PooperBowl – 6-FEB-11
Hares: Rain Bitch
Hounds: 99, including 2 new boots
“I am SOOO happy you made it today” were the first words that our hare, Rain Bitch, said to me as I arrived at the hash. I am always happy to see her, but this time she seemed a little over-enthusiastic to see me. I don’t check my yahoo groups often enough, and heard that there was much going around the week prior to the Pooper Bowl as to the intended recipient. Rain was happy to see a lot of hashers there, including Dick the Boy Wonder, Horsefli Drive Bi and Ass Grabber.
Rain Bitch started the hash at a very convenient location in the Heights, at a park not far off of I-45. The parking lot soon filled up with hashers anxious to hash a fine trail and find out who would be the recipient of the celebrated Pooper Bowl this year. Rain Bitch had a glory year with the New Orleans Saints, but it was time to give up her reign as the PooperBowl Queen.
McPisser was selling Beer Mile shirts, and 8” Crack had haberdashery for sale while the pack gathered up for a 1:00 pm start. Ass Grabber was dressed in foot ball gear and enjoyed throwing around the pigskin. It was rumored for trail to be about 5 miles. A walker trail was also offered. Chalk talk provided the regular Houston marks.
An arrow started the pack off, Ass Grabber running in his football pads and helmet. True trail started off down a hill, and in typical hash fashion, came back up the hill. We should have known. Trail continued around a part of a bayou that looks like it had run over its banks in the recent past. There was lots of trash to wade through at that section. Part of the trail then took us through neighborhoods where you could definitely see the changes coming to Houston. A new two or three story home was built next door to a rundown house. The progression through the neighborhood showed great changes. We then found ourselves on some railroad tracks. Going down the tracks, I saw some walkers crossing, but the r*nners’ trail continued down the tracks for a while. Half Moon came behind on a bike; we talked of a beer check at the President’s heads, but which location?
Not looking at the flour marks, I saw Donut Holer, EZ Fag and Ménage Myself ahead, so I decided to follow them. After a few blocks they yelled back to me that they were not on trail, but looking for a short cut. I still decided to follow, since I could not see anyone else. And EZ Fag is usually right on trail, isn’t he? Pound Puppy joined us as we looked for trail. We walked and walked and walked. No flour to be found. No way, are we missing a beer check?
Hashers ahead? Yeah! There was a very tall hasher in the distance that was hard to miss. The hashers we found seemed to have been lost on the walkers trail. Chief Wounded Weiner was easy to see from a distance, and who was that on crutches? Yes, Tap dat Ass decided to do trail on crutches! Mud in my Crick was a little hung over, and decided to be a gentleman and help Tap along. So now there were about nine of us lost on trail looking for flour. Donut Holer posed in front of the “Houston Police Department Property Room” for a photo.
Someone suggested going back to the cars; maybe the end would be found by walking back? Donut Holer found a “Coney” that he wanted to take back for circle, but soon abandoned it for an orange traffic sign that was in the street. As we started toward the cars, we heard someone yelling loudly. The person was cursing and yelling profanities. Looked like it was a vagrant (not the one we commonly know), wandering the streets. Donut Holer decided to yell back. We soon lost the transient person, but Ménage Myself seemed to be missing him, and commented on his longings from time to time.
Almost back to the cars, we saw many orange shirts ahead. They looked very familiar. Yes, those were hashers, wearing the beer mile shirts! We crossed an overpass and ended at a clearing, hidden from the street. The ending was very near the start. Hash Wisdom.
The end had two kegs of beer, Sam Adams and Lone Star. There were also lots of snacks. Ass Grabber set up a table and had Chili for us. Yummy. After food was served, circle started. Rain was called in for being a hare. After a few accusations, Rain Bitch made a grand entrance on the now motorized Pooper Bowl. Motorized, really? Nice job! I understand that Lube Job and Dickrectionally Challenged helped a bit on getting the PooperBowl motorized, so they were excluded from being a Pooper Bowl nominee. Also, since it was the “year of the man”, so EZ and I were discounted from making the line up. EZ almost worked her way back in with a showing of a PooperBowl t-shirt.
Some of the male nominees that Rain Bitch considered were; Horsefli DriveBi, Pee Wee, Dick the Boy Wonder, Ass Grabber, Geek and Hooter Bill. Rain decided to chose the recipient by asking football questions. The potential recipients had a series of questions to answer. Surprisingly, Horsefli was out earlier than expected. The final two in the competition came down to Pee Wee and Ass Grabber. In the end, it was Ass Grabber that won the coveted prize.
Rain decided to celebrate the decorating of the body of the beneficiary of the PooperBowl in a different manner than the givers of the last few years. She made Ass Grabbers body a canvas for her paints. She painted a story of the trail on Ass Grabber’s body by painting the trail with a blue bayou, green grass , brown dirt and black train tracks. She revealed the story of the trail as she painted the picture on Ass Grabber. In the end though, her hands could not resist Ass Grabbers body and the paint got smeared from head to toe. Extra yellow paint ended on his head, to accentuate his blonde crop. Being too much for the pack to resist, any leftover foods also seemed to make it on Ass Grabbers’ body. A special batch of hot Picante Sauce made it down his shorts. Congratulations to our new PooperBowl King!
The cars were a short walk from the ending, and the on-on-on was equally as close. The hare chose “The Distillery” for our Superbowl viewing bar. After a wash off, Ass Grabber met us at the bar.
Hashers, just remember that now this is “Be nice to Ass Grabber ” year.
on-on to Red Dress Run.
Respectfully submitted,
Old Faithful