I arrived at the Mother's Day Hash to find most of the hashers huddled in the shade at the corner of the Black Eyed Pea parking lot. Half Moon and Limp Noodle were busy trying to convince people to hand over pictures of their mothers while Such-a-puss was busy trying to convince people that jumping out of an air plane for a mere $200 was a great deal. After much encouragement from our hares - mismanagement - we ventured into the sunshine and were off on the so-called arboreal trail. I think that means there was supposed to be trees. The Run The pack started off together through uneven ground but quickly split up. It seems that Ass-grabber and some guy from the Ural Mountains - don't ask, you had to be there - shorted cutted around all the fun stuff and stayed on the pavement. The rest of us followed a false to a bank then realized it was into the shiggy we go. The shiggy had all good shiggy components; shrubs, brambles, poison oak; but could not be considered USDA choice shiggy - no mud. Anyway we left the forest only to find ourselves on of all things a concrete trail. Well the pack headed down it - there was no place else to go - at least so we thought. After about a quarter mile we realized our hares had not let us down after all and we got to go through a run off with at least enough water to soak our shoes. My faith was restored. After a trot through some uncomfortable but boring shiggy we got to the turtle check. All the wankers who stayed out on the street missed this check and the accompanying beer so there is some justice in the universe. After that there was a short jog through a neighborhood to one of the sweetest on-homes I've ever seen. Set on a hill next to a river with a nice stand of trees. OH --These are the trees they promised. It even had a bridge that the guys could go under to take a piss. The Biblical Moment Not to be missed was Roller Balls setting a ham hock adrift in his hard hat hoping against hope that some Egyptian princess would rescue it, raise it to become a great prophet, and start a new religion. Hashers worshiping ham hocks - it could happen. The Circle After much snacking and agonizing over what hasher belong to what picture of Mom, Boy George called us to the circle. He began the circle with a little ditty about rivers and sodomy. It really warmed the heart. After the usual pleasantries and a salute to all the mothers in the hash we moved to one of the most interesting round of accusations I'd heard in a while. Let's just say that at one point grind slut did a 69 down down with a tickle me Elmo. If you weren't there to see it well shame on you. The ON-ON-ON I don't know what happens at the on-on-on
since I did so many down down's that I had to throw up under the bridge and be taken to
intensive care. |
MOTHER'S DAY HASH RUN # 1009
Hares: "Half Moon, Will-He-Peter,
Gaslight, Limp
Noodle, Pump Me, High Maintainence, Boy George