Hares: The Pitts, Turtle Brains, and Heartache

The day was marvelous! No one could ask for a more perfect day! Clear blue skies, just right temps, and the promise of a good urban shiggy trail. Our hares, The Pitts, Turtle Brains, and Heartache had us meet at 3pm at the corner of Bingle and West Little York on the Northwest side of town for a most excellent trail!

As I arrived, I noticed Lorna Dunes and Geek getting Lorna’s bike all aired up. I pulled in next to them and opened up the back of my car where I had some beer ready to drink. Taking one out and pouring it into my vessel, I start my day of drinking….preparing for a hash.

Chalk talk was brief and to the point….back checks and falses would be found on trail! And there was NO lie to that!! Starting off, we ran out the backside of the parking lot and took a left onto a street that led into a neighborhood. Immediately, the pack found a false. So we turned and went the other way. When we got to another main street, the pack spread out to find marks, only to find a backcheck. Finally, marks and true trail went through a storage area where several on lookers laughed as we ran by.

Before we knew it, we were on an old, not in use anymore, golf course. According to McPisser, it was the Inwood Golf Course. We ran along the golf cart path for a good while. Being able to see the FRB’s well ahead of us, it was a great run for those of us in the back. Plus, the fact that there were several falses on trail helped to keep us together most of the trail.

As we continued on through the golf course, we came upon the beer check at around mile 2 as promised by our hares. Wanting to keep as close to the pack as possible, I skip the beer check and head on. More golf course shiggy we ran through, then hit the neighborhoods again. We found yet again another backcheck, and Silent Dick I believe, found true trail really quick after. So the pack, all together at this point again, headed on down that street. We eventually hit some grassy area that went along a bayou that was desperately in need of water!

As those of us in the back of the pack got to the “so-called water crossing”, we spotted Saran Crap, Womb Service, and Catamite coming back across. Confused, we asked if there was a false. Their only response was “we are heading back to the beer check because that’s the only good thing about this trail!”. So we spot some hashers on the other side trying to decide what to do. Dr. Cootchie yelled to us that marks were indeed on the other side of the train tracks. However, about that time, a train came down the tracks and decided to stop blocking our way across. About that time, I see Roller Balls on the other side of tracks running. So I tell everyone in our group the direction I see him go. So down the tracks we went. Then I spotted runners at the end of tracks where it meets the street. (ends up being those wankers going back to the beer check and were lost) We decide to head down there and see if we spot true trail. Nothing….I’m still surprised no one in that group accused me of f*cking up and making me drink! We decided to go left and see if we could find trail. We never found trail, but luckily we did find the ending thanks to being with much smarter hashers than me!!!

After snacking on some most excellent food, the circle got going by McPisser, our stand in RA for Mama’s Boy. New boots, reboots, etc were called into the circle and made to drink for their sins of just showing up! Next, your scribe, who was given the Hooter Bill award by Grind Slut way back at the Christmas Party Run, was ready to pass Hooter on to the next hasher. Because I never have ANYONE that offends me on trail, or does something stupid (other than myself), I had to think long and hard about whom I would give our beloved Hooter to. At the start of the run, Halfmoon approached me and said, “So….the Wildcats huh?” I said “YUP! Damn glad to get rid of Gillespie and move on to a much better coach!”. Then he had the nerve to say, “Well, at least Notre Dame beat them!”. Okay dude….don’t go picking on my team! Because this was actually funny, especially since Calipari was announced as UK’s head coach last night and was quoted as saying “UK is the Notre Dame of Basketball”…it’s all kinda really funny now! So I gave Halfmoon Hooter because he was picking on my team….but I think it’s just the perfect fit now since the comparison to Notre Dame. As the Hooter Letter states….Hooter does have magical powers! (or something along those lines).

Anyway, accusations went from lame to even more lame….and then none at all! Circle ended pretty quickly and the ON ON ON was announced to be at the SRO. So Dr. Cootchie took a few of us back to our cars and we headed that way. An hour later, very few people were there. Then Hindlegs walked in and informed us that there was a rogue circle still going on because all of the beer in the keg had not been finished yet. Being tired from a long weekend of work and running, I decided to head home and get in bed. From an email McPisser sent, I guess he just wanted to prepare for the Hash Choir for TXIH this weekend!!

Thanks to the hares for a GREAT urban shiggy course….just the right length, just the right amount of moderate shiggy, and just the right weather for a perfect day of hashing!

ON ON,
8” Crack