Amidst a steamy, steamy early evening, hashers of all types gathered at a University of Houston parking lot off Elgin Drive. One might think that the rain would cool us off, but as I have learned very quickly: this is Houston, baby, and it doesn’t ever cool off.
Knowing that Ass Grabber was our Hare, the pack was concerned about the length of the trail, luckily, the rain washed away his and Mitch’s trail leaving Ass Grabber to hare an impromptu live trail. "Give me at least fifteen minutes" he cried as he trotted off- Was he trying to remind us to keep time?- Bad idea, Ass Grabber, you should know better. The pack obeyed Ass Grabber’s wishes and waited about 10 minutes- we were off at about 6:45pm.
Our start was simple and led into some grassy areas around campus including puddles and whatnot. Some onlookers were wondering where we were going. Where else? To find the beer, you fool. The trail actually proved to be one of the nicest I have seen: grassy campus, neighborhoods, mud, railroad, shiggy, barking dogs at car repair shops, and, my favorite, indoor hashing. I love the strange way we are led into a building, believing that we must continue with this ludicrous turn in trail. I was there and I won’t tell on anyone else, who I know fell for the same trap (the flour led nowhere). On On into the woods we ran. The bugs were thankful for a complete meal. Suddenly the pack slows… trouble ahead: an incomplete concrete bridge… dare I leap to the next slab?… just 3 feet away… those metal prongs protruding upward might not snag me down until I pass the cleft…one down…five more to go…THEN BEER, BEER NEAR, VERY NEAR!
A lovely ending near the construction of the future highway 35 connector allowed for privacy and enjoyment of the beautiful twilight. For some reason, the power lines above drew the attention of one eager to rid himself of some shoes. (Foreshadowing) Perhaps a need to rid himself of more than shoes- perhaps a need to rid himself of house, home, and car. Rollerballs, tried and tried again to get his sneakers to catch on the power line. Eventually the toss became a contest of the Hash against gravity. Many failed the toss, but one man stood alone amidst great cheer and celebration as he managed to catch the pair of shoes on not just any power line, but the very highest one: Good Work, Limp Noodle!! Should he be knighted or something? More shoe throwing ensued with one more victorious shoe toss- Half Moon managed to get his pair snagged- if your friends jumped off a cliff would you jump too?
Ass Grabber fed us well, as usual, serving up noodles and some type of shrimp something, was it Creole? I have no idea what it was, but the challenge of eating noodles with only spoons was fun in itself.
Grind Slut was stand in RA since our Boy George seemed to have lost his religion this day. Many down-downs were served: a couple new boots, of course, Faye, made a grand hash entrance with Allouettas after circle. Reboots- a couple. Dick the Boy Wonder did a Birthday down down. Grind Slut did a new shoe down down teabag out of his shoe. I think he may have been a little too eager to drink that beer! Seeing the man she must kiss at night subject himself to the nastiness of the aforementioned down-down, Gas Light was pretended to gag. Down downs ensued for the her since, as an onlooker pointed out, " His mouth had been in grosser places."
Car hashers were Mighty Mouse and Pipes- if I missed anyone- you will get your punishment in hell.
Role Model tried to get a name for Mitch- sorry, maybe next time.
Saran Crap wanted me to make sure that his HASH WIN? Was duly noted. I hope someone sees fit to punish him.
Mighty Mouse was giving Hooter Bill, Rollerballs, and myself a ride to the start when, not two minutes off driving, I heard torment. "Oh no, oh no, no, no!!," Rollerballs lamented. The car stopped and Hooter Bill uttered what Rollerballs could not, "You had your key on your shoe, didn’t you…"
If anyone wants to steal Rollerballs’ car, his key is hanging on the uppermost power line near the Hwy 35 connector construction, it’s the key with the shoes attatched. Yes so true- sometimes in the quest for fun our stupidity is overwhelming.
The On on on was at Jimmy’s Ice House. Nothing too exciting occurred except for a butt contest between myself and Dick the Boy Wonder. Hooter Bill and CIA judged: I won!J
On On
Penis Fly Trap
Copyright © 1998, Houston Hash House Harriers. All rights reserved.
Revised: October 08, 1998.