Easter Sunday, A good day to Hash

The Nuptial Pub Crawl started on Houston's north side in the Sears parking lot on Shepherd at 41st street under a clear blue sky (count em, 5 prepositions). On the hash line the day's run had been described as a pub crawl that would be bike and blade friendly. With Tuna Helper as one of the hares, I doubted the friendly part. As promised the live hares took off promptly at 3pm with a 10 minute head start. I borrowed some socks from a reluctant Low Profile. At the 9 1/2 minute mark, my mother showed up. "I'd love to stay and chat Mom, but..."

It was damn hot. About fifteen minutes into the run, the crawfish etoufee I had just had for lunch began to work its magic. I was glad to see that the hares had created a trail that was for the most part blade hostile. I also saw a biker go down in a failed ditch crossing. I was relieved when after a very long twenty minutes on trail we stumbled upon the first beer stop of the day at Lalo's Ice House. According to Tom Swift, despite its odd spelling, this is actually pronounced Anusfetish. The hares took off with a 3 minute head start and the pack enjoyed a cold one at Anusfetish's Ice House. The next leg of the trail was brutal. It may sound un-hashlike, but beer and running (further than 100 yards) really don't mix (at least not in that order). Goes Both Ways was one of the hashers who had opted to roller blade instead of run. G.B.W., give it up, you are a danger to yourself and others. Whoops, I just remembered something. At the start of the run, everyone was handed a playing card. Everyone got a second playing card at the first pub. Anyway, the second leg of the trail was fairly long. It included the requisite railroad tracks and a short run through some shiggy with plenty of poison ivy. The next stop on the pub crawl was supposed to be at Ken's Ice House, but the owner who had promised they would be open had closed for the day. According to Tuna Helper, "Place looks like a fire hazard, it'd be too bad if it burned down, accidental like". The next stop was just up the road at some pool hall. It was dark and smoky, so we got our beers and hung out in the parking lot. Pub number 3 was Jim's Corner Icehouse. The highlight there: toothless bikers hoot at scantily clad harriettes.

Lips and Assholes

We left Jim's and found the On Home around the corner at Red's Country Place. There was food: chili dogs and ribs. The hash gathered on the deck out back. By this time, we all had five cards each. There was a melee of hashers working trades to get the perfect hand. As it turned out, the hares had rigged the cards so that people with bad hands would get the prizes. Mr. T was the first big winner and was awarded two shots of tequilla which he promptly consumed. Next up was Gonad the Barbarian who won a body painting kit (to be applied by Roller Balls). I noticed that Tuna Helper had pulled the label off which read: "FOR USE ON FABRIC ONLY, AVOID CONTACT WITH SKIN". I won a pink rabbit piggy bank. Someone else won some year old marshmellow filled Easter eggs. The newly wed hares were subjected to the hash marriage rite: the 69 down down. The rabbit bank was passed around the circle and amazingly came back full of cash. I reluctantly used the money to buy more down down beer.

The pink rabbit ended up being impaled on a pencil in a hanging basket. In recognition of the holiday, I guess.