BIMBO HASH

Run 1240

July 7, 2002

Hares:

Crack of Dawn, Tuna Pucker, and the Mystery Hare -- Small Johnson

Venue: South Houston

Write up by:Rain Bitch

The Trail:

This run turned out like one of Small Johnson's accusations -- What the hell was that all about? Or as SMOOTH STROKER put it, it was exactly like one of his accusations, it started out good, got lost, went back to the beginning, and ultimately ended up petering out somewhere other than where it began.

It started out pretty good. We ran along a canal, crossed it, had a decent back check and went through some woods before we came out in this crack house neighborhood. Trail ran along this sidewalk until it made a left into an apartment complex. Eventually, all the FRB's started running back because it was either a false trail or a back check. That's the first place that trail went awry.

I don't know ANYONE that actually found true trail after the back check. Someone finally found trail by running two blocks down, three blocks to the left, and 4 blocks down. We ended up in a ballpark, where PUMP ME and STINKY and I were glad to find a water fountain to quench our thirst. Trail went around the baseball field, then ended up at this church that was under construction for a beer check/diet margarita check/water check. More on this church later.

Trail took off paralleling the railroad tracks, then crossed them, and we went through some beautiful woods. We saw some beautiful horses (what is it with women and horses?), and came out on Post Oak Road. Things got confusing from here. There was flour going down both sides of the road. Some of us crossed the street, and ran through a field before flour gave out. We continued on, and found a check with the words "Go Back to Start" in flour next to the check. So, PIPES, PUMP ME, Just ROD, LUBE JOB, and I started running back to the start. LUBE JOB said, "It's only 20 blocks from here!" So we made the arduous trek back to the cars at the start.

Along the way, PIPES finds some film next to a strip club, and we all got excited thinking that it would have some dirty pictures on it. But, alas, our dreams would be thwarted. I don't know what the movie was, but it was only worth saving to make the hares do a down-down for it later.

Other hashers continued on the left hand side of the street on flour, and followed it to the railroad tracks where it ultimately ended up at the church under construction where we had the beer check. Okay, if I understand Texas law well enough, you can't drink on church property, even if the church is under construction.

So, the minister comes upon hashers sitting on the newly laid slab of the church, and kicks the hash out. So now, the hares have to find a different end to their run, before everyone has come in on the run. Several of us have made it back to the cars, and are trying to decipher the newly posted directions to the end, when we realize, it was right by that note about going back to the start.

After a major cluster fuck, we all made it to the grove of trees for the end of the trail.

The Circle

The Circle faired much better than the run. PIPES had the hares pay dearly for their travails, as was fitting.

The best accusation of the day was HEARTACHE finding a stuffed bunny on trail, and accusing the hares of killing the best hare of them all. We only wish we could have thought of the song, "Kill the Rabbit" early enough.

Shitty Trail

(To: Mickey Mouse Club Song)

S-H-I, T-T-Y, T-R-A-I-L

Shitty trail, (Shitty trail!)

Shitty trail, (Shitty trail!)

The *mother fucker(s) gave us shitty trail!

I would rather drink some beer,

Than hash your shitty trail,

S-H-I, T-T-Y, T-R-A-I-L

(*If female hare, you may substitute 'dizzy broad' or 'squatting pisser'.)