STUMBLE THROUGH HUMBLE
Run 1238
June 23, 2002
Write up by: Smooth Stroker
As the pack gathered around to hear HEARTACHE assure us all there would indeed be REAL marks on trail, we were also informed that much of the trail was marked on orange tape. It was simple enough, until he continued to say there was "another kind" of orange tape, in close proximity of the trail that was not trail at all. Needless to say, this "other tape" is what did in a bunch of hashers.
So the pack takes off and quickly we find ourselves in some nice shiggy running along an embankment. Down the embankment we go, with SUCH A PUSS wasting no time in busting his ass in the slippery mud.
But the fun didn't stop there. I turn to look behind me, as there are screams and squawks cumming from the harriettes behind me, only to see PIPES running around terrorizing anyone he could find with a living, yet tailless, catfish. The poor thing was obviously having a bad enough day; this was the last thing it needed.
Trail is going well enough until we find ourselves at a check that went down a nice little path and off to the right. If you kept going straight off the check, you would find trail...and once you followed it a bit you'd realize it was a trail you already ran. After doing this and heading back to the check to meet up with ROADKILL, HAIRY BELLYFONTE and a few others, we picked up ROY ORIFICE, who immediately asked us if we had been down "that trail" yet (pointing in the general direction of a well worn path he had just came down) We all excitedly said no and asked if he had seen any marks, to which he replied "No, but it was a beautiful walk with a really cool school bus!" Yes, I know, that is exactly what I thought too. :)
A while after this, still off trail hearing nothing that even remotely resembled an "on-on" despite our countless "Are you!?" calls, a few of us stumbled upon ROLLER BALLS. He had obviously been through some nasty, nasty shiggy, judging from the mud that stuck to him--all the way up to his, well, BALLS. He was obviously ranging, which was okay because that is basically all we were doing after following the wrong orange tape for a half-mile or so. He told us all of a water/beer check we had not seen, and that it was just past the swamp. He told us that he was "FUTURE ROLLER" and that he was so far off trail; he could provide no assistance. HE LIED. After leading us to the trail which would then take us into "CAT-TAIL SWAMP", FUTURE ROLLER abandoned us all, only to come in to the On-On 45 minutes ahead of us pathetic souls. Bastard!
Cat-tail swamp was an entire hash in itself, although many of our fellow hashers agree with MENAGE MYSELF in saying they did not follow marks at all...all they needed to follow was the sound of HOOTER BILL and his never-ending BITCHING. (Sorry, Hooter...) But in my part of the pack I would have traded HOOTER BILL for ROY ORIFICE any day. All ROY could talk about was how great the "organic matter" we were running (?) through was, and how he wished he could scoop some up and take it home for his garden. It was enough to make TUNA PUCKER fight to get out of the swamp and to the water/beer check FUTURE ROLLER promised us existed, so that she could hang back and not hear anymore.
Once we made it to the circle up, and after the pointing and laughing subsided, we were able to begin enjoying ourselves again.
So here I sit, covered in poison ivy...
On-On...
Smooth Stroker
Stumble through Humble
(by Rain Bitch)
Running through forests of bad poison ivy
Scoff at the walkers who took it easy
Drink at the water check, drunk at the circle
Grab at your nuts, and show us your privies,
Front Running Bastards who run past the back checks
They’re fast by they're lazy, and run in green meadows.
Let's Stumble! Through Humble!
Beware of the Cypress knees, yeah!
Trail by Heartache, and The Worm!
A mistake if you follow Geek!
I yell out "Check!" and PP is right there.
GRIND SLUT behind him, they outsmart the best hares!
They shortcut the trail, and finish before us
They drink at the keg, and are singing a chorus,
Of long-winded hash songs, about some Squadron,
The rest of us ran a loooongg run!
Let's Stumble! Through Humble!
Beware of the Cypress knees, yeah!
Trail by Heartache, and The Worm!
A mistake if you follow Geek!
The trail was set by seasoned old hashers,
And Worm likes to run where there's snakes in the grass.
He's a lover of mud, and a hasher of swamps.
We got all scratched up, mosquitoes got to chomp,
Many got lost, but the trail was resumed.
When the hounds finished they nursed their wounds!
Let's Stumble! Through Humble!
Beware of the Cypress knees, yeah!
Trail by Heartache, and The Worm!
A mistake if you follow Geek!