Courtesy of: Dickrectionally Challenged, Horsefli Drivebi, Spin Cycle, and Just James

How do you like your Campbells? Here at the H4 Diner (owned by Bob Wyer!) they are only served scrambled. This was the fourth one, another promise of shiggy trail and pool ending. After navigating the I-45 parking lot, imprecise Google d’erections, and sporadic sky sprinkles, hashers arrived in Pasadena prepared for a testing trail. They had boob checks and package checks to look forward to, and a beer relatively near mark to fear. Once everyone had enough time to build up a good sweat standing on hot asphalt, the hares released the pack. Flour led directly through the location adjacent to the start where many hounds relieved their bladders before trail. A piss-poor trail right away! Trail made a quick circle jerk back to the parking lot, where HD was waiting patiently and hornily next to the first boob check. Here, surprisingly, many harriettes proved themselves not to be prudes and lifted shirts with a modicum of modesty.

Flour progressed down a sunny, grassy easement thence across a dry skeeter breeder to the first beer check. From there, toilet paper led the pack through some proper shiggy, strewn as it was with strong vines, sharp thorns, and razor grass. Winding through the cattails and across some disquietingly warm, but gator free, water, flour led to the second beer check. Lagging hounds were treated to walkers’ brew: water. Some communal check solving admitted the pack across a power line easement and finally to the neighborhood of the Campbell HQ. Tracing gluten down the concrete ditch, hashers at last arrived at the beer. Here there was nourishing food, cold drinks, a shower and of course the pool. How big was the pool? Well it wasn’t big enough to satisfy everyone, but you could say it was comfortably adequate. Once everyone had a chance to pee in the pool (disquietingly warm water again…) it was time for circle!

CIRCLE

Electing to stay dry and repeat his performance from the previous week, duly erected Religious Advisor Platterpuss commanded his circle as a stage on the deck with the audience in the water. He got everyone’s attention first with the bum-titty-bum song, and even Booby Trap got the motions right! Naturally, the hares drank first for their shitty, abominable trail. At this point, Shigmata got the On-Sec a beer. May all his exhaust notes be sweet and sonorous. At this point, 50 Shades of Gay made a jackass of himself by jumping into the pool (the first of many times) to splash everyone. If this guy were more of a jackass, he would poop indiscriminately, but even more so. For your convenience, virgins are summarized below in Table 1.

Table 1 – H4 1858 Virgins

Then the notes got splashed, writing was hard, veracity not guaranteed! For your convenience, reboots are summarized below in Table 2.

Table 2 – H4 1858 Reboots

Geek & Lorna celebrated 19 years of wedded bliss. That’s a lot of towel-racking. Grind Slut celebrated 24 years of hashing, his liver hasn’t divorced him yet. Mister Chode’s Wild Ride leveled up to Dr. Chode’s Wild Ride. After Slut Slinger sang about how greater Austin is than Houston (it is – they have boat parties!), it was finally time for accusations. EZ Chair, having lost her sunglasses on trail and subjecting her eyes to the deleterious effects of Texas sunshine, thought Geek looked “half cool” in his new shades. They were her own. Que bimbo! Just Jane aided in the food buying for trail, even advising DC on which aisle everything was on at HEB. Mad honorables to her! Noted oenophile Krazy Puppy was recognized for being crazy enough to think yummy ≠ beer. Well, piss beer is pretty hoppy, right? For some reason, Speedbumps had a boob-off with Brrrggghhh. He lost. The circle won. Fashion maven Shigmata was called out for being a never-nude, rocking his jorts. At least they protect his four-skin. Vanilla Starfish was accused of having the world’s cheapest tit-job, or cheapest personal floatation device: water balloons in her sports bra. After an unsuccessful chicken fight, there was a successful pool-flushing to the tune of the Zulu warriors.

Jack Off The Rigor drank for tying up ATV‘s top too well. He is skilled at trussing up stiff broads, after all. For not getting in the pool for the second week in a row, very brave good sport Just Victoria was granted the moniker Red Vag of Courage. Now she can quit her job at the Kotex Factory. Not to be outdone, wayward stepchild Just James was named next as Ginger Positioning System. Who doesn’t need a little guidance? Is it in yet? Inexplicably, the next line in the notes says “Dr. Coochie loves W’s V.” Back atcha, baby. After Double Mint Cum demonstrated his pool twerking acumen, it was time for the government-mandated public service announcement: Your Roomba can choke on panties left on the ground. It could happen to you! During all this, a certain rebooted harriette was bravely swimming around topless while wearing Coney as a disguise. That’s how you make a comeback! After EZ Fag drank for his frankly fetching muumuu, it was obviously ultra lame territory. Circle was concluded after Attack of the Thriller Potatoes suffered a “brown out” in the pool. Time to swing low and GTFO like never before!

ON ON ON

Apparently the post-trail party was off the hook. Like a phone. Phones used to go on hooks. Now they accompany you to the shitter.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

• PC Trail tuesday: Do you love verbal abuse, and despise boob checks?

• Wednesday – G’s Birthday Choir Practice, with T shirts.

• Next Wednesday – Booby Trap lays the Mosquito. Then trail.

THIS WEEK IN HASHTORY

• 1903 – Birth of G!

• 1988 – Founding of Flour City (Rochester) NY H3

• 2012 – Juices Flowing dreams of Spot On The Mat. Who doesn’t?