Hares: John Boy and Stop & Blow

John Boy and Stop & Blow’s 15th Hashing Anniversary Trail began in the western parking lot of Lone Star Kingwood College on a beautiful early fall day.

The trail was called “Return to the Bog” and boggy it was, as earlier in the week Houston had been visited by heavy rain twice. As the pack gathered, the scent of DEET hung heavy in the air, and many old faces could be seen, including ZOLTAN!

Just before trail I tried to sneak into the wood to have a little pee, but I was scared witless by a three-foot snake, who was probably scared witless by me. This was the first clue that the trail would be wilder than usual.

Pack took off to the southwest, directly towards the trees where the snake had been sleeping. Almost immediately, hashers found themselves sliding down muddy walls and crossing small streams. S&B had warned us, “If you come to water, you better just cross it, because there is no way around.”

It wasn’t too long before we understood what she meant. Trail headed in a general southerly direction, through trees and up and down small hills until finally we saw it — the mouth of the San Jacinto River. Here is where the bayous of northeast Houston feed into the river before it flows into the Gulf. And thanks to the recent rain, the river was actually pretty clean and refreshing.

When I looked out and saw Geek up to his chest, I knew the water was deep. So in an effort to pass the slowpokes, I started swimming instead of wading. Behind me, hashers helped the non-swimmer cross together. In front of me, hashers helped each other scramble up the steep, much-soaked bank.
Trail continues from there into a cypress swamp that was decidedly less refreshing than the river. It was slow-going as everyone tried to avoid the dangers below the surface. In spite of these hazards, trail was quite easy to follow with few checks.

I personally witnessed Hooter Bill cross every single water crossing. Even if he was the slowest one. At the river, Hooter actually took his shirt off in order not to get it wet.

Another bayou crossing, another swamp crossing, this time heading westward. We emerged onto a road-like path where trail turned north again. Another river crossing. Then we got to the marsh, what felt like the longest part of trail, as the few DFLs (your scribe included) sloshed through a knee-high field of cypress roots, cat tails and wetlands grass. I have never been so happy to see the letters BN on the ground before.

Trail ended just north of the starting parking lot, on a walking trail for Evans’ Gully.
New boot Bob was called into the circle several times, but was unable to drink due to some medical reason. I was made to drink for the snake incident, Hooter was made to drink for crossing the water, our hares were made to drink for what might turn out to be trail of the year. The pack consumed two kegs of beer and a wonderful pot o’ beans cooked by Stop & Blow.

On on on was not at Hoot County, the stripper pole bar, as promised, but instead at the appropriately-named Nowhere Bar. Few hashers turned up and they missed the glorious sight of a big-boobied bartender wearing nothing but a bra for the bulk of the night. Pipes and Platterpuss were served a concoction referred to as a Nipple Beer, which they downed with delight. What is it with bars in that part of town?

On On from your scribe
— Snatcha