Upon arrival of the hare “Heartache” asked, “Is this really going to be like a hash in Malaysia?” Well said “Grind Slut”, “To be honest with you I’ve never hashed in Malaysia.” So much for the great expectations right!  I can tell you one thing however, the thing this hash DID have in common (and maybe the only thing) with a hash in Malaysia was the heat, man was it hot! 

Somewhere around 5:30 or so “Grind” decided that it was time to get this thing underway. Now you  know I can’t let this slip by without bitching about it and as all long as I have to write the Trash because none of you other lazy Son-of-a-Bitches will I am going to bitch about it. DON’T FUCKING PUT ON THE HASH LINE THAT IT’S A FUCKING 5:00 PROMPT START IF YOUR NOT GOING TO FUCKING START IT AT 5:00!!! Contrary to belief I don’t like standing out in the hot sun sweating my balls off and recharging my solar panel waiting for you morons to show up fashionable late. There I feel better, if you don’t want to here me bitch about it again next week, volunteer to do the write up. 

Our hare advised us that he had somehow managed to lay the first ever imaginary check in hash history. This imaginary check, we were told, was a mile straight down the dirt road that lay in front of us, yes I said a mile down the road at the bridge. Malaysian style hash my ass!  

The FRB’s must have thought they had died and gone to heaven, a mile run straight down a dirt road . . . whoever said there isn’t racing on the hash? Of course “Estrus” was the first to brag after the run how he was one of the first to the bridge, but then again we have grown to expect this sort of gloating from him haven’t we. . . more down-down for this criminal!  

Over the bridge it was on left into what could have been some great shiggy if the rain God’s had participated and dropped about 4 inches the day before. Still it was good running criss crossing back and forth across the creek, (loved hearing the girls scream as they sunk in the quick mud up to their ???). There were also numerous spider webs not to mention the gigantic spiders within them that had to be negotiated throughout the run. I do believe the hare was extra careful not to disturb any of these mass webbing’s so we would hit them straight on while at full speed. Fortunately not being a FRB I settled in nicely with a pack consisting of “Ball Grabber”, “Smelly Trench” Luna, Paula and Mindy . . . eat your hearts out FRB’s you don’t know what your missing.  

The trail was excellently laid, plenty of flour, and good checks. Even had one BEE check which I mistook to read BEER check, SHIT! By the time I had figured it out I was looking straight up into a huge knot hole in the side of the tree containing mass quantities of hungry bee’s . . . talk about making tracks!  By this time “Ball Grabber” had found trail so we continued on. We crossed the creek once again, this time enjoying the scenic view of a nice green layer of something coating the stagnate water . . . nice stuff! On across to another check which seemed to give us more trouble than the previous ones. Once again “Ball Grabber” wondered upon trail and we were headed for our final water crossing. This one truly had an endless bottom of the gooey muddy stuff on the bottom and Luna was having a heck of a time trying to keep from sinking entirely out of site. We watched her long enough to see that her head wasn’t going under then left her to survive on her on. Nice trail running until we finally hit the opening behind the dam. On up to the top where the On-On was visible. Down the steps and a short run in to the beer. Hashers kept coming in for quite a while including the likes of “Pinball”. I later found out why she was so late. Seems she decided that since she was running in mother natures woods she should run as mother nature would have preferred, naked! Yet another reason not to be an FRB . . . you can really miss out on some interesting stuff in the back of the pack. Unfortunately by the time she arrived on home she had her clothes back on. She was also the proud owner of a turtle shell, which the pack of hash dogs enjoyed entertaining themselves with while there owners guzzled down beer or foam depending on which keg you were drawing out of.  

“Slumbag” circled us up despite the Walkers still being out on trail. Nobody seemed worried about them except for “Geek”. Seems he was worried silly about “Lorna Dunes” being lost out there with “Keezer the Sleezer”, isn’t it nice to see that love still flourishes on the hash! The major census was fuck them, the circle must go on. “Grind Slut” got his down-down for a fine hash and managing to keep the walkers out twice as long as the runners. Other down-down’s included two New Boots, eight Reboots, three Transfers and one Visitor, “John Smith”. Does he really expect us to believe that’s his real name . . . come on now you can be a little more creative than that! The Walkers finally did make it in and we felt it appropriate that we make a tunnel for them to run through. It broke up the circle but then again it was about time to do that anyway. Many ignored going to the on-on which was at the Dam Ice House so they could stick around and drink foam out of the second kegger. A grand total of about 8 of us made it including the late arriving hare. I strongly suggest that if anybody is planning another On-On-On there you reconsider. . . I don’t think they like us. How low can you be when even a biker bar doesn’t like you! 

Other than the fact that I didn’t much care for that mile run at the beginning in the hot sun, or the late start, or the bee check, or the foamer keg, or the spider webs, or the spiders, or the On-On-On I thought it was a pretty good hash!   Thanks “Grind” for that truly  “MALAYSIAN” style hash??? ON-ON “BALD EAGLE”  

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