Run 1239
June 30, 2002
Hares:
Stop `N Blow and John Boy
Venue: The Heights
Write up by:
Menage Myself
Although I sometimes like solving trail alone, yesterday was just a little extreme. I would like to blame JOHN BOY for the experiences I had through the day, but must admit that most of the damage was caused by my own assumptions.
The run started just outside Garden in the Heights with local Rap Music (quite the oxymoron) blaring over most of the conversations. Just time enough to change shoes before the traditional "Trail starts there!", I was already feeling a little "off".
Immediately falling for the first false with SHUTTLECOCK and ROLLERBALLS, I was then reprimanded by PADDYWANKER for a sudden burst of speed trying to catch up to the pack.
At one point, solving a check with SMALL JOHNSON while the pack ranged trying to solve the same check, I gained a little confidence and things began to fall into place.
Running North of the railroad tracks and being only mildly amused by the Hamburgler/Captain Crunch/Long John Silver statue (good one, JOHN BOY), I quickly found myself on the wrong side of the bayou with HEARTACHE and ASS GRABBER. We ran the I-10 feeder, picking up LOW PROFILE and VASELINE QUEEN, as we made our way back to last mark.
Back on the tracks again (Hello Hamburgler/Captain Crunch/Long John Silver!), we picked up SHUTTLECOCK. Within moments, we were down to just me, LOW PROFILE, VASELINE QUEEN, and SHUTTLECOCK.
We followed trail across Watson, but not before I was tried to solve a check which led to Dead End by the warehouses where 4 large unchained guard dogs decided that a nice raw chunk of lost Hasher might suffice in lieu of missing the daily Milk Bone. Mustering enough reactionary animal instinct to survive (i.e. throwing rocks and "barking" back), I caught back up with the three remaining Hashers in my group.
Interesting note - At one point the trail crossed President Head Ally or Warehouse Mt. Rushmore (another good one JOHN BOY) and I found myself singing God Bless America as LOW PROFILE and VASELINE QUEEN refused to cross the field with residual poison ivy from the last run.
After crossing the bayou, we quickly got seperated trying to solve the back-check, and then it was just VASELINE QUEEN and myself. We both foolishly thought that the trail might end at GRIND SLUT and GASLIGHT'S and made our way to the King Bisquit. Knocking on the door for a glass of water, they informed us that we were the second group to come by their house...the first group with ESTROS had been there over an hour before.
Back to the Watson bridge VASELINE QUEEN and I went. As we tried to guess which way the back check went trying to figure out how LOW PROFILE and SHUTTLECOCK had disappeared, we run into LETCH who was not very happy about being stranded and who was even more upset that VASELINE QUEEN and I did not know where trail was.
As LETCH continued North, VASELINE QUEEN and I ran to north side of the park (missing trail by 200 yards) and then ended up running several miles in a huge circle back to the Watson bridge. At one point, VASELINE QUEEN asked me to stop and explain "What is your theory exactly?". Knowing that I could not say, "Hey! I'm just as confused as you are and plus I'm just a stupid guy out trying to locate spots of flour in middle of downtown Houston that supposedly lead to beer!", I tried to logically enumerate the reasons why we were still lost and which way we needed to go. She was not impressed.
Running in silence, we eventually figured out that the trail led south of the park and along the bayou. Crossing the first tributary, we looked up to see SMOOTH STROKER yelling at us in the distance from about a quarter mile away. Thinking that we were almost Home, I ran through the woods to where we had seen SMOOTH STROKER.
VASELINE QUEEN asked if I knew where I was going and when I told her I was cutting through the woods to try to find SMOOTH STROKER, she had obviously had enough of my sensational trail solving and continued on the street without me.
Popping out of the woods to find SMOOTH STROKER with a car-load of others, I refused to let the trail get the better of me and proudly told them, "I'm going to solve it!" I pointed them in the direction I last seen VASELINE QUEEN and began to make my way to Shepherd and 19th. How did I know the On Home was there? Because the kind hearted SMOOTH STROKER yelled it at me as she informed me with a concerned tone that there was still 4+ miles to go.
But, I would not be beaten!
The only highlight between there and the finish was the pseudo Beer Check I received from HALF MOON and CUMS HAPPILY as they passed me on 19th holding the Nectar of the Gods out the window for me to grab.
Several blocks further, I ran into WOMB SERVICE who was out looking for me. So, three and one half hours from the start I find myself figuratively holding hands with WOMB SERVICE as I turn the corner to the inevitable DFL chants and down-down bestowed upon me from all the people I previously thought were my friends.
ON-ON,
Menage Myself (AKA - DFL 6-30-02)
Our JM
(To: From the Halls of Montezuma)
There's a man we call our JM,
Who's brave & fine & mad,
And we'll follow him forever,
Though his mental state is bad.
We'll run for him in sunshine,
We'll run for him in rain,
Though we know he's got a swelling,
On the front part of his brain.
Oh, he may have little black-outs,
But they're only fairly slight,
He has moments of depression,
When the Hares don't get it right.
He's got all the classic symptoms,
Of advanced mental decay,
Still we'll kill ourselves for our JM,
Despite what all the doctors say.