Hared by Roll Model, Pound Puppy, and Hindlegs

Legend:

Click the link below to download the tracks to Google Earth on your computer, or click the red magnifying glass on the left for FULL SCREEN: H4 1687 Roll Model 50th

Hash trash:

Virgins – 6
ReBoots – 5
Visitors – 1
Total Hashers – 88

Quote of the run:
Heartache to Just Brian, “Did you get over your man crush yet?”

AND TWINS?!

So there we were, in a deserted back parking lot along Yale and 5th street, rushing to be the first 100 hashers to arrive in order to obtain our free goodies, and what did we find? Mugs! Free “Roll Model’s 50th Birthday” mugs! That’s right hashers; if you want people to come to your runs, offer free cool red mugs for the delicious beer you are about to consume. Your hares Roll Model, Pound Puppy, and Hindlegs began the run with a few tricky Height’s area checks, which the majority of the pack split upon approaching.

One group went this way, another group went that way, while most watched Nappy Headed Homo and Ass Grabber do more scouting by bike. Tale of Two Titties (formerly Just Karen) and I had the pleasure of running by Roadkill as he yelled, “Maybe we’re getting a blowjob!” At the time, a few neighborhood kids heard him and rolled over laughing, shrieking that whatever we were doing, they’d like to be a part of! Little do they know that on hashes, unlike most of the time, blow jobs are a bad thing.

What’s that along White Oak? BC? That must stand for Beer Check! But wait! The trick is that our Beer Check was also a Back Check and operated as two marks at once. The r*nners went surging forward as Pee Pee re-imaging himself in his triathlon glory. “There must be a mark somewhere ahead,” he thought. A group of the smart yet terribly sheep-like lemmings followed only to find that, as usual, Pee Pee was only running off the crack cocaine he smokes before hashing (because let’s face it, anyone who runs that much is high).

The Bayou! Ugh.

We returned to the Beer/Back Check and proceeded towards our old familiar friend, the Bayou. Ah yes, the Bayou. Loofah stole an American flag waiting delicately by the newly furbished bike trail and represented what we were really celebrating on the 4th: running along the bayou…again. At least this time we weren’t cemetery bound in some freakish American memorial sentiment for the past. Then, the check from hell. And yes, I do mean HELL. The arrow pointed down the bayou. The walkers were aloft. No one saw any marks, from anywhere even 100 yards out. Ewe Do Her was as angry as a goat in heat. It was the mark from hell because we were all thinking, “WHERE THE HELL ARE THE MARKS?!” In the distance, an on-on call was heard. Horsefli? Another ra*ist? Someone was calling on-on, and so we lemmings decided to follow for our own good. The trail went up a shiggy hill and Ass Grabber beckoned us to the second Water and Beer Check. Also, out of nowhere, Grind Slut and Gas Light emerged on bikes looking very comfortable for an afternoon ride. As soon as we knew there was a nice Turkey/Eagle split being made, hashers decided between another half hour of running or a leisurely walk down Yale to the end. Many chose the latter.

At circle, we enjoyed some delicious cupcakes, St. Arnold’s Amber, and a series of New Boots making accusations like they understood how to do it. Pshhh, amateurs. It took me at least 6 months to learn how to make obnoxious

Platter is coming for you.

accusations and offer bad namings. The circle called out the Brits and foreigners for wearing the wrong flag, while Krazie Puppy insisted that she wasn’t British and was born in, “Loss Angeleez” (said in a British accent). Just Karen was almost named Nippleus Nibbleby, but since the hash is completely illiterate, we stuck with A Tale of Two Titties (TTT or T3). This was in homage to her graduate degree at Rice in Literature and her leaving the hash for some touring nerd fest around the country. Apparently they call this an “internship”.

Finally, Manstruation came in, huffing and puffing from the longest tour of downtown any ranging hasher has ever taken. He slipped in so nonchalantly, we almost missed his entrance. While making fun of the poor kid for his ill-fated downtown run, Hooter Bill and another hariette rolled up in a, get this, PEDAL BIKE CART being pulled by some poor sap making money for fireworks watchers. That’s right. Hooter Bill pulled up in a rickshaw. The laughter echoed for miles. At least he wasn’t dead.

On-on to more beer, hard to see fireworks, and an overall great celebration of Roll Model’s Birthday and the 4th of July. Can’t wait for Roll Model’s 100th birthday when we should all receive more free shag.

HASH TRASH ADDENDUM:
I almost forgot to mention one of the most hilarious sights I have ever witnessed. First, Manstruation came in, huffing and puffing from the longest tour of downtown any ranging hasher has ever taken. He slipped in so nonchalantly, we almost missed his entrance.

While making fun of the poor kid for his ill-fated downtown run, Hooter Bill and another hariette rolled up in a, get this, PEDAL BIKE CART being pulled by some poor sap making money for fireworks watchers. That’s right. Hooter Bill pulled up in a rickshaw. The laughter echoed for miles. At least he wasn’t dead.

Hamersley Takes It Up the A$$
— Easy to Please