Submitted by Testicles

The Stumble Through Humble, a real shiggyfest, or "Throw Mama From the Train"

July 12, 1998

Hared by Heartache and The Worm That Turns

About 60 masochistic hashers turned out in 100-plus degree heat for The Stumble Through Humble, hared by The Worm That Turns and Heartache, and billed as a shiggyfest (described as high sock, no water, but "mild mudholes"). Checks were announced as Malyasian, meaning 360 degrees.

The pack was off northward, through drought-shiggy, parallel to some railroad tracks. Since the gravel was laid up to the tie level, and the passage therefore was pretty easy, many hashers climbed up to run along the tracks. It was not far from the trail, and it was easy to follow the remaining shiggy hashers from there. Soon a trestle loomed before the pack. Since the tracks were quiet and the alternative fairly shiggy/boggy, most hashers started crossing the trestle from the south. I thought the trestle was perhaps a quarter to three-eights of a mile long, though other estimates were shorter.

The crossing was interesting (I pride myself on understatement). The ties were slick with heat-seared creosote, and a couple of ties were broken, so the trestlers' attention was focused on walking/jogging carefully, especially since the drop from the trestle was in places perhaps 35 feet. Suddenly from around an unseen bend a freight train appeared from the north, moving very fast. It started blowing its horn and braking. The train, being a mountain of inertial mass, could not come to a stop until the locomotive was well past the entire bridge. The engineer later said he saw twenty or thirty people on the tracks and feared at least a few of them wouldn't survive. Drummer Bill ran back to the south end and was calling the closest hashers back; most of them made it back to the south end or jumped off when close to it. A few made it off the north end, most safely, though one jumped and fell fifteen feet, injuring his wrist or arm. Maybe six or eight hashers arguably achieved the greatest hash infamy, by being fortunate enough to be too far from either end to make it off. One jumped from the middle onto hard ground and, incredibly, was not injured and continued the hash. The rest saw the drop as likely leg-breaking, and threw themselves in the final seconds across the various horizontal trestle supports which protruded farther than the ties and were thus a bit further from the screeching wheels. In one case two hashers lay, one atop the other, on a cross-piece. In other cases, hashers flung themselves down, holding onto the ends of the ties themselves, with only the meager grip of eight fingers separating them from doom. Then the train was upon them and the bridge began vibrating like crazy. Arms ached. Some feared that some metallic instrument of death protruding from the train might come along and sweep away all hopes of tomorrow. But, finally the movement stopped. For a moment, there was extreme quiet. Then the hashers slowly came back to life, and started climbing down the trestle frame and disappearing into the woods. Incredibly, there were no fatalities, and no injuries other than the one wrist/arm. One bright spot was that no one froze, and each person did what was necessary in his or her own circumstances to see another day.

From the forest we heard sirens. An ambulance and the police came. The cops delivered an appropriate lecture, describing to a group including Heavin Siemen (who I believe was innocent of the bridge trespass) why the crossing was so dangerous, and how many had died on that bridge just in this year. Apparently the panic stop also flatted the train wheels (ground them down in one place), which isn't good. I suggest that hashing along trestles be prohibited, and that no trail be laid so that crossing on an active trestle is a preferable alternative. As an aside, I note that some hashers crossed the San Jacinto River on another trestle, with the same train still on the tracks (moving, no less), to scout a false trail on the north side. Ahem, gentlemen: Merely profound idiotic hashing displays are all that is required of you; you needn't go further.

You will all appreciate why some names have been left out of this account, to protect the now-wiser. Each of them knows who they are. Also, for the record, the hares did not lay trail across the trestle, though someone reported an alligator beneath the railbridge.

After that, the excellence of the trail and the torrid heat quickly reasserted themselves. Trail wound around through bogs of quickmud, one of which claimed Roller Balls to his chest. The shiggy was as advertised, and we doubled back enough that hearing whistles from all sides became quite disorienting. Through dog attack, through sand quarries, through backchecks, ravines, we ran (oh, Hell, why not the truth? We mostly walked.) A tough woman ran barefoot because her flimsy slippers kept coming off. The on on was in a recent clearing with lots of sand and whatnot. The pack finished in about an hour (I would guess from about :55 to about 1:15). Geek appeared just before the circle started, in an astounding display of hounding ability. Many accusations were made about the train incident, which led Half Moon to rename the hash "The Throw Mama from the Train Hash." Testicles' name, awarded during the Full Moon hash three days previously, was affirmed. Matthew, a new boot, was foolish enough to bring a cup of wine into the circle. A great time was had by all.

