...As the prophet foretold, the chosen one arose from the mist upon a porcelen throne and was annointed with the four substances to atone her people from their sins: mixed vegetables to ward off racing, beans to incourage belching and other rude noises, peaches to entice and whipped cream to quarantee that the hash will never run out of beer...

The Beginning...

The XVII Pooper Bowl Hash started in White Oak park with a large holiday crowd that were very excited with the prospects of an evening spent hashing, drinking , carousing and for a few watching some little football event. The hash today started early and the hounds were off and running after the live hares by 1:45. I however, arrived late and am unaware of any great occurances at the beginning of the run. Therefore, I can only tell you of my exploits during the run.

Bocce Balls!...

I've always liked that phrase. Anyway, we headed north immediately and within a mile saw Fashion Plate and Full Service ahead. We quickly caught up with them only to realize that they were not on trail and had no idea of where they were going. I was about to leave them when Full Service started interrogating the locals on the whereabouts of large groups of runners. Unfortunately the locals pointed in multiple directions and we had to guess the right way. We continued north and in no time ran into a small but surly group of hashers led by Can't Hound.

After joining the group we quickly found the beer check and I was berated for being so far behind the lead pack. Not being a racer, I casually drank a couple of beers while Self Service told me of Whiner's complaints about the speed of the pack.

Editorial - While the hash does not discourage the use of bikes or blades, please remember that you are much faster than most hashers and it is considered inpolite to scout trail using artificial devices.

The trail then continued east crossing I-45 and eventually ending up at the end of a road near Moody Park. About halfway, we ran into Heart Ache who was wildly waving his arms and babbling about the complete loss of trail and that he had completely circled the check for the last 20 minutes and couldn't find trail. We turned right and immediatly found trail, I guess he drank a little too much at the beer check.

On On...

When we arrived at the end almost everyone was home and we soon started down downs. The hares did their obligitory down down and then another for not having beer when the FRB's arrived. We had no visitors and no new boots and the hash sang happy birthday to me and Rear Layer. During accusations, many of the hash men felt inadequate as Gonad showed us the 6ft used condom that he found at Nookie Master's house while helping her move. Gonad and I had to do a down down for matching shorts, Licks His Own was accused by me of not only racing, but parking his car only a block from the end so that he would not get too sweaty.

Pooper Bowl...

Finally the moment we were all waiting for. From nowhere the infamous floozy, Lola aka Low Blow arrived with the famous Pooper Bowl. Mounted on wheels and made of wood this icon of the hash was wheeled into the circle and Lola brought forth the previous winners of this prize and forced them all to do down downs. Then it was time to choose this years recipient of the Pooper Bowl. You could smell the tension in the air as Lola rambled on about the requirements for a Pooper Bowl winner. After several moments, he/she finally announced that this years winner was Slammer. She graciously removed her excess garments and sat upon the throne so that she may be annointed with the sacred elements. Without mercy, Lola poured gallon cans of mixed vegetables, beans, peaches in heavy syrup and whipped cream. The crowd was escatic and there was much laughter.

On On On...

The on on on was at Cheers on White Oak and each of us were awarded a free beer and unfortunetly someone was passing around fake tickets that didn't work. Damn! Anyway, the beer was good, they had darts, pool and shuffleboard and some people seemed to be very interested in some game of TV. (I didn't see any mixed vegetables on the screen it couldn't have been as much fun.) The bar gave us food at halftime and when I left, the hash was still playing and drinking hard.

Roller Balls

Hash News

It looks like our big run this year will be on May 1st. If you are interested in helping please contact your mismanagement.

March 7 -- Cock and Balls III -- I know it's hard to believe but yes here comes another.