click the image above to see 8″ Crack’s pics from the party and the last hash of 2008.

8″ Crack laid a good trail (all flour) for her rogue hash in Deer Park on New Year’s Eve starting at 3 p.m. A pack of 6 or so took off about 3:45 p.m. after waiting with curiosity for 25 F**cks Guaranteed to show.

Estrus, Heartache, Goldiloxxx, Hairy Cum (from Brenham Hash), recent-transplant-loud-Florida-Guy whose name Hooter can’t remember (Ed. — That would be Squat and Swallow), and Hooter Bill all did the run. It was worth the wait. Trail crossed school yards and country paths, then into neighborhoods before taking an unexpected turn from the Battleground Golf Course to end through a hole in the fence in the back of 8″ Crack’s backyard.

Recent-transplant-loud-Florida-Guy whose name Hooter can’t remember (being Squat and Swallow) led the down down’s in the circle. The buildup of New Year’s Eve revelers at the house built up to a housefull by midnight. Champagne and Bare Ass Burns’ great black eyed peas and cabbage brought in the New Year.

After much celebrating, many ended up staying at the house.

Your scribe,
Hooter Bill

The hash was good. All agreed. Several puzzling checks kept the pack of about 9 or 10 together. A run of about an hour. Low Profile took a bit longer.

Thorny woods, little bayous, a five-sided mega-church, a brick wall to cross (with convenient footholds), some streets. Finish was back at the start, on Pinemont, just west of Ella Blvd. It was an open yard of rusty machine tools from the end of the industrial age. Besides the machine tools, we admired an old MGB and a Jaguar and an old Ford tractor. After the circle, we went on on on to the Petrol Station on Wakefield off Ella Blvd in Garden Oaks.

Geek (arrived late and guarded the wide-open shag wagon)
Low Profile
Estrus
ID10t
Who the F**k Are You
Burning Rubber
Goldiloxxx
Heartache
Hindlegs

— Hooter/Drummer Bill

Things didn’t come together as I hoped on Sunday afternoon. It wasn’t until almost an hour and half after hash time that I was able to get freed up. Still, I had to give it a shot; the start was only minutes from my front door and I knew the shiggy would be glorious. After covering myself from head to toe in deet *glorious deet,* I was off.

It was a slow start; 20+ minutes to solve the first check. After that, things got better. I moved pretty quickly along trail (considering I was a pack of one) and I was enjoying myself. I finally popped out of the woods at a check on the south side right-of-way of a very wide bayou.

There was a large spot of flour to the west, so I ran a quarter mile that was finding nothing. I returned to the check to find another large spot of flour immediately to the east. I ran that to some dirt bike trails headed SE, and make a triangle back to the bayou. Nothing. Eventually I found trail headed SW from the check, back into the woods. It was great territory, well marked and I was in the groove. I swear, I knew where the marks were before I could even see them. Everything was as it should be.

At some point, I saw another part of some kids’ tree house. I say “another” because I remembered seeing a similar part earlier. Wait a minute! It was not similar, it was IDENTICAL. I got vertigo for a few seconds trying to figure out where I was and trying to make sense out of what I was seeing. I kept going and soon it was apparent that I did a loop. I tried again; same result. Next time I got to the arrow, I saw a mark coming from the opposite direction (I had not been there). I scrambled across a ditch found a few marks and more arrows pointing me back the other way. I figured *for sure* the hare had to double back and got his exit trail too close to the inbound trail, so I tried unsuccessfully for 20 minutes to find a different trail taking me away from the loop of death. At some point I didn’t see any marks for a long time and got completely turned around so I has no idea which way was up. Light is starting to fade too, so I am getting a little nervous. Finally I stumble back upon the loop of death and decide it’s time to run back out the way I came.

It turns out it much harder to follow trail backward in the woods versus the proper direction. It is slow going and light is fading fast. I trip badly, loose my balance, and plant my shoulder right into a coon trap. Luckily it only tears my flesh; the large stick that went in with me saved me any broken bones. I am bleeding quite a bit, but I manage to get up and continue. It’s really getting hard to pick out the marks now; the mosquitoes are starting to ignore the deet too. The smell of blood had brought them. That’s not the only predator that is attracted to the scent of blood as I would soon discover.

I first thought it was my imagination; movements in my peripheral vision, but nothing there when I turned to look. Then I was sure I heard something large out there; seemingly all around me. Then I saw them; a pack of wild dogs. Before I knew it, one on them had me by the shorts and pulled me to the ground. Another two were on me as soon as I hit the ground; one on each shoe. Then the leader came for my throat. Something snapped. I was no longer a human, but a wild animal fighting for survival. As the leader jumped for me, I kicked loose of my shoes just in time to roll into the oncoming attack. My hands caught him on either side of his head and my thumbs found his eyes. I head a bloodcurdling cry and felt his powerful body go limp. Only then did I realize how hard I had driven my thumbs into his eye sockets. Their leader dead, the other dogs quickly retreated. I was shocked at what I had done, but there was no time to ponder it.

I had no shoes. It was now dark. One foot was badly injured and I was loosing blood. I could see the ligaments of the angle exposed through the hanging flesh. I did not think that I could go on, but I remembered that my friends (the hash) were out there and they would be looking for me. That thought alone is probably the only thing that got me through the next hour as I staggered and eventually crawled my way back to the start. I had lost a lot of blood and was extremely dehydrated. Any minute I knew a hasher that was part of the search party would stumble across me…. Four hours later, I crawled across the four lanes of traffic on Clay Road to get back to my car in the Bear Creek Park parking lot. The parking lot was deserted except for my car and there was an open beer can on my hood with about an ounce of warm beer in it. A tear came to my eye; by god, they really do care about me!

On ON,
SCrap