The much publicized Hot For Teacher Hash began at the Law Enforcement High School near the intersection of Shepherd and Memorial Drive on a Sunday instead of Monday. You can see by the list of hares (more than likely, incomplete) that a good portion of the Houston Hash makes its living by influencing the minds of children -- a scary thought. Spankings were promised for tardiness. Name tags were issued. Gonad is seen cavorting around with a mock phallus slung about his neck.

Shortly after 5pm, the live hares, Bully, Nookie Master, Diane, and Scud took off to the north with a fifteen minute head start. It was at this time that the Lauritzen clan (headed up by Blue Balls) announced their intentions to act on a certain piece of inside information: Bully had been spotted stashing flour near Otto's on Memorial. Their plan -- shortcut and de-pant Bully. I for one was not interested in witnessing this so I followed trail with the rest of the pack.

From the start, the trail headed north, crossing Washington, then went west for a while and turned back to the south heading towards, of course, Otto's. In the process we went through some interesting urban shiggy, cutting through backyards and a possible crack house. An arrow directed us across Memorial to a check. The trail from the check led to a sign reading "big boys only" at the edge of Buffalo Bayou. We could hear "ON ON" from the far bank, so in we went. On the other side we found the grinning Roller Balls and Gonad standing around a rather large F, still yelling "ON ON". We swam back across and found true trail heading through the male bonding retreat. This is the place where mid-life crisised men go to cry, beat on drums and hug each other. Enough details -- cross the Bayou on Shepherd, cut through the School for the Mentally Retarded, then through the Jewish cemetery on Allen, back across the Bayou at Waugh. There was a Jell-OTM shot check at the Black Forest and Waugh, unfortunately I missed it. The On-Home was right across the street behind the YMCA.

After some confusion, the hares finally decided that the On Home would stay at the top of the hill. The hares provided Gatorade -- possibly tainted, and PB&J sandwiches. Religion was provided by Shuttlecock. The twenty hares put a sizable dent in the keg. Multiple new boots. Two of the new boots were brought out by Uncle Scum Puppy*. Eargasm and Peach Fuzz are reboots. Accusations: Bull Bait likes it rough, and plays submissive to Mistress Scud. Bully does innumerable down downs for various crimes against humanity. At the start of the run we filled out ballots, the results were: Most Likely to Sleep with the teacher: Grind Slut, Class Clown: Pitts, Class Nerd: Silent Dick, Brown Noser: Goes Both Ways, Works Hardest for A's: Rollerballs, Teachers Pet: Mighty Mouse, Most Likely to Wet Himself: of course, Hooter Bill.

* From the Dictionary of Slang and Euphemism: uncle - 1. A pederast or fellator who is interested in young boys. 2. An elderly homosexual male. 3. An aged sodomist. see also, auntie, chicken-hawk.

After down downs we played a game that Nookie Master had tested on her first graders, so she figured the hash could handle it. It involved broom sticks, toilet paper, and sexual roll reversal -- something many hashers didn't seem to have a problem with. Cums Daily proved to be the most able cocks man.

When the kegs died, we headed for the On On On at Micky's Mardi Gras. They weren't expecting us, and when they ran out of beer, I knew it was time to leave.