Hared by A$$wipe, Platterpuss, Smelly Trench, and Eazy to Please
Hashing for a cause… the hares planned this much controversial Red Dress run as the official H4 weekly run on a Saturday in order to keep our calendars free for Valentine’s Day! How thoughtful! They also added an optional donation to the Americal Heart Association so our guys could have a “valid” excuse for wearing red dresses through the busy streets of the Heights on a sunny Saturday afternoon. Whatever blows your skirts up…
The hares and hounds met at the Big Lots on Shepherd and 11th, where the strip center patrons had a field day with our crowd. Dick the Boy Wonder, aka the school girl, was kind enough to bring extras for those who were without.
Twenty-two virgins attended, and what better event to introduce people to the hash than the famous red dress run?!
The hares were off with a 10 minute start. EZ did chalk talk, and finally, the pack was off to find the hares.
The trail wound through the beautiful Heights neighborhood, with a beer check at an abandoned bank parking lot. We made our way down a main drag full of shoppers and diners, most entertained by our attire.
The end was under an overpass in a warehouse parking lot with plenty of privacy. Kegs of Abita Amber and Natural Light welcomed us after a warmer than usual run, along with delicious homemade delicacies prepared by the hares.
As the sun set, our sweat turned to chills, so we bundled up for a fabulous circle, tag teamed by Mama’s Boy and McPisser. This included not only asking the new boots their names and who made them cum, but also asking their favorite sexual position. The “Eiffel Tower” was a crowd favorite, that came with a full demonstration by volunteers, but the virgin admitted to me that he’d never actually done it, but so wanted to. 😉
Beat My Meat called Just Fran into the circle to suggest a possible naming. Her shocking reaction, being that she’s been hashing for five f*cking minutes, was “I don’t even know who the f*ck he is!” Really? At the Haiti Relief Hash, she got her panties in a wad about Snatcha giving RA, EZ to Please, the mini megaphone at Hans Bier Haus when the neighboring highrise was in a lawsuit with the bar for disturbing the peace. She snatched the megaphone from Snatcha, so… “Scissor Me, Xerxes” was the suggested name (a South Park reference). This didn’t stick, as apparently no one has seen that South Park Episode. Other names were suggested, but finally, she went down as Just Fran, and she rose as “Tits & Asics”, or T&A.
Horsefli Driveby learned what a cowgirl position was, although it looked like he already knew, showing his Brass Monkey after partiers by the shadow of the night light last weekend. Dirty sinner!
Twinkle Toes got a down down for Raider, the only boy dog, peeing on my hash bag. My li’l weenie dog had already marked it with his little weenie pee, but Raider emptied his big bladder all over it.
A new boot revealed to someone that she had a fresh wax job. This led to many possible namings, but since she referred to her hoo-ha as her “wonderful”, the crowd loved “Some kind of Wonderful” as a possible name. Since she was a virgin, we decided to table it for later. Hope that one sticks!
The final accusation was for all of the hashers with implants to come into the circle and have their significant others disarm the possible bombs that reportedly Al-Qaida has been using as weapons of mass destruction. We were all clear, and our men were by our sides to take one for the team.
The on-on-on was at the always fun The Usual Neighborhood Pub on T.C. Jester, which had a great turnout. We raised almost $500 for charity! Great job, hares!
Their small stage was the setting for some delicious dance moves by hashers! The music improved when the DJ arrived, took over our stage, and made us dance on the lower deck.
We all bid farewell to Two Holes and Glad He Ate Her, who will be leaving on their 10 month journey! Yous guys are some of the best people that we know, and we will all miss you! But we are glad that your travels will lead you right back here… to Houston!!! Home! Love you guys!
More beer was consumed, and more dances were danced, more boobs were felt, and more panties were seen… then we took it to El Rey’s… where the fluorescent lighting showed us what middle aged folks look like after a hard night of partying. Ugh! Ate some greasy Mexican food and took it to the house.
on-on to the Pisces Hash hared by Puke!
Love, your matchmaking scribe,
Really? F*ck!!