Cinco D' Mayo Hash Trash (Runs 1173, 1174, & 1175)

Hash Trash

Hash: Cinco de Mayo Campout

Date: May 5-6, 2001

Hash No. 1173

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THE REQUEST

I was thinking of doing something different with Hash Trash for the Cinco de Mayo campout. Since there was so much going on at any one time, and since no one hasher witnessed it all, I want to make this one a composite hash trash (a literary orgy, if you will). It would give me such joy if you guys would send me your interesting snippets, harrowing tales, clean and unclean thoughts, and memorable moments regarding this past weekend's festivities. Short and sweet is great. Participation from a variety of hash perspectives is highly encouraged.

-Bidet Bitch

THE RESPONSE:

I was ecstatic when I received my first reply...until I opened it. It was from Hooter Bill, and can be paraphrased as follows: WHINE...WHINE...elitist...WHINE...policeman...insult.....deserted....WHINE, and I went home.

But it got better from there...

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Mismanagement:

Since Drummer Bill has his panties in a wad, I would like to congratulate you (again) on a well-run weekend. Although you can't please everyone, you all did a magnificent job on finding a great place again), laying great trails and cooking GREAT food!

-Rain Bitch

WillHePeter arrived back at the campsite from Sunday's run and subsequent circle quite the worse for wear (Y'all must have been doing down-downs for hours!). He stumbles out of the back of the Ryder Truck and winds his way toward the food table, apologizing to his wife on the way in his best slurred Cuban accent, "Loootsy...I got some 'splainin to do!" He loads a plate of food and sits between Womb Service and me on the little cabin's steps. He then gets a really serious look on his face and says toWomb,"Let me get inside your head for a moment..." We warned him not to do that, as he might get lost in there in the state he was in, never to return. Sure enough, twenty minutes later he was still wandering around making no sense at all. Digital Input...has he returned from his journey into the great beyond?

Thanks for a good laugh WHP...

-Wow Mom Wow

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This is my favorite memory of the weekend also, even though I don't remember any of it. I am pleased, however, to hear that I am an amiable drunk.....

-Will He Peter

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I have to say my favorite line, by Will He Peter, was when he was standing on the back of the truck, dangerously swaying, and he spread out both his arms and said "I proclaim all is right with the world."

And in answer to your question, "Yes".

-Digital Input

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Will He Peter, Watching you get out of the Yellow Ryder Truck, yell"Mikey!", wander in slow motion to the food line, slur some kind of apology in Digital's direction, slobber, eat, slobber, eat, ...and then witness you"Trying to get into Womb Service's mind" was Hilarious, sad, funny,amusing, painful, pathetic, comical, reflective of past transgressions, and very hashlike....... Your eyes were that of a shark, your legs that of Rocky in the 15th round, your smile, well.... Gomer Pyle!

OnOn

-Halfmoon

PS: Hooter, pain is good! It helps you grow up!

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1) The "Thanks for the sentence fragment, I'll treasure it always" Award is a three way tie between Toe Jam, Wild Bill and Will He Peter.

2) The "The drunker I get the faster I talk" award to Shuttle Cock,who flashed back to his childhood dinner table one too many times where his sister would say "Of course you don't get a pork chop you little shit, and you won't grow up to be big and strong, neither".

3) Best excuse award to Small Johnson who criticized the directions to the campsite for not telling him to not go to Cleveland.

4) The "Almost anything for my art" award to Small Johnson, who lip-synched to "Dear Penis" naked, but didn't bother to learn the words to the song.

5) Trailhead and Gaslyte had listened to Pee Wee and I bitch for the better part of the ten minutes it took us to muscle a keg of beer halfway (400feet) down a narrow footpath to the end of the Sunday trail. Deciding to take matters into their own hands as we rested, they seized the keg between them and bellowed "Eeeeeeeee", advancing the keg a mere six inches. Rolling up their sleeves (and assuming their previous failure was a simple case of unfamiliarity with the physics of keg-hauling), they counted to three,bellowed "Eeeeeeeeee", lifted the keg clean off the ground..........and put it back down. The hell with this, they said, and abandoned us to our labors. To honor this moment, I have composed a little song:

I am woman, hear my roar

but my ass is pretty sore,

'cause I grabbed the beer

and now I'm truly fucked.

You see I cannot spread my legs,

and I blame it all on kegs,

what a stupid way to package

your product !

Yes, I'm wise,

but it's wisdom born of pain.

Yes I've paid the price,

but look how much I've gained.

I'm not strong. I'm not invincible. Men are stupid.......

6) Hooter volunteered for the cleanup committee but due to a traumatic encounter with the local constabulary, he became paranoid and left late Saturday night. Hooter's record for actually doing any work thus remains a perfect zero for life.

7) On Saturday Digital Input foil-wrapped her 100th potato in the shape of a swan. Somebody who did no work then accused her of having too much time on her hands.

8) Videotaped evidence of Heartache nuzzling a kid goat, tender old Grandpa that he truly is.

9) Your very own Poke Her Face asking for tea at breakfast on Sunday.

