It was a great day for hash, I mean for a Hash. Clear skies, not too
hot or cold and an inner loop start. As the hounds gathered it was
clear that this was not one of our usual Sunday gatherings. There were
many faces that have not been seen in many months. There were looks of
anticipation all around. Those who had never experienced the Pooper
Bowl were most curious.
The start was at lot 13 of Rice; also known as the true path to
Valhalla. This starting point seemed to assure, or disappoint, the
pack that there would be little or no shiggy on this trail. Although
there was some found for the Screaming Altered Balls trail. Official
starting time was 2 pm in order to get on the trail by the usual
official starting time of 3 pm. As it turned out the pack, with no
instructions for new boots ( not that they would have understood Pipes
anyway), took off promptly at 2:37.
The trail headed out east from entrance 14 and on down Rice Blvd.
At the first intersection the pack came to a sudden halt. We had come
upon the first check and no one seemed to be in much of a mood to search
out the trail. After about an hour of debate On Call was shouted. I
guess someone went checking. Trail led us through a fence a behind a
construction site. No mud, they keep the construction sites too clean
in West U.
The pack stayed together as we crossed Montrose and headed up towards
59. I have no idea where the FRB’s were since I was much closer to the
back of the pack. A backcheck was found just off of Richmond. The
hounds, as is their nature, immediately crossed the busy road to search
for the trail. Once again the pack seemed unwilling to venture too far
from one another. Perhaps it was the close bond of the Houston Hashers;
or maybe it was just too early for most of us to be out. Hooter Bill
spent the time constructively, bitching about how the hares didn’t know
what a backcheck was or how to use one. There was talk of staying
where we were and waiting for the hares to bring the On On to us. That
idea was dismissed as silly and we were off again.
Since the hares were Pipes and Altered Boy it seems curious that true
trail went past Studz. Is there something that I Scream and Pump Me
should be worried about? Any way, the rest of the trail wound through
the fringes of Montrose, crossing 59 two more times. We never did find
any shiggy, but the main event of the day was still to come as we ended
trail at a park near 59 and Dunlavy. It was rumored that this was also
the site of the Pooper Bowl 2 or 3 years ago. Most of the pack was in
in less than 40 minutes, further evidence we still had important things
to get to.
The On On was a true feast, for the belly and the eyes. There has
not been so much food at a regular hash since the incredible feast after
Thanksgiving, and this was almost as good. The only problem with the
cuisine was a distinct lack of peanut butter. This omission nearly
brought many a hound to tears. The food that was there was very good.
Hashers actually were putting meat on tortillas, I was astounded.
Eventually RA pro tem, Roller Balls had us circle up. The body of
the circle was brief. The main down downs were administered: the hares,
new boots, reboots and a few minor accusations. Limp Noodle transferred
the Hash Shit Pipes for some lame reason, but not before doing a down
down for not running with the Hash Shit, and narcing me out for not
running with the bonehead crown. And then it was time for the MAIN
EVENT!
Pipes was modestly attired for this auspicious occasion. When the
time came, the illustrious Pooper Bowl award (throne?) was brought into
the circle. The circle looked on in silent awe! Everyone could feel
how special the moment was. I nearly cried.
Pipes began by reading the history of the Pooper Bowl with Altered Boy
leading the circle in the gospel chorus of "and it was good"'s.
(History and chorus available on 8-track and cassette for $19.95. Send
all certified checks to Nippstik C/O Houston H3…)
Once the history had been recounted Pipes opened the envelope containing
the list of hopeful runners up. They were: I Scream, Tonka Fuck, High
Maintenance, Pump Me and an overjoyed Slick 50. The Harriet’s were
buzzing in anticipation, as was the rest of the assembled Hash. They
were adorned with lovely sashes to commemorate the honor bestowed upon
them. Alas, it is an old line but so very true, there can be only one
winner.
Pipes opened the final envelope and the new Pooper Bowl recipient was
announced: High Maintenance! And the Hash said, " It was Good!" As
the beautiful winner(?) took her place on the throne Pipes explained
that on this great day HM would be turned into a human vegemite
sandwich. And it was good.
To help assuage their disappointment the runners up were given the
task of cooking the sandwich as Pipes read the recipe. Never have there
been women so eager to cook. The ingredients were added to High
Maintenance, lovingly administered by HM’s friends: flour, oil, eggs,
butter and of course the Vegemite. The main ingredient did smell a bit
strange, but we could tell that High Maintenance loved every moment of
it. Pipes said no vegemite sandwich would be complete without a beer,
so HM got 2 full Foster’s—on her head.
When it was all over our heroine gave Pipes a friendly hug and then
decided that the best way to get the flour etc. out of her jog bra was
to remove it. AND THEY WAS GOOD!!! Another treat for those who
attended. I must point out that I did inspect High Maintenance’s
nipple, the one I was accused of permanently scarring at my naming, and
there is no mark. I urge every male Hasher, even the visitors, to see
for themselves. I was framed!
The ON ON ON was at Savage’s. We drank much beer. We ate much food.
We were so loud and obnoxious that they would have thrown us out if we
didn’t represent the bulk of the crowd. The superbowl was but an
afterthought to the Houston Hash that day. (Although it was fun to
start "Green Bay Sucks" chants just for Pipes. It seemed to confuse the
non-hashers that were watching Denver and Atlanta.) We left feeling
buzzed and happy. Everyone was thinking the same thing, " Do we have
to wait a whole year to do it again?"
Thanks to the hares and everyone else who helped to make this a great
day. IT WAS GOOD!
Faithfully submitted:
Nippstik
(Be kind this is my first)