Dag Nabit! The Missouri City police need to find better things to do with their time! More about that in a minute. Blue skies and crisp, cool, late-fall air made for a great hashing day. Dickhead and Slutt Butt asked their close and personal hashing friends to meet them at the Missouri City Metro Park and Ride off of Beltway 8 and Fondren.
The pack started getting antsy to run around 3:30 p.m., with Willie the Hash Hound being the most vocal with his persistent “I need to hash” barks. “Trail starts that way” was all it took to get us off to a great start. A short run down Fondren lead the pack into some brush and a run along side a little bayou. From there I don’t remember what came when and in what order (I really should pay more attention on trail.) The checks and falses slowed down most of the pack, but luckily for me, they were all solved by the time I got there.
We wound our way around a golf course, fishing holes, a construction site, a couple of donkeys and goats, passed a friendly couple that invited Halfmoon in for a beer (he took the beer, but declined the invitation for dinner), passed a friendly old lady taking a walk that advised Fire Tunnel, Group Sex, to “take care of your boobs” when running, and then found the Beer Near sign with no beer near!
Burning Rubber and I arrived at the BN sign and like most hashers had that last little spurt of energy to get to the end. We turned the first corner and saw hashers about two blocks in front of us. We got through those two blocks only to find a check. A check? After a Beer Near? Hmmm…After about 15 minutes of trying to find trail, Dickhead arrived in his truck and informed us that the end of trail had been moved. It seemed that the Missouri City police didn’t like the idea of 30-40 people drinking beer and singing behind an old abandoned mall, and promised that if the hash tapped the keg and began to drink, the officer would write out tickets to each and every one of us. Dickhead’s Option 1 – Go back around to the check and find trail to the new end (duh, been there-done that); Option 2 – Run straight down Main Street about another mile and you’ll run right into the end. We took option 2 (but I would have preferred an Option 3 – “Hop in the back of the truck, you poor tired, weary hashers, and let me drive you to the end.” Oh, well, I guess we weren’t done working for our beer.) We found out later that Heartache had arrived just as the police were issuing their warning, and graciously volunteered to lay trail from the old end to the new end.
The On-On was a little chilly, but the keg St. Arnolds kept us going. I have to mention that there was also a 12-pack of Schiltz (Why? I do not know). Slumbag was kind enough to be the stand-in RA and lead us through a great circle filled with accusations of sex with donkey’s, Womb Service (I think in that order); Saran Crap doing a wicked donkey call impression; and a warm welcome to visiting hasher Dancin’ Fool from Philadelphia. Just as we were finishing the circle Geek arrived to claim his title of DFL. Poor guy, 45 minutes earlier he had been within 100 yards of the end, but somehow didn’t see us.
The On-On-On was held at a bar called Genie’s (spelling?) where we were welcomed in from the cold with hot red-beans and rice, and cold beer. The women’s’ bathroom was decorated in, hmm.. let’s say, mid 90’s porn, and the men were welcomed into their pit stop area with a large picture from the 50’s of naked oil riggin’ women. Ahhh, the atmosphere!
Thank you Dickhead and Slutt Butt for a great afternoon!
On-On, Shit On a Shingle
Post scripts:
-----Original Message-----
From: Bill January [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Monday, December 18, 2000 7:19 PM
To: [email protected]; Bob S.
Subject: Re: [h4] Yesterday's run
It's often so. We don't seem to comment, if we were happy with the run. The turf was largely virgin. Countryside and lakes, with little pavement. The cops added excitment by breaking up the planned On On, causing the hares to add more trail beyond the planned ending behind the abandoned Tang's mall, unknown to the pack. And the On On On with rice and beans at Jeannie's on Hwy 90A was tops. Hooter Bill.