-Will He Peter

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------One last thing, if I may indulge a moment of Hooter Bile. My free-spirited manner at the Sunday On On, mistaken as it was for a state of inebriation, caused powers beyond my control to relieve me of the keys to the van for the drive back to the campsite. All I wanted to do was drive the Yellow Rider. You all, in your selfishness, denied me that simple pleasure.

-Will He Peter

P.S. - By the way, on the ride back, did anybody else notice those black helicopters?

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OKAY - You're outta here Will He Peter - Bidet Bitch

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And now for something completely different:

Subject: Naked encounter with Hooter's Policeman

A note from Poke Her Face, Cinco de Mayo Campout.

I can vouch for Hooter when he says that he was asked by the police if he saw a suspect running past him. I was approached by that same officer who also asked me the same question, but I was naked when he asked me if I had seen the guy. It all started with the midnight naked run. I took my shorts off for the run and when I went to put them back on, Crack Of Dawn took them from me. So, I said, "what the hell", and decided to remain naked for a little while longer. After dancing naked for a while with the group, I looked around and couldn't find Crack of Dawn or my shorts, so I wandered around the campsite naked for an unknown amount of time because there are some things I can't remember....(I guess the brain cells that held that information are gone). Finally, I went back to my tent, where I pulled out a pink bedsheet, covered my midsection with it, and went to the road to get another pair of shorts and an overnight bag out of my car. As I was leaving, my sheet fell partially exposing my ass just as a police car pulled up. I thought I was going to be arrested big-time. But instead, he asked me if I saw a man run by, and described him to me. I said no,and just when I thought he was going to ask what I was doing naked wrapped in a pink sheet, a man ran across the road, and he took off chasing him in his car. So, there you have it .....Hooter Bill told the truth after all.

Pink Sheet ON ON's,

-Poke Her Face

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Small Johnson's favorite memory from the camp out.....

got gum??

-Small Johnson

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Slumbag's favorite memory:

Prickly Bush' accusation regarding running with Bidet Bitch and getting a little lost, Prickly was truly a sight to see with scratches covering her legs and one particularly nasty gash...on her arms you pigs! Anyway, she explains about leading Bidet Bitch on this false trail, and then things turned ugly, and Bidet Bitch's nails came out in retaliation for leading her astray once again and that is the true story about how Prickly got so scratched up!!

-Slumbag

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Wise words from Roller Balls :

Just remember, life is what you make of it. Consider every loss as an opportunity to discover.

Friday night:

A great start off trail. Challenging checks with a lot of weird chalk marks. At the end of trail, Womb Service, P.P. and I, were vying for the first beer. I was on top of the hill despite an arrow that pointed down the hill. P.P. and Womb were running at the bottom of the hill. I saw the end and shouted down to the guys that there was nothing up here and that trail headed away from where I was. We saw them about 5 minutes later, when most of the pack was already in.

We had to use Sticky Lip's lip balm as a sealant to make the keg taps work.

Awesome Chinese food at the Walters.

Saturday:Got to the camp early to setup for the ball buster. Got setup and helped the crew to do some final prep for the night and had a few beers before being carted off in the truck'o death to the start of the ballbuster.

We're sent off on the ballbuster and can't solve the first check, I have to run back to the hares to find out which direction to go. Not a good sign.

Favorite moment on trail: At one point we kept crossing a wide creek and sometimes running in the water along it. It was raining. It was perfect.

Thanks to Hares for an excellent trail and for all of the support throughout the trail. And thanks for letting us end it early.

Great food on Saturday night. Where's the recipe for that chicken?

Skits were silly, but entertaining. One thing for sure is that the hash needs to learn some better jokes.

The bonfire was cool, no actually really hot. We sat out there till quite late, next time somebody needs to get a single keg on wheels to drag out to the fire. Did anyone else get attacked by the giant crawfish?

Woke up in the middle of the night to hear disco music (still playing around 3:30, can somebody kill that crap earlier next time????) also heard Shuttle cock ranting about nothing out by the fire.

Did anyone name Jeremy for sneaking the goat into his tent?

Sunday:

Woke up early to coffee and wax donuts (that I would not touch). Trail at 10:30. Again another fun trail and a circle that lasted until 2:30pm.

More great food and then on home.

Again, thanks everyone.

-Roller Balls

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Yo Hashers,

I've been reading the various emails and have decided to add my own comments

about the event so the real truth will finally be out:

(1) It was spectacular, kudos to Mismanagement and help.

(2) The low key approach, with emphasis on trails and fun rather than glitz, showed hashing at its finest.

(3) Drummer is incorrect in believing that having a ballbuster is "elitist and divisive". Rather, it allows the wealth of trails in an area to be spread if good hares are available. We were fortunate to have excellent and dedicated hares. At the end of the ball buster, I was running with the FRB's of the medium trail, and I found them to be checking just as hard and having just as much fun as the group on the blue flagging. The only whining which I heard came from Drummer, who was obviously having a bad day. The rest of us reveled in the trails and the weekend.

(4) Will He Peter does not really have vertical scratches on his back.

(5) I got my toenails painted, and they look very sexy.

Thanks to all,

-Blue Balls

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And my favorite moment of the weekend..,,Poke Her Face licking my taco clean.

On On,

-Bidet Bitch (with a lot of help from my friends)