Run: Stumble through Humble, a.k.a. Trainspotting II

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As promised to our own Testicles, visiting from afar with his very own virgin, it proved to be a fine day for hashing!

It began much like other Sunday runs, with Grind and I racing into the Park n’ Ride with the pack about a quarter mile away but still in sight. As goes the ritual, I bounced about him Tigger-like as he pried his stiff and muddy hash shoes open enough to squeeze his feet into them.

As we started off, Heartache was yelling at the still-in-sight pack to look into the woods for trail. Trail crossed a ditch here and a ditch there meandering briefly to the east side of US 59. We paused briefly in homage to "the trestle"–ironically, half the pack was somehow on the wrong side of the gulch this time, too! And on- on we went again thru a tasty construction area and into a wooded nirvana, now west of the freeway.

Just as the trail began to undulate along the dirt trails south of the San Jacinto River, the glory of the hash inspired me and I caught up with and chatted briefly with young Jeremy. Apparently he felt more agile this day without his lumbering beast "Buddy", for moments later he spewed past me with the energy and surprise of one’s frozen margarita escaping from an open blender. I was grateful he was without his lovable 90 lbs of fur and slobber.

The pack re-formed as we searched together for trail in the woods, the terrain changing from trails to briars to beautiful black water cypress swamps, finally leading us to a water check at a sandy intersection of possibilities. I checked one way with Gonad the Barbarian and Out of Tuna, and alas we heard ON On in the distance. Trudging thru the deep sand had gotten the better of us, so we took our chances and continued towards the sunlight we could see thru the trees. The hash gods smiled, and we celebrated our shortcut when we found trail. Gonad mistook the strength of a vine he tried to bust thru and aped a crane-like ballet move that was hilarious once I confirmed that he was not hurt.

The three of us continued to hash and check with great luck feeling like super-hounds energized by the piney woods. Our luck briefly ran out when we found a false on the bank of the river-not to mention the naked redneck that we surprised as we barreled down the hill toward it. We cut to the left along VERY steep bank and found more trail after a bit of hashing on all fours. I finally exited the woods to find a check on the pipeline easement, and as I found trail continuing on other side of the clearing, I called to the pack that was arriving together at the check. A series of backchecks appeared and were solved as Grind, PP, Womb Service and Gonad appeared. I was glad to have company again, but we apparently misread a check as a backcheck and got separated. Feeling a bit defeated after not finding trail, Womb and I continued up the easement and found a bit of joy in annoying Halfmoon by racing him in.

We arrived at the On Home to find Sticky Lips and Blue Balls, guarding the keg of St. Arnold Amber. I swiped a bag for my wet shoes from her and enjoyed a beer and Technu bath. Doncha love the post trail comments of "well I didn’t SEE any poison ivy…", like that ever matters when the oozy lines appear 2 days later.

Hairy Palms was a fine RA, and Wom Mom Wow, SOS, and Fire Tunnel started off the slew of accusations for their faux-camo. OK so Fire Tunnel’s was real and a gift from Bump Slut, but she was definitely guilty by association with the banana-coloured Rambo-duo.

My attempt at making the hares drink for the labia-height freezing water was not as successful as I had hoped, but the suggestion of naming Jeremy "silent but deadly" was received as timely and he was christened Gas Passer. My first namesake, I am so proud! I was also warded the coveted (I guess someone covets it…) "Friend of Whitey" award complete with itty-bitty Gaslight-sized T-shirt for "She flashes, He shoots, he scores". at the Aeros’s game.…

We were having a great time acting put Brittany Spears videos, but Grind thought better of it and drug me away from the impending debauchery. (See SOS’s Ps Hash trash) The On On On was at the same place we always go to for Heartache’s runs, and where we saw Rollerballs after a hard weekend of bird watching. Hey Dude, you missed it