Hares: Wad to Blow and Who the F*ck Are You
Click the image for more pictures (shot by VE) from Run #1596. More images by McPisser can be found here (registration required). Images from Grind Slut can be found here.
The shameless plugging of Wad to Blow and Who The Fuck Are You seemed to work. Numerous hounds showed up for what was an hour and a half drive for some people (Santa Claus). The excitement that these two were now officially back to hashing after having sweet little Larkin made everyone happy. Plus the promise of a NEW, GREAT LOCAL BREW made us all come running too!
Start was at Hwy. 1488 just off I-45 at 2:45. WTFAY wasted no time in getting us on trail, as you will learn later, and gave a brief chalk talk. Off we went behind the Dosey Doe Café into a field. Some of us shortcutted and headed towards the water tower and caught up to the pack at a check that took a while to figure out. Behind some apartments (outside the fence this time…so no crazy rent-a-cops on bikes came after us) we ran and onto a trail that led behind numerous houses. We finally headed off the trail a ways down and great googly moogly, the shiggy had arrived!
Trail finally came out of the shiggy to cross back over Hwy. 1488. We ran into Just Ryan, our new boot for the day who was left behind by his “good pal” I Am Cumstain…..great friend dude! Anyway, we realized we were walking (yes people, that’s about all we could do at this point because I had just about munched it several times, so we gave up on running) through what we decided to call “the tropical paradise in hell”! It was actually pretty damn cool! We just didn’t realize that we would be seeing this for the rest of the….oh I don’t know….6 mile trail! Anyway, we came up to a fence and climbed over it and ventured onward!
We came out of the shiggy and to an open field where we had caught up to the middle of the pack. They seemed to be stuck at a check. So Just Ryan and I ventured out to the extreme right across a water bridge. Finally I hear him yell “I see a mark”, and he was our hero! So ON ON we went down a well-packed trail from what looked like a bunch of ATV’s, and finally came to some water crossings.
Now, I can’t exactly explain to you how many actual water crossings there were, cause it felt like I was in the water all day! However, I could hear Mama’s Boy and Will He Peter ahead of us helping people down a nasty hill and into the river. Because I LOVE to pick on I Am Cumstain, this was the funniest part of the day, especially when it was a LONG trail and we were all starting to get exhausted! We can see Grind Slut across the other side on the hill taking pictures of everyone as they crossed. Slummy and I were walking across the water together, and heard this scream, and then laughter erupt. Seems IAC kind of found one of those big “drops” in the riverbed and went for a nice cold swim! As we love to tease him on his Beavis…or is it Butthead imitations? Let’s just say he did a good one when he went under the water and came out screaming like one of them! Oh the joys of water crossings!
Okay, so after coming out of the water and back up the hill, enduring the “Oh Jesus” thorns (which I have now officially renamed to the “Oh F*ck” thorns) we had to be near the end right? Nope, that’s when we found the Deer stands. As it was starting to get a little dark, we all started to jog in the areas that we could. Of course, WTFAY had decided we were nowhere near the end. About another mile to go, with more thorns, water crossings, sandy beaches to get all dirty in (that was fun though!), we finally spot PeeWee up ahead of us. Once seeing PeeWee, I knew we were near the end. Well, sort of! We had at least another ¾ mile walk in to the end, which was under an I-45 underpass.
I was never so happy to see the end of a run! With about 30 gash marks on my legs from the “OH F*ck!” thorns, I went straight for the water to clean off and put on some much needed dry cloths. And then I had the BEER!
Circle pretty much got going right away since it was pretty dark. Lorna Dunes kept walking around the circle with Wad To Blow asking if any of us had seen Hooter Bill out on trail. None of us could say yes, and most just assumed he had headed back to the car and was going to drive to the ending. After a while, Goldiloxxx came in and said he left Hooter about a mile back. What the F*CK??
So McPisser, being the great hasher he is, went back out on trail and found Hooter almost a mile back wandering around aimlessly for any marks on trail. McP guided him to the end where he was greeted with a “hash tunnel” that he ran under to finally finish the trail from HELL!!
After a while, the beer got finished and the ON ON ON was announced. I’m still too tired to remember the name, but I’m sure everyone had a great time! How can you not when you get to hang with Wad to Blow and Who The Fuck Are You?
Fantastic trail to the hares! One I’m sure I won’t forget for a LONG time! Neither will my itchy legs! On On peeps!
Faithfully submitted and ON-ON,
— 8″ Crack
And now, Hooter’s version…
Start was at the Dosey Doe coffee shop on FM 1488 & I-45, north of Houston, just past the Woodlands. Forests: Jones State Forest, then someone else’s forest, where a few (not Hooter) got stopped by irate ownerman. Hooter’s memories, after getting separated from Goldiloxx at the river: crossing the West Fork of the San Jacinto River (white sandy beaches), a couple of kyaks (spelling? canoes?) silently gliding down the river past Hooter Bill (it looked so easyyyy).
And then it got DARK. Blue (biodegradable) flagging becoming invisible in the dark. Dark hulking deer blinds along grassy easement that opened up finally, widening into large field and more blinds, five-sided tall house, sandy road leading to a dead end by dark rocks in the dark that moved and went moo (cows), another sandy road leading toward lights of I-45 in the far distance, running into McPisser, out searching for Hooter, & trotting into the end under I-45 at end of three hours, with welcoming arch of hashers for Hooter.
— Hooter Bill
Grind Slut also had this interesting thing to say about the thorns on trail:
One of yesterday’s trail features, especially the second half of trail, was the abundance of low-hanging tree limbs covered in inch-long wicked thorns. If you’ve been wondering what kind of plant that was, it is the trifoliate orange. Non-native to the U.S., it was brought here centuries ago for use as a rootstock for citrus orchards, since the trifoliate orange is much hardier to cold weather than most other citrus varieties. In fact it is still used in the present day for this purpose.
The problem is that when the grafted citrus dies due to disease or freezing weather, the trifoliate keeps on living and becomes its own tree, and puts out loads of seeds. Now, hundreds of years later, the feral trifoliates have gotten loose and have infested the countryside, providing hours of enjoyment for shiggy lovers.
Check out this link and this link for more info.
This public service announcement brought to you by GS