As the run started, I guzzled my pre-hash fluid, and took off after the back of the pack. ….Little did I realize the hares had secretly spiked my last brew with a mysterious hash potion….. . . it transformed me from a carefree hound into someone I’ll call “Altered Me” (after one of the bastard hares,). “This has to be an A – to – A run. Brew-U wants to sell beer, right? Hey, I’m a smart hound! I know where their silly little trail’s going! It’s a circle and I can shortcut!” The trail started out westward down Westpark, down the required railroad tracks, only to come to a long-ass FALSE. Altered Me: “I’m a great hasher! I know where the trail ends, I’m going to short cut this bastard!” I followed Shuttle Cock, south into some cutesy West U neighborhood, as the know nothing pack headed back down Westpark. Altered Me: “Ha! I’m the greatest….. Shuttle’s a master hasher and we’re smarter than the hares!” As master SCB’s, we headed back east a couple of blocks south of Westpark, until we hit Edloe. We found the pack scattered about the Summit. We skirted the Summit and headed east along Richmond. Shuttle split off and headed toward the I-59 feeder just after Buffalo Speedway. Altered Me: “Ha, ha, ha! This Shuttle’s a fool! I should have never followed him. It’s still a circle back to Brew-U. Why’d he follow that know nothing pack? No matter, I know where the trail’s going!” I continued down Richmond towards Kirby. Ahead, I could see runners crossing Richmond heading north across Kirby. Altered Me: “I’m right! There they go! They’re headed north, it’s still going to circle back to Brew-U”. I short cut up to Alabama and continued to head east….. Altered Me: “I’ll cut off the pack, and be in front! I’ll show them I’m a master hasher!” …that was the last I saw of the Pack! I ran into “Bald Eagle” coming towards me. Altered Me: “See! Now they know! I’m the greatest!” Altered Me: “Hey Bald Eagle, they’re going back to Brew-U, I know it, let’s just head back”. “Bald Eagle”, Smelly Trench” and I bummed a ride…after getting directions from the bartender at Brew-U. We slithered into Altered’s backyard. I sheepishly told Shuttle, who’d been in for several minutes, without Auto-hashing, “Hey! I ran an hour! What difference does it make where I went. Nobody cares when “Geek” does it!” Altered Me (one last gasp!): “You showed them!” “Box Lunch” and “High Maintenance” did a Down Down for being called “bimbo’s” by some Cop directing traffic near the Summit…. Let’s see here? They’re running for beer, he’s standing there directing traffic…. Which would you pick? “Box Lunch” was heard, yelling at the Cop, “I’m 50 years Old! Do you think I’m going to get run over by a CAR?!” “Hooter got excited in the circle when he noticed some woman in a second story window in the house behind the backyard where we had the circle was, gazing down on him, holding a boby…. And was promptly awarded a Down Down. The most important thing in the circle was the announcement of the new Religious Advisor. It seems our beloved “Slumbag” is moving to Austin. “Slum” announced that “Tonka Fuck” will be the new RA! …WE MISS YOU SCHLUMMY! The hares had great brew and also had BBQ chicken and some other good stuff I missed out on! They really did a great job! “Bump Slut” showed off a road kill rabbit in the circle, about 30 minutes after everyone said “Icky, get it out of here you brut!” a “skinned” rabbit appeared on the Barbee! The On On On was (finally!) back at Brew-U.
Everyone agreed it had been a grand day and were ready to enjoy the fine
establishment’s best ales. The food by the hares had been excellent and a new brew
was just the right aperitif. |
SCREAMING ALTERED BALLS HASH SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 1997 RUN
# 983 VENUE: BREW-U HARES: “BLUE BALLS”, “ALTERED BOY”, & “I
SCREAM”