Hares: Pussy Checker and Menage Myself

Wow, what can be said about this run other than “HOT AS HELL”!? As the hounds arrived at the start, which was located at FM 521 and Southbelt Industrial Dr. in Pearland, everyone was seeking what little shade that was provided by the SUV’s parked in the area. Menage Myself or was it Pipes, brought out a cooler of nice cold water to be drunk by the pack to keep themselves well hydrated before the run.

Being this was actually Pussy Checker’s Birthday run, some of his Roller Derby buddies showed up to support him and Menage Myself for their very entertaining Fiestavus Run.

Our hares, dressed in ponchos and sombreros, along with lovely new mustaches, quickly got down to business and did chalk talk. And off the pack went across FM 521 to realize there were no marks anywhere. Thankfully, someone crossed back over to where we started and found an arrow leading into the shiggy by the railroad tracks.

The runner’s trail started south down the railroad track paralleling FM 521, but quickly turned into a creek headed into the woods. After slogging through knee high water, trail went under a bridge for an abandoned railroad easement. Trail then went east past a private lake, through some dirt bike trails, and into a high sock field.

Trail popped out onto Almeda School Rd. and headed south across Clear Creek and east through the wildlife preserve. The nasty hares then had trail head south towards McHard Rd., and at the runner/walker split had trail go across the gully and north right across from where people came out of the wildlife preserve.

Trail then dove east into some reasonably dense wooded shiggy, then north across Clear Creek into a pipe yard. Trail continued east through the pipe yard on old pipe itself. There were apparently some dog encounters in the pipe yard.

From the pipe yard, trail went through some dense woods, into another high sock field to Kirby. It then headed south on Kirby across Clear Creek, then turned east along the south bank of the creek. Once into the woods and around the creek, trail wound from side to side, including in the creek itself. Eventually the trail popped out on the south side of the creek and finished behind Bucees and the new construction at 288 and McHard Rd. As a bonus, the nasty hares made considerable effort to leave as many spider webs intact as possible for the pack to encounter while on trail.

It was told to me that Platterpus was a little freaked out by all the spider webs. As he would pass through them, he would make someone check him from head to toe to make sure there were no spiders crawling on him. I feel your fear Platterpus, I hate creepy crawlers too!!

Okay, so weren’t we promised the perfect “pool ending?” As Mamma’s Boy and I came upon the ending, it suddenly hit me that I just knew it was going to be a kiddie pool. The hares didn’t disappoint in that assumption. Oh well, so much for a good swim after a miserably hot day on trail! On to the fun stuff!

Circle got going by our RA with tons of accusations made regarding our hares. My personal favorite was Will He Peter accusing the hares of having roughly 52 hounds show up with 52 bathing suites, and NO pool to actually swim in. So, our terrific RA sent the hares to the pool full of iced down beer and made them have a seat in it. I guess you could say that was getting “iced,” but the problem is, those wimps didn’t last 5 seconds in that pool! I think it’s time for Mama’s Boy to start bringing out the ice blocks for nasty hares!

Anyway, instead of doing our normal down downs with beer, our hare Pussy Checker, made some WONDERFUL margarita Jello-Shots that we used instead. And might I add, after about 15 of those, I’m seriously hurting today! Must get that recipe from ya!

Before leaving the start, we were instructed to look for a machete and two rubber ducks with sombreros on trail. Heartache and Roller Balls found the rubber ducks, but no machete was found. As H’ache pointed out, if we had found it, the hares would be dead by now! So violent! Anyway, for finding these little prizes on trail, they were each awarded with a fine bottle of tequila and were made to do a down down with it!

After numerous accusations that I can’t remember due to the strong Jello-shots, we moved on to the rather entertaining games the hares had in store for us!

As we moved over to the area where they had set up the piñata, WHP decided to be a bit of a smart a$$ and throw a huge log at it. Now I don’t think he ever thought his aim would actually hit the target, but down came our piñata and needed to be mended by Ass Grabber before we could have fun beating the crap out of it!

Once fixed, and by meaning fixed, I mean a TON of tape around the thing so it could be attached back to the hook, we all took our shots at it. Myself getting first dibs cause everyone knew I was in a pissy mood and needed to hit the crap out of something! So I took my shots, making contact a couple of times. Next was Sooey, then Can’t Touch This….none of which could hit hard enough to break it open. So Menage Myself, realizing that it was probably because of the tape job Ass Grabber gave it, picked it up and started swinging it. McPisser lined up and took several shots and made GREAT contact, but still couldn’t bust that damn thing open. So in the end, I think it was thrown on the ground and had the crap beat out of it by several people. FINALLY it broke and out came the goodies, bottles of tequila, some good salt, and other Mexican favorites.

Next the men showed their strength at sombrero tossing. I walked off bored when I realized there really was no excitement in that!!

The ON ON ON was announced to be located at Norton’s Pub off of 518 in Pearland. Off we went to the nice, cool AC to drink more beer, talk more trash about the trail, and eat some good pub grub!

Thanks to the hares for an especially fun ending to a hot and miserable trail! And I say that in the nicest of ways since I didn’t actually do true trail!