Hares: Horsefli Drivebi, Insane Clown Pussy, Androgymouth
Well, well, well… You’re back. You’ve been gone for a while. I was beginning to wonder if I’d ever see you again. You chose a good time to come back.
What can I say about this weeks hash that hasn’t already been said? To start off, we had two virgin hares laying trail with Horsefli. Should’ve known that some sort of sh*t was gonna go down. Second, we were hashing in Missouri City; always a sketchy thing to do.
The trail started like most do, in a parking lot. The trail was pretty nice. It included two clothes checks, the first one had Reverse Cowboy and I F*cked Your Dad switching shirts, titty tassels and all. The second one had Platter Puss and his little blonde friend switch shorts.
The hares also provided the pack with not one, but TWO, waterless water crossings. The good thing about the second waterless crossing is that it was really close to a beer check. A beer check that Ass Grabber thought was a BACK check, sending him deep in to some thorny woods instead of enjoying a tasty beverage. It was at the beer check that Lube Job had his bike stolen by Estres, who only rode about 50 yards before he realized his legs couldn’t reach the pedals and abandoning it.
At some point I was told that Dangleberries caught the hares but since no one else was around, it could be false.
After trail, the pack was brought tasty daiquiri treats by Dick the Boy Wonder and a keg of lone star. The hares were called in for their crimes and virgin lays. Here CreamOnMyBack and another hasher tried to be sneaky in order to de-flour the virgins, but they were about as quiet as a elephant getting it on with your mother.
Now here’s the fun part. Halfway though circle, being led by McPisser (when it should’ve been Roller Balls), the Misery City Police showed up. We thought we were in a safe abandoned area of town, but since the police down there have nothing better to do, they found us. The broke up our circle and caused a great deal of stress to the hashers, threatening to tow our vehicles and make us deal with designated drivers. Of all things! They didn’t realize that we are professional drinkers. Anyway, many people like Puke and Tiny Bubbles were called and lent a hand to the stranded hashers. Thanks guys!
After the whole ordeal, the On-On-On was held at the Kozy Korner, where the bartender had some of the biggest cans I’ve ever seen. I mean, seriously, who knew Lone Star came in a 72 ounce bucket. Some of the kids that went to BestFest joined us but only ICP was brave enough to come after such a crazy time with the cops. The bar provided some delicious enchiladas and some sloppy joes to go along with the hashers getting sloppy. After a bunch of Lone Stars, Reverse Cowboy and CumOnIWannaLayYa bought a round of “NewYork MutherF*ckers” and I knew it was time to leave.
It was a shitty trail followed by some shitty cops. Great job guys.
On-On