Hares:  Ass Grabber & Will He Peter

A very rainy morning yielded a cloudy and comfortable afternoon, which found hounds and harriettes convening beside Petsmart in the Heights. The hares promised turkey, eagle, and walkers’ trails, and the rain made them all almost impossible to follow. The pack was forced to cooperate to find the eventual On In, and there was not even a beer check for encouragement en route. Nevertheless, the pack departed chalk talk looking for a rainbow’s spectrum of chalk and browned-out dough. Trail led first past the famous Houston giant presidential head sculpture company. Head, who said cranium? After chasing down a compass’s worth of false leads, true trail was finally found across the railroad tracks. The pack continued south until they arrived at the Memorial pedestrian trail. Here things got complicated, as trail paralleled flour 8 days old, left over from the pre-Hashmas trail. 

Close attention to detail traced the fresher flour east to a check beneath Memorial. From here, hounds ranged far and wide until flour was found leading further east along the bayou. At Houston avenue, hashers sped through a piss-soaked tunnel to cross into some urban shiggy. After passing the police and fire stations, trail plunged into the ghetto where the pack met many of their colorful residents. After some simple but worn checks were communally solved, cries of “On On!” were heard to the north, where trail terminated at last at the Heights hike/bike trail underneath the I-10 / I-45 interchange. This made for a wonderfully shaded (and trespassy) On In, although it was not required for the weather. It was slightly loud, however, and condoms were littered all about. They were used, the hares had already checked. This did not preclude On In arrivals from enjoying some St. Arnold’s Amber Ale, McPisser changing his shorts, and Just Chealsea and Just Mike from cleaning up after their mid-trail mud fight. After an interminable time waiting for walkers and DFLs, circle was allowed to begin.

Duly erected Religious Advisor Ramrod got things started with the hares, although Ass Grabber was suspiciously absent. Virgins followed, featuring ultimate mixed-martial arts mud fighter Just Mike and local curious residents Just Shalone and Just Kevin, whom Horsefli Driveby had just invited over. Visitors featured the likes of newly-minted Mosquito hashers Fruit Hauler and her sweet baboo Tortilla Pad. They shared their favorite I Can’t Believe It’s Not Mexico song, My Cock’ll Choke Ya. Reboots included Cheap Dirty Hole, Tale of Two Titties, EZ Fag, Dipshit, and Clit Tortoise. They had been absent from trail for being r@cist and attending NAMBLA meetings. In special analversary news, Whale Tale and Manwich earned their 69^th and 25^th trail tags, respectively, and Shigmata celebrated his first plate at the Flying Saucer Draught Emporium. At last usual business was complete and accusations could begin.

As usual, the hares drank first for using children’s (virtually invisible) chalk on trail. Pedophile approved! Just Mike and Just Chelsea were recognized for their mud wrestling, and proximity to breasts. Although they were not flashed, everyone enjoyed the swinging tits.Dipshit drank for playing kick-the-can for a whole mile, coming out soon for the Wii U. Apropos of nothing, the words Vampire Cunnilingus appear in the On Sec’s notes. Name someone that! Just Chelsea was called in again, for her…unique…top which appeared to show three bloody nipples, just like a real Zulu warrior. Cheap Dirty Hole drank dishonorably for giving her his sweater, which completely obscured all her underwear. A naming of Sweater Puppies was thence attempted, but fell flaccid. However, as she got more drunk, more buttons became undone on her pullover. Thanks, it’s a cardigan. Sensing the pack had more to offer, the RA allowed another naming attempt, this time on Just Julie. For her gaunt figure and fire-breathing, patrician countenance, she was mistaken for Cruella Deville, villain of canine Disney cartoonography. This time, a sucksessful name of 101 Donations was landed. Cuntratulations! True virgin Just Shalone was recognized again, for being more cooperative than any new boot in memory and actually pouring beer on her head. Also, she suffered a quadruple creepy uncle onslaught. No less than Geek, Roadkill, Muscle Phart, and Heartache hadmade ineffectual entreaties, to introduce themselves at her. After Intercuntinental Ballistic Miss Hole drank for trying to sell used condoms to bums, it was time to swing low and GTFO.

ON AFTER

The On After was at re:HAB, the Houston Avenue Bar, mere blocks from the On In. Cheap beer and hare-cooked food abounded. It was so tits.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

• Did you think this trash sucked? Do something about it by laying an interesting trail. You can start as early as January 13!

• Mosquito trail Wednesday, 6:30PM at Sam’s Club in Katy.

• Pre-Festivus Pub Crawl on Saturday night.

On On, me droogies

Your ‘umble narrator

Whale’s Vagina

H4 On Sec