Hares:  Platter-Puss, AssSwipe, Guest Hare Ez to Please and Twinkletoes

(picture courtesy of C.C.)

What a fantastic day for a Red Dress Run with such a large group of hashers.  I think the final number was 99 total hashers including quite a few reboots and more than enough new boots.  One particularly awesome reboot was Hash Royalty, Miss TXIH Ez to Please, in from Boston.  We also had Semper Pie visit us from San Antonio!!!!  The pack met up at the Flying Saucer for some Texas Pints prelubing and by the time I got there, I could tell I had missed out.  The place was packed.  It was so full that half of the hashers had to hang out on the patio in their pretty red dresses while the hares “finalized their plans”(drank).  At one point a few police officers pulled up and tried to arrest some people for soliciting.  Luckily Pull The Plug went over and told the cops that we didn’t charge for our services.  They warned us that we needed to follow the lights and avoid jay-walking.  We did.  For one block.  Or until they all left.

The trail led us in and around downtown and I was lucky enough to be just far behind the front of the pack that every check was solved by the time I got there.  We ran down towards Discovery Green where a bunch of kids and their parents were witness to the sexy legs and lacy ladies.  I heard a bunch of laughs and saw WAY too many cameras as we ran around.  I did get some nice compliments on my purse though.

As we left downtown and headed out to the east, a bunch of hashers figured out that the ending would be the old grain silos used many times recently.  How ironic that a bunch of men in dresses feel comfortable hanging around some big silos.  I doubt they were filled with grain…

The hares provided a great keg of Karbach and a keg of Lone Star.  The visiting Brass Monkeys had a cooler full of Brass Monkeys and as soon as some hashers knew it, I saw cups being emptied as they begged for that delicious orange nectar.  There was a competition for the best dressed men and women.  I F*cked Your Dad came in second for the women for her awesome little hats and her cartwheels but it was Hole In One’s lap around the circle that won her the coveted beer tasting.  As for the men, ICP was so eager to win the prize that he actually got himself waxed AND a mani/pedi.  I think he was wearing a pair of Slap Dat Ass’s undies and I saw more man parts than I wanted.  That being said, congratulations to ICP for winning the other tasting.  I tried my hardest by running topless like Hole in One, but it just didn’t have the same effect.

After that, Just Miriam was called in for a potential naming and she came out with the name Weapons Of Mass-Terbation.  We also named Just Dillan(?) “Mommies Little Accident” after having his car hit more than once at the same location.

The two kegs were finished and the hashers piled into the back of The Golden Dildo (Twinkle’s Van) and we were taken back to the Saucer to continue our Red Dress Festivities.  There were beers had, a shot or two of Bushmills courtesy of Donnie the Retard and chess games played.  All in All a great day.

Thanks hares for such a shitty trail.  My dress is ruined because of you.

On-On,

Dick Assley