Hares: Pull the Plug, Dr. Cootchie, Butt Pirate

This is long, but there were just too many funny things that happened and needed to be told! ON ON!

Every time I hear a trail is going to be seriously shiggy, I start to cringe. Most especially when I know it’s my turn to write the hash trash. I don’t say that because I hate shiggy, it’s because I hate getting lost and being on trail alone. So I arrived at the starting location for today’s run at the new Target on Beltway 8 and Pearland Parkway with one goal….to find a buddy to run with!

As the pack started arriving, I sought out someone who I knew runs about my pace. Thank goodness Mom was there!

As we set off, the hares had us cross under the Beltway on Pearland Pkwy. and into the new apartments currently under construction. A check was quickly found and the pack headed off in different directions around the lake. The majority of us fell for a false trail while a few ventured off in the correct direction. So Mom and I headed across to the other side and through the parking lot and into a big field.

Trail came out of the field onto a gravel path that ran for a short distance then down into a ditch to cross into another field that eventually led to the woods. Powertool was with us and figured we could avoid the shiggy if we followed the trail around to the road (he actually saw others shortcutting it too). So we headed that way which turned out to be a smart choice.

We saw Butt Pirate down the road for a beer check on trail. Mom noticed others heading into some shiggy just about 200 yards from us. So we skipped the beer check and shortcut some more! By then, we had caught up with Pussy Checker, Just Bob, and a few others who were well ahead of us.

Through the short bit of shiggy we went and into a field behind some homes. We found trail on the streets, which eventually led us to a bridge over a creek. Down the hill we went and across the creek where trail went for a short bit. Oddly, I would have expected to see a snake on trail in that area, but instead we saw a dead rat! I was with Platterpus at that point and learned there is one creature he doesn’t freak out over!!

After coming out of the creek, we ran across another field to a water crossing. It was a somewhat warm day and I was actually looking forward to this crossing. For once in my life I didn’t freak out over snakes! As Mom and Burning Rubber helped me down into the water, my body temperature must have dropped several degrees…it was WONDERFUL! Road Kill was on the other side helping people up the muddy hill with the blue rope the hares had found on trail to help us. So in true 8” Crack fashion, I grabbed the rope, talked Parson’s Nose into helping me with the other hand and told Mom to grab my tooshie and push me up the hill! Such gentlemen!

After that, the REAL shiggy began! And so did the fun! We ran over and under several downed trees. Mama’s Boy had caught up to us and was cussing about all the Poison Ivy on trail! Considering I’m covered in it right now as I type, I can’t blame his ranting on trail! Didn’t the hares say there was little to NO PI on trail?? Bad, Bad hares!!

We eventually came out of the shiggy just after the abandoned vans to another long thin stretch of open field. We finally found the BN mark and groaned when we could see the pack at the ending across the lake at the end of the fence, but then saw the INSANE amount of shiggy we had to go through to get to them! So we decided to march on without trying to get a million gashes on our legs from all the briars and finally made it home!

All that dreading of a shiggy trail and I had such a BLAST! I really do enjoy doing shiggy trails when I have a fun group to be with out on trail. All I can say to the hares is…AWESOME TRAIL!!

The circle was, as usual, fun and crazy! The Cone of Silence made its return too. We had a fire started as it was actually starting to get cool since it was getting a little dark.
This run should have been renamed “The Lost and Found” run. Butt Pirate told us during chalk talk that he lost the key to his truck on trail and a case of our favorite beer would go to the hound that finds it on trail. I know it was found, just don’t know who the lucky hound was!

Then Can’t Touch This lost her dog Catfish. After much looking around, she somehow found out that Catfish found her way back to CTT’s car a the start! Such a smart little dog!

I’ve saved the best story for last. The following was an email sent to me from Pull The Plug. We all wondered why we never saw Keezer at the end, assuming he got lost and just went back to the end. Here’s what he had to say about what happened.

“As you may or may not have noticed I didn’t make it to the end of the run yesterday, something about trying not to get arrested for trespassing through the apartment construction site: i.e., not bringing Johnny Law down on the group and having to ford the entire lake in order to get away from my persistent bicycle riding, constantly bitching security watch dog who had his foreman, the police, two park rangers on an ATV and a helicopter looking to throw me in chains. Needless to say I drew them away from most of the trail, taking an extremely long route away from trail. But I did find it again several times, before it got dark. The last bit following the walkers trail past the Haunted House backwards to the start. The point of all this is to say I never claimed my blue backpack style hash bag. Do you know who has it and a contact for them?”

So we at least know the Ghosts in the Haunted House didn’t snatch him up and do “deadly” things to him!

As usual, the beer ran out too fast and the ON ON ON was announced to be a place called Skooter’s. The pack headed back to the cars then to the ON ON ON for more fun.

As the drinking continued, I suddenly heard Mama’s Boy yell “Circle UP!” If you drunks will remember, we tried several times to name Just Matt in the circle at the end of the run. Well, he finally f^cked up during a conversation with McPisser and Mama’s Boy while drinking at Skooter’s.

As McPisser tells it, they were standing around with a group of people drinking (go figure), and McPisser commented on how he thought “Miss Congeniality” would have been the perfect hash name for Just Matt. Well, Mama’s Boy being the funny smartass that he is, said something along the line of “you could have been named something like cumstain”. So in a Bevis and Butthead voice, Just Matt started saying “I AM Cumstain”!! And so he was named!

And so the story ends to what was another fun day at the hash. As I left a little early from the ON ON On, I’m sure there are more, but we will just have to find out sometime later!

Faithfully submitted and ON-ON,
— 8″ Crack