Hares: Anal 101 and Out of Tuna

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Our hares, Out of Tuna and Anal 101, had us gather in a lovely park just off Lockwood in the University of Houston area. Leaving our cars and praying they would still be there, we headed off, trying to decide whether or not we would brave the eagle or turkey trail.

Leaving the park, we headed out onto the streets and ended up at the I-45 underpass. Taking a few minutes to find trail, the pack finally took off towards UH. Not being able to keep up with the pace of the pack, I slowed down and joined Master Chugger and Will He Peter.

We soon came up to the rail yard and found trail on the other side of the tracks. Knowing that Hooter Bill was somewhere behind us, we waited several minutes to get him in eyesight in order to lead him in the right direction. WHP noticed a train was coming and Hooter ended up getting stuck on the other side of the train. Not being able to hear our whistles and screams after 10 minutes, we gave up on Hooter and headed back onto trail.

The three of us moved along and chatted while on trail. Master Chugger (I’m pretty sure it was her idea) thought the hash should buy Hooter one of those implants for Alzheimer’s patients so we could always track him while on trail. As we contemplated this amazing idea and who we could test it on, we came upon a check that baffled us. Taking roughly 15 minutes to solve, MC finally found trail nearly 300 yards from the check.

Back on track, we headed down the trail along the bayou where we were met by our evil foe, the wind. Pushing on, we realized trail went into the neighborhood. On we went and figured we must be heading right back to the park we just passed….go figure. Sure enough we ended up back at the park, yet again searching for trail. Now it has to be said (because I love making fun of myself) that as we were finding trail, I turned around and saw Womb Service coming towards us. Sad thing is, we were on the turkey trail and he was on the eagle trail. Yes people…it’s called moving at a snails pace!

Anyway, Womb Service ran around the park a bit and found trail for us. MC, WHP, and I were convinced we had to be near the end. Uhhh…nope! We had a good ¾-mile left. We tried to start running, but you know what, at this point why bother!

As we came into the end with all these eagle trail runners, I remember hearing Just Bob ask, “Hey Crack, did you do the Eagle trail”? I just laughed and gave him that look that says….are you NUTS??

After changing into warmer clothes and getting lost on the car back….going and coming back….the circle was gathered around the fire. I grabbed some beer, then went and hung out with two of my favorite sexy men….Pull The Plug and Lube Job. I never once had to complain about being cold when these two men had me sandwiched in a tight hug keeping me warm! Thanks guys!

The highlight of the night was of course I Am Cumstain and his limited ability to make a funny accusation! After numerous attempts and him being made to drink for such shitty accusations, someone finally called IAC into the circle and accused him of being like Small Johnson. He just laughed and drank not knowing any the better. Later on, he approached me and asked who Small Johnson is and why it was so funny. I had to explain what I’ve only heard through rumors…..that he, like Small Johnson, just didn’t have the ability to make an accusation that had any humor, makes any sense, or any relevance to what happened on trail. I just patted him on the back and told him sometimes it’s okay to be a wallflower in the circle!

So, this was our Mash Hash. When I came back from the car, I asked Pull the Plug if the food was ready. He laughed and told me I would be a brave person if I ate any of it. After inquiring why, he told me that someone had put an ass load of Habanera Peppers into the Mash and it just wasn’t edible. Ummm…Grind Slut, not everyone has your tolerance to the hot stuff! It was said afterwards though, that Road Kill was seen bartering with the hares to take the food home!

So as our beer ran out, as well as our warm cozy fire, the ON ON ON location was announced and there was much rejoicing. On to the Flying Saucer we went! Warm food, cold beer, and good company were had by all that ventured out! Oh and Blackbush, sorry for getting us lost while I was on the phone trying to get to the FS!!

Faithfully submitted and ON-ON,
— 8″ Crack