Last years Feastivus, unofficial trail of the year 2010, was the unofficial trail of the year for 2010. This hasher is a little biased: it was my first H4 run and managed to earn a name that day singing a certain punk song on a stage with chicken wire.

Good times.

This year’s run had a lot to live up to, for me at least. The pack met north again around the same area as last year. The difference there was no rain to keep the run cool and the creeks raging. Not to worry there were a few water crossings on trail. The first water crossing wasn’t really much of a water crossing at all. There was water but it was more of an accent to the deep thick mud that lay underneath. It didn’t take that much time shed the 5 extra pounds per foot we were suddenly running with. Maybe its a sign that I’m going crazier or I’m finally a hasher but the last few shiggy runs have featured terrain that looks similar. Parts of the trail seemed familiar but I’m pretty they weren’t. There were a couple circle jerks, and nice shady areas. There as tasty summer beer and plenty of times to cool off. I don’t know about you but that hill at that last water crossing was soul crushing. It was, at that time, high, wet, muddy and nothing to hold on to. Too top it off, no pun intended, there was another 10 foot hill at the top of that hill you couldn’t see from the bottom. Now that my soul was crushed the hares just wound up and all 5 hit me square in the beans. Well played you magnificent pieces of shit.

After some more shiggy the back half of the pack of the back half of the pack came upon Manstruation and Hole in 1 cradling an injured fawn. The fawn had been spooked by the pack and ran past ICP and ran straight into a tree. The injuries were a lot more intensive than what running into a tree would do. As it being a residential area I assume it was hit by car as we weren’t far from the road. Unlaiden Swallows(veterinarian to the stars!) took one look and knew its time was short.

Not a group to let the imminent death of Bambi let them the down the pack enjoyed the rain that met us after the run had ended. Another Feastivus, another bit of rain. Damn it felt good. I can’t remember if circle had happened or not but Tender Vittles, who had probably run 10 miles while on trail, came out the bush with Bambi. He had brought it in with the hopes of calling someone to come save it. No dice. The circle got a little squeamish but the show must go on. ICP got called out for being a Bambi Killer. Someone proposed to give him a Feastivus only name of Red Dawn. The hares provided tons of water balloons for the pack to fight with. I think the balloons lasted 45 seconds, tops. You are vicious beasts when it comes to making each other wet. The circle kept imploding with all the craziness you’d expect from these hares. Anytime you pack a pinata with tequila you’re asking for a little disorderly conduct in the best way.

Bouncy races ensued and so do the hilarity. We are a competitive bunch! Dangle tried to race one of the harriettes which brought on a pack of wild hounds to tackle him and beat him mercilessly with his own ball. Eventually one of the balls broke and ended up on SPF’s head which seems to be a beacon for has artifacts. With that done we went to the On After which guaranteed karaoke!

Westfield on the Tracks or whatever its called has a new name. I don’t know what it is but I can get you there, I think. As with every karaoke no talent hacks murder popular songs and everyone loves it. I had a blast, thanks hares!

Just Kate did her best imitation of Biz Markie singing Madonna’s Like a Prayer and killed it. Not only did she add a little thug to the singing she beatboxed her way into a naming. Said beatboxing amazed everyone in the bar. Dogs ran from miles away to track down the sweet music that brought them there. A baby was born in the crowd, it was magical. McPisser seized the moment and gave her not the name of BeatBox but MeatBox. To me she’ll always be SkeetBox by the way she was making love to that microphone. Holy shit!

A$$Wipe got the crowd going with a rendition of Rhinestone Cowboy. Snatch sang Just a Gigolo/I Ain’t Got Nobody which also had the bar singing along. The love of my life Hole in 1 took the stage and just days after Amy Winehouse dying she decided to sing her song Rehab.

All in all the trail was great, the On After was another classic. Great job Snatchattarius, Pussy Checker, Menage Myself, Smooth
Stroker and Nibble My Tits