Hares: Hooter Bill and Master Chugger
Hooter’s been a busy hare, sale ed laying the Galveston hash May 23rd and the PC hash the next week. Then he and Master Chugger were the hare and harriette at Sunday’s hash in honor of Hooter’s 71st birthday. The man’s still got it, diagnosis and how!
The group gathered at the Office Max on W. Gray for a sweltering start on a delightfully sunny day. Five dollar bills were being waved all around the parking lot… widespread confusion. They tried to give their cash to Lorna, pills Geek, and even to yours truly, but we just pointed them in the direction of our new Hash Cash, sitting comfortably under the only shade in the parking lot. Reboots attended in record numbers to help Hooter celebrate his day. We also had a half a dozen virgin hashers… a great showing for a beautiful day of fun and camaraderie.
Hooter called the virgins to the side for a special chalk talk to explain the markings, then a brief standard chalk talk and an explanation of the funky arrows and the WX, or water check… no beer check. And the pack was off!
We stayed together in a pack for a while, as the WX was not far into the run, which slowed down the FRBs. The sun was bearing down on us, so many ran in whatever shade they could find on the trail. Some took advantage of the sprinklers in the median or the beckoning of random water hoses from oblivious yet generous citizens for quick relief from the heat. The checks throughout the run were long, and we had trouble finding a few, but we found our mojo, and seemed to blow right through the second half of the trail. Maybe it was because I was so far behind that the whistles and On-On!s in the distance guided me smoothly through the checks. Uuuuhhh… whatever!
Sweet relief! After a blistering run down Allen Parkway, we came to Hooter’s infamous cemetery ending. We all crowded behind the wooden barrier for a cozy and entertaining circle led by our newly elected RA, Butt Pirate.
We welcomed the virgins, welcomed back the reboots, and Hooter cut the penis cake, which made all of the men wince. Hooter displayed his incredible dexterity and brute force while doing the “Hooter Cake Smash”. Many remembered attending Hooter’s 50th birthday celebration two decades ago, and those in attendance then drank an honorary down-down.
There were several lame accusations, including Grind Slut’s accusation of serving piss beer in St. Arnold’s cups, but little did he know (as one of St. Arnold’s biggest fans) that he was in fact drinking leftover St. Arnold’s beer that had been transferred to the cornelius keg. Master Chugger was called Mary Kay Letourneau, and another accused 8” Crack and FMR of being eye level “package” watchers, both considered perfectly acceptable hash behavior. By and large, Master Chugger and Hooter Bill hared an outstanding urban hash and on-in.
The on-on-on was at the Flying Saucer downtown with 8 million different beers to keep the festivities alive. The fun was positively contagious! We enjoyed pleasant conversation, lots of laughs and good company, until we realized that some of us have to work for a living, and Monday morning comes early. (Yea, NARC… we know that’s not you.) Uggh!
On-on!
Really? F*ck!