Post Hash Emails:

>-----Original Message-----
>From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]On Behalf
>Of Jeff Jeansonne
>Sent: Monday, July 13, 1998 9:56 AM
>To: Multiple recipients of H4
>Subject: [H4] My perspective on Trains ..
>
>
>I could see the train a comin' just a comin' down the tracks.....
>
>I was only 25 ft from the end of the tressle.  My first though upon
>seeing the train was that we all had plenty of time to get off. I called
>back a warning and hurried to the end.  By the time, I got off the tressle,
>
>the train had closed more than half the distance.  It was coming fast.
>
>I looked back to the tressle in horror - there were at least 25 hasher
>scurrying
>about.  There was no way that most would make it to the ends before the
>train
>got there.  I estimated the jump to be 30-40 feet the middle.  The tressle
>was your
>basic "no frills" tressle that consisted of 12" timbers seperated by 8"
>gaps.  There
>was about 2' of timber extending from eaither side of the tracks, making it
>impossible
>for trains and hashers to share the same space.
>
>I was screaming "jump!, jump!" at the top of my lungs at the hashers on the
>tressle
>who moved in what appeared to be slow motion.  Eraserhead's young Ukranian
>nephews
>were closest to my end and lept about 15' from the tressle to the sloped,
>rocky edge at
>the end only seconds before the train was on the tressle.  My attention
>moved to Prickly 
>Dick, who was another 30 feet back. He was attempting to hang from one of
>the timbers, 
>but still had his arm across the track.  I knew he was a goner, but he
>managed to get 
>clear just in the nick of time.  As the train continues across the tressle,
>each hasher managed
>to somehow get out of the way.  There were hashers hanging from the
>crossmembers, 
>climbing down the uprights, and flying through the air.
>
>I ran under the tressle and checked to make sure that everyone had gotten
>off on the 
>side that the train blocked my view of.  Somehow everyone escaped death. 
>The worst 
>injury was Eraserhead's nephew who scraped up legs, arms and face, and
>possibly 
>broke his arm(*).  As Eraserhead and the boy's mother were already
>attending to him,
>I decided it would be a good idea to get the hell out of there, as the
>train had stopped by 
>this point.
>
>Less than five minutes later, there are police cars, a fire truck and an
>abulance on the scene.
>Several hashers were read the riot act by a very upset train ebgineer who
>claimed that we had
>just taked 50 years off of his life.  The authorities never located the
>majority of us.
>
>The whole scene keeps replaying in my mind.  What a fuckin trip!  That is
>one hash that
>I will never forget.
>
>-Saran Crap
>
>(*) When I left the scene Eraserhead was examining his nephew and though
>that that he had probably broken his hand.  In true Eraserhead fashion he
>send the lad back to the cars and he ran the rest of trail.

>-----Original Message-----
>From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]On Behalf
>Of Donnie Hall
>Sent: Monday, July 13, 1998 10:05 AM
>To: Multiple recipients of H4
>Subject: [H4] Trains
>
>
>It was one of the most bizarre hash moments I've ever witnessed...
>
>During yesterday's hash, we were crossing a short 40 yard long train
>trestle when suddenly we noticed a train was heading our way.  Fast!
>The train had just come around a bend and was about a quarter mile away
>when we first spotted it.  The train engineer started blaring the horn
>and probably applying the brakes.  I had just finished crossing the
>trestle when I saw the train. I turned around to scream TRAIN when I saw
>that a good 20 or 30 people were on the tracks.   I started screaming,
>others started screaming, the hashers on the tracks froze for a brief
>second and then started scurrying in every direction.  Some towards the
>train, some backing away.  What was evident was that those in middle
>were not going to make it to either end.  The train was coming fast, it
>was only 30 seconds or so from the time we said train till he was on the
>trestle.  At the last possible moment, 3 hashers jumped about 10-15 feet
>onto the gravel covered hill at the end of the track.  3 or 4 others
>found extended wood planking to lay on.  A good 10 or so jumped over the
>edge and held on by their fingers about 30 feet above the ground.   I'll
>never forget the sight.  
>
>We were lucky.  One of the kids hurt his wrist.  Besides that, no
>injuries.  It could of been much, much worse.   
>
>-Roller
>
>In commentary, I must say that I was very impressed with everyone's
>actions.  No one froze, no one had to helped by others. Very impressive
>everyone.
> 
>