Run #940 - Perfect Hash or AggieHell?

Hares x Weather x Location

large knowledgeable pack x new boots x visitors x auto hashers

= a perfect Hash...

The key variable, in the formula above is the HARES. Manhandler and Saran Crap certainly proved their metal. The Pack is also a large factor in the equation. I believe their total number was in the mid seventies. The large number of re-boots was a credit to both the hares and to the bright, warm sunny day.

The Large Pack could have been the hares un-doing . Manhandler and Saran Crap couldn’t possibly have known all the stars were going to align on the day of their hash and cause half dead hounds to rise from their watery grave and bay on trail again. Unfortunately for the hares, these hounds refuse to enter watery caverns for fear of being swallowed up and returned to their swampy grave. These hounds are not equally averse to BEER. To their credit Manhandler and Saran Crap didn’t try to out-run the dead, they stuck to their trail and simply out-smarted the Impatient BEER Ghouls.

The Weather and trail allowed the pack a mix of bayou, street and park running bordering on nirvana. The Start was in a parking lot a the SE corner of Beltway 8 and I-10. winding through several parking lots I saw flour and for a split second thought that maybe they had pre-laid their supposedly live Hare run. With a larger than average turn-out, an extra shag wagon had to be hustled up.

The Pack was off after a ten minute head start for the Hares. Trail looped through the parking lot and then dived into a concrete drainage tunnel beside the highway. At this point a group of wankers (short cutting bastards) decided they would find the beer without plunging into the watery gloom. Personally, I love tunnels. This one wasn’t quite tight enough, but the degree of wetness and length made up for this small deficiency.

The tunnel emerged in the daylight on the opposite side of the beltway and trail proceeded south through neighborhoods and along the bayou. A check in a school yard stymied several of the FRB’s- Gonad the Barbarian, Hog Straddler, and Shuttlecock until the pack caught up. It was then across Memorial Dr. and into the neighborhood again. At this point I was running with one of the hare’s spouse - Cums Daily. She was whining about her hubby laying trail in the streets, when there was plenty of perfectly good shiggy about. Not wishing to listen to this for very long I caught up to Pinball. She seemed to be perfectly content to run along, parallel to the pack and hope the trail came back to her. Unfortunately for both of us, trail turned away and we both had hustle to join the pack again.

The trail at this point entered the park/arboretum. This territory had last been covered during the Sticky Lips-PP- Fire Tunnel run. Although a lost dog did not join us on this run, it is good ground for trail. The On-Home was beside a Veterinary clinic (appropriate, since both the Hares are Aggies) and a dominos pizza.

The hounds, including Lube Job, who had short-cutted, actually beat the hares to the end. Since they hadn’t been on trail they didn’t catch the hares for a de-pantsing. Before the ceremonies got under way, the Hares sprung for pizza, there must have been a gazillion of them. Every time a poor delivery person arrived they were swarmed by hounds eager to get a bite, some even wanted pizza…

The Down-downs commenced with Rollerballs filling in for our traveling RA- Dickhead. Saran Crap was doused with floor to honor his first hare with the Houston Hash House Harriers . There were numerous reboots, including several of the previously mentioned short cutting bastards. Tonka Fuck and Yeasty Boy auto hashed, as did Boy George (who arrived with Wild Bill from Austin). Also visiting was Puke? or was he a re-boot?

The only accusations I can remember are a racing down-down for Gonad and an accusation to me, Cadaver Diver, about being overly fond of dogs. The circle un-ceremoniously degenerated without a mass chorus of Swing Low. Several Hashers did sing including of course Boy George. I feel that there has not been enough singing of late and long for the "good old days", when randy hash men would serenade bar maids until they kicked us out at closing time. Unfortunately I have a very poor memory and can never remember the words.

Although I didn t go to the ON-ON-ON, my informants tell of many pitchers and fantastic time. I would have gone, but my recent brushes with the law have left me lighter of wallet and mare cognizant of my alcoholic limits. Since there was an excellent turn out for this run the Hares supplied at least 7 free pitchers of Beer. Hopefully there was a little singing, some raunchy stories, and much debauchery. That’s it for last week’s run. This trash will be posted at the H4 Winterfest Feb. 8 1997. All H4 really needs are Hares and hounds. There have been many awesome Trails, several shitty Trails and a couple of death marches this last year, so vote for your faves. I hope everyone enjoys the Trail, food, Beer and band at the